Definition: Life
by Warui-Usagi
Summary: After a seemingly permanent seperation from Ian, Wanda is all the more overwhelmed by her emotions and their control over her body. Now, trapped under the constant scrutiny of Comforters and Seekers, she tries hard to hide her secrets…with no real sucess.
1. Renewed

**Definition: Life**

**Chapter 1: Renewed  
**_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

_'You touched my life.  
My life reaches the skin,  
Moves under your smile,  
And your throat and your shoulders  
And your face and your thighs,  
Flash.  
…The spaces of the body  
Are suddenly limitless…'__  
_

_**--Muriel Rukeyser**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

"Let me help you with that."

"No, it's alright. I've got it."

I grunted, the box of newly washed plates throwing my tiny body slightly off balance. A pair of large, strong hands cupped my shoulders, keeping me steady.

"Stop being so stubborn. You're going to drop them, or hurt yourself when you fall."

"I'm fine," I lied; my arms were screaming in pain. "Besides, if I'm ever going to be useful around here, I need to build up some muscles."

"And this is not the way to do it."

"It's the perfect way to do it," I disagreed.

Despite the negativity, I managed to reach the kitchen counter without too much help. Ian—unable to stand it anymore—coaxed the box of plates out from my desperate grip when I went to heave them up onto the empty bench beside Trudy, who was kneading the dough for tonight's bread rolls. I surrendered it to him willingly—I was exhausted just from that one chore. The physical limitations of this new, puny body were really starting to make the compulsory daily contribution to chores impossible for me to keep up with. Though no one seemed to mind helping me out all the time, I still felt guilty—like I was taking the luxuries of my wonderful new life without giving anything back in return. Ian stood beside me as always, his huge, calloused hands slipping under my incredibly long, curly hair and massaging gently at the back of my neck. The touch sent an automatic electric shock down my spine, making me shiver.

Ian smiled. Whether it was because of my reaction or because he was relieved I'd stopped working, I didn't know. "I think you've done enough for today, Wanda."

"No," I mumbled, hating the tiredness I could hear leaking into my voice, despite my best efforts to keep it out. "I've barely been working half the day! There has to be something else I can do!"  
I wasn't surprised when I felt someone patting my head—it seemed that someone was always touching me these days. I heard Trudy laugh behind me and I stifled the urge to groan.

"Wanda…having you pass out from exhaustion will not, in _any_ way, help us out. Go and rest. You work too hard as it is. And don't start the 'I feel guilty' crap, either"—she continued when she saw I was about to protest—"you do more than plenty for everyone in other ways, so stop worrying." I turned to see her smiling as she lightly ruffled my hair.

"Couldn't agree more," Ian added, using his huge arm to draw me into his side. My head barely cleared his waist.

"No," I tried to say firmly, but the impact of my voice could never be very strong when I sounded like a chirpy bird at my angriest. Another downside. "I _want_ to help. If you guys won't give me a job, I'll just go and ask someone else. Jared and Melanie will give me some work."

Ian's hand moved from my neck to my shoulder, holding me tightly, trapping me against his body. "Wanda…" he sighed, exasperated. "You're going to take a break, at least. End of story. Don't force me to carry you back to our room."

_Our_ room. The rains had stopped a few weeks ago, and I had moved in with Ian as planned. We had the whole cavern to ourselves. The thought made me blush—I still couldn't completely comprehend this new, wonderful life and all of its incredible outcomes—and then before I knew what was happening, the crippling shyness that I'd inherited from Petals Open To The Moon had my eyes glued to the floor, and my lips sealed shut.

When I didn't answer, Ian took that as conformation. "Good," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I was expecting him to let me go so I could walk out into the common room and grab something to eat before I headed off for an afternoon nap, but instead he bent down and swept his arm around my knees, knocking my legs right out from underneath me. His other arm locked tightly around my shoulders before I hit the ground.

I glared up at him, incredulous. "Ian, stop! I want something to eat! Hey, wait—_oof_!"

He'd shifted all of my weight into one arm easily and then slung me over his shoulder, keeping one hand firmly on my back. I heard the clink of plates rattling together on a wooden tray as he picked it up with his other free hand. I growled—my high, trilling voice turning what was supposed to be a vicious warning into nothing but a series of short squeaks. I was annoyed, but at least he had food. As he walked down the corridor and away from the common room, I could see the bobbing heads of people walking by. I recognised Jamie, Jeb, Sharon and Doc walking past, obviously on their way to lunch as well. When they looked up and saw me slung over Ian's shoulder, their expressions all morphed simultaneously into varying levels of amusement. Except Sharon. She still refused to look at me.

"Working too much again, Wanda?" Jamie asked, clearly trying not to laugh.

"No. I've done barely anything today, and I'm certainly _not_ tired," I told them, crossing my arms defiantly. The movement shocked me a little—it brought my small, silvery coloured arms within view. It had already been a month, but I still wasn't used to seeing my new face or body. I supposed that had a lot to do with the fact that I hardly ever saw it. The caves were dark during most of the day, and there weren't any reflective surfaces save the mirrors we used to grow our food. Ian's body shook underneath me; he was laughing.

"Put me down, Ian!" I demanded. Of course he ignored me.

"We're just on our way to have something to eat and rest up before the next round of work," Ian explained, clearly enjoying himself. "Wanda's been helping out Trudy and Lily in the kitchen with the washing all morning—she's exhausted, as usual."

"I'm fine," I insisted. Nobody listened to me.

"Hey! Well why don't you guys come down to the games room when you've finished resting up? Brandt has a football!"

"Sounds like fun," Ian agreed.

I'm helping Melanie and Candy with dinner afterwards, so I won't be there," I told them smugly, happy to have a chance to prove my point.

"Aw…c'mon, Wanda!" Jamie complained, frowning. I hated it when he looked like that—it made it almost impossible to resist his pleas…and it seemed he was counting on that. "Melanie's playing, so I'm sure Candy will too. Or at least she'll be watching."

"But what about dinner?" I asked, confused. "What's everyone going to eat?"

"There's plenty of snacks and instant food in storage—we have all that stuff now you're with us, remember, Wanda?"

"No! You _can't_ waste—" I started to object, but I was interrupted.

"It's settled then," Ian decided, patting me lightly on the back.

"See ya later, kid," Jeb called over his shoulder as he walked away with Jamie and Sharon in toe. Doc waved.

"Let's go eat," Ian said more quietly this time, his arm curling around my tiny waist protectively.

We were both silent as he made his way through the different caverns, the only sounds I could hear were his deep, steady breathing and the echoes of his footsteps bouncing off the cave walls. I knew that had I been walking, I would have still found my way easily, despite how dark it was. I'd walked this path so many times in these past weeks that I honestly couldn't imagine myself getting lost. This entire junction of caves was my home, and there hadn't been a time in all of my previous nine lives—even combined—where I was this happy or content. Bear, Dolphin, Spider or Flower…my lives had always eventually settled into a…pleasant routine. That was the only way I could think of it. It was never bad, but then I also remembered that my lives had never been particularly exciting, either, save the incident with Harness Light on the Mists Planet.

Nothing in all of those other nine worlds I'd visited could make my heart fly in my chest the way it did whenever Ian kissed me, or when we came a little too close to Seekers on our raids. The same could be said of the more negative reactions. Heartbreak, anger, jealousy, sadness…I couldn't remember anything like them…anything that could compare at all from my past. I knew that had a lot more to do with the nature of the life-forms on the other planets the Souls had…_civilized_; the creatures that lived on other planets were not overtly emotional beings, or in some cases, not emotional at all. Now that I was here, thinking back on it now…I shuddered at the thought of ever going back to those places. Of _ever _leavinghere. I knew from the moment I'd been transferred into this body—and a lot longer before that, actually—that I would never be leaving this planet. I didn't want to. I would never leave my family. I would die here. And that was okay. I _wanted_ it to be that way.

_I will never wander to another planet again._

"We're here," Ian whispered, drawing me away from my rather sombre train of thought. He bent down on his knees, loosening his grip gradually until my feet had safely touched the ground. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek before he rose to his feet again. I took the food from his other hand and he sighed, relieved, as he flexed and stretched his muscles. He opened the screen to our room to let me through and shut it quietly after he'd ducked inside. We moved to sit down on the big, double mattress that dominated the small cave of our bedroom and started to eat. The food was good today—fruit salad with yogurt and a couple of small chocolate bars that I recognised from the candy shop I had visited during the raid last week.

I tried to eat quickly, the bed a stark reminder that I was determined to prove Ian and everyone else wrong—that I wasn't tired. But the fruit salad was too good to rush, and I found that even when I got to the chocolate bars, it seemed I could only nibble away at it slowly, savouring each bite. Another borrowed memory from Pet flashed up before my eyes—a small, crystal box on a little white table in a hallway, full of miniature toffees. Pet's favourite. They tasted so good if you ate them slowly; it was almost as if they melted against your tongue…

"You planning to finish that chocolate bar this century, Wanda?" Ian joked, his voice pulling me away from the memory.

I blinked, startled at how close he was all of a sudden. "Huh…oh, ummm, yes. I'm almost done." I finished it off in two bites, ignoring the urge to save it for later. I threw my wrappings on the tray, which Ian moved to the floor beside our bed.

He reached for me immediately after, pulling me with no effort to his side and into his lap. The movement had my hair falling in my face. I went to brush it back, but my hand was stopped by another. Long, calloused fingers wrapped around my tiny ones, drawing them to his lips while another strong hand came up and tucked the loose golden strands behind my ear. I smiled—elated and blushing—while the horrible shyness had me trying to look everywhere but Ian's face. His fingers slid from my cheek down to my chin—the journey leaving tiny prin-pricks of electricity dotted across my skin—and coaxed my chin upwards until I had nowhere to look but his face. Ian leaned in slowly, leaning his forehead against mine. He pecked me once on my nose and then moved to kiss me more seriously, his lips moving in a warm, familiar way against mine. I felt the molten rock moving slowly beneath my skin again, warming my whole body and titling the world just ever so slightly off its axis…

Everything suddenly intensified when his hands tangled in my hair, pulling me recklessly close, kissing me deeply. Ian's lips were almost harsh as my tiny hands drifted of their own accord slowly down his chest, eagerly learning the contours of the strong, smooth muscles through his shirt. I felt Ian rise up onto his knees—towering over me—and use his weight to push me back onto the mattress. I let my eyes flutter closed and fell back without protest, my body going completely lax. There—trapped in between the bed and Ian's phenomenal weight, height and strength, I could feel myself melting from the sudden heat. Lava was escaping through the cracks in the flow, and the magma that had once been to deep down to feel was now burning my skin wherever Ian's touch drifted, leaving me flushed and flustered.

My heart was flying in my chest—beating so fast I was surprised the fluttery little thing didn't break down. There was so much this body wasn't used to…so much it hadn't experienced. It was strange, knowing and remembering everything that had happened before in a past life…in another body, but only just experiencing it now, physically, in this new body…it was a lot to try and take in at once, and the conflicting sensations made everything very confusing.

I was distracted when I felt Ian's hands coast down my neck and over my arms, stopping abruptly at my waist. I didn't understand why I was frustrated that he'd stopped, nor did I understand why my hands were just as suddenly wrapping themselves around his neck, trying to encourage him to continue. I was losing myself. No one was more surprised than Ian, it seemed. His lips stilled in shock for all but a second before he was kissing me with more enthusiasm then I'd ever thought possible. My breathing was far too loud—I tried to be quiet; sure that anyone who might be out in the hallway could hear me, but I couldn't care quite enough to be ashamed.

Ian's fingers suddenly slipped underneath my shirt, grazing the bare skin of my stomach. The random burning suddenly festered into an all out fire that licked hotly through my veins. The intensity and the unfamiliarity of the sensation made me gasp, the sound of it reverberating and echoing loudly off the walls in the small dark room. Ian pulled back to look right at me, my ragged breathing and whirling head made meeting his gaze impossible for a few, long minutes. I didn't realize right away that he was breathing just as hard as I was. It felt like Doc had given me more No Pain—the world was spinning and glowing; I could feel the adrenaline pumping hard through my inexperienced system, my heart quivering wildly in my chest.

We both listened to my heart-rate slow, Ian's sapphire eyes, brilliant even in the darkness, were trying to hold mine for more than a few seconds at a time. As the dizziness gradually began to wear off, a strange ache that I couldn't identify started to take its place. My throat felt oddly swollen, and I didn't think I would be able to speak. Thirty seconds went by in absolute silence…then forty; Ian was casually brushing his fingers against my forehead. When he was sure I'd calmed down enough he asked, "Wanda? You okay, honey?"

It was a moment before I could answer. I swallowed hard. "Yes," I whispered, startled to hear that same ache I could feel constricting my chest in my voice as well. I only hoped Ian couldn't hear it too. It was a vain hope.

"What's wrong?" he demanded, abruptly anxious.

And before I was even consciously aware of the answer myself, it had already slipped through my lips. "Why did you stop?"

I felt him stiffen around me, and as soon as I'd actually comprehended what I'd said, my face flashed with mortifying heat. The embarrassment had me trying desperately to bury my head in Ian's chest.

It was unbearably quiet for a moment too long while Ian processed that, and then he was laughing, his massive body shaking uncontrollably around me. All too soon, I felt the breathy rub of his lips at my ear. "Hmmm, well if it's any consolation, Wanda, I didn't _want_ to stop," he mumbled, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I cringed even further into his chest, positive that he could probably see the glow of my cheeks through his shirt, despite how dark it was. "_You_ distracted me."

I heard Ian sigh as he leaned in to kiss me on my forehead before his weight was suddenly gone, the abruptness of the break in proximity making me shiver. Ian groaned as he stretched, the bones in his back and neck cracking simultaneously—the sound made me cringe. He dragged me to his side almost immediately afterwards, tucking my head into the crook of his neck. I squirmed a little in his tight embrace, trying to get comfortable.

"Get some sleep now, Wanda. You really need it."

"How do you expect me to sleep now?" I grumbled in my high, reedy voice. He laughed, and I could feel his smile on the back of my neck as his lips drifted up and down the length of it. I was glad I was facing away from him—I didn't think I'd be able to keep my voice stable, otherwise.

"Well, try," he insisted. "If we're going to help out with dinner, I don't want you passing out on me like you have before," he grumbled disapprovingly.

I frowned in the darkness. "I thought you were going to play football with Jamie and the others?"

"I'm not going to leave you to struggle with the chores all by yourself, Wanda. Especially while everyone else is off having fun. That's hardly fair."

"Don't worry about me," I assured him, yawning. "The girls will help me—you should relax and play. The others will be disappointed if you don't. You know better than anyone how much Kyle hates losing."

Ian sighed again, exasperated this time, his breath blowing my hair up and over into my face. I brushed it back without thinking about it. "Just sleep for now." Ian repeated his words from before, and this time I could hear how tired he really was. "I'll fight you on it when I'm more awake…" his voice trailed off then, and a few seconds later, Ian's soft snoring filled our little cavern.

I was only lying there for a few minutes before the tempo of Ian's deep, even breathing had my whole body going lax, limb by limb. My eyelids drooped, and I suddenly realized I was much more tired that I'd originally thought, or perhaps had been willing to admit. I drifted off, perfectly content, into strangely vivid dreams that made little sense…

* * *

x x x

* * *

I woke with a start, my whole body jerking awake. My eyes adjusted gradually, the stupor of sleep a little harder to shake off because the caves were so dark—it was impossible to tell what time it was, though it was definitely some time after nightfall. I rolled onto my back slowly and peeked over my shoulder. Ian was spread out like a starfish on his stomach, still sleeping deeply like he always did. The mental image of comparing someone like Ian with a delicate creature like a starfish—I didn't actually know what that was, but Pet's memories supplied me with a picture of the creature—had me giggling away like a chipmunk and struggling to keep it quiet so I didn't wake him up.

I slid to the end of the mattress and got to my feet as carefully as I could, opening the screen to our room and shutting it as quickly as possible. Ian slept as deeply as Jamie—I would have had to really shove him to wake him up…but that was if he was _really_ asleep. He'd done it once to me before. He was very good at pretending to be asleep, or so I'd learned from the occasional practical joke, which I'd never found very funny at all.

I tip-toed down the hallway, not daring to walk normally until I made it out into the junction that took me straight to the common room and through to the kitchen. I smiled when I saw Lily and Candy just starting to get the food ready to cook—I was just in time.

"Hi, Wanda," Candy greeted me easily with a sweet smile. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did, thank you," I told her. I moved to stand on the other side of the crate that held the raw meat for tonight's dinner, ready to help Lily lift it out onto the big tray's they already had prepared; I yawned again, still waking up.

Lily smiled attentively at me and patted my head. "Poor little Wanda," she whispered, a small, sad smile twisting the right corner of her lips up, "you work so hard. There's a football game going on down in the games room…Ian's playing, right?"—her voice faltered for a second when she said his name, and it wasn't difficult to understand why—"Why don't you go and watch? We've got dinner under control."

"No," I assured them, smiling back a little. "I want to help as much as I can—especially because I can do so little now that I'm in this new body."

Candy and Lily knew better than to argue with me after that; they both shrugged and moved to start moving the food to the tray. I shuffled after them, eager to help. Candy looked up from the wooden box when she saw me approach, and I stopped a good distance away, already recognising the expression on her face.

"Wanda, why don't you fill that pan over there with the hot water near the stove? There's a smaller pan you can use there for a cup—and the potatoes are in the bag. You can peel them while you're waiting for the water to boil."

I knew it.

I nodded, did an about face and went about my business. I found the smaller pan and started moving the almost-boiling water from one pot into the much larger one. It was hardly any effort at all. And though I felt a little guilty for having such an effortless job (especially after seeing Lily and Candy struggle with the unpacking), I was grateful for being able to contribute in any way possible. I was just starting to peel the potatoes when a very familiar voice called from out in the common room.

"Wanda!"

I sighed.

Candy and Lily started giggling.

"Wanda! I know you're in here," they called again, much close this time. "I can't believe that I actually went down to the games room first, and _expected_ you to be there. What was I thinking?"

I turned towards the entrance, ready to face the person who I already knew wasn't going to let me off easily.

She saw me standing there in the kitchen with a peeler still in my hand and groaned, rolling her eyes. "Wanda…you've got to stop this. Come and have some fun, will you? I'm sure Ian will just come and drag you down there, anyway, when he realizes where you are."

I frowned back at her, still feeling a little strange looking back at the face and body that had been mine for over a year; her face was much higher than I was used to. "I can't play, Mel," I told her; my tone was matter-of fact as I gestured to my miniature frame. "So there's no point in my sitting around doing nothing when I can be useful elsewhere."

"But one of the reasons we picked you out that body, Wanda, was so you'd have to lay off the chores at least a little bit!"

"Of course I can't lay off the chores, Mel. I wouldn't be useful to anyone, otherwise."

"That's not what I meant, Wanda!" she groaned again, turning my name into a complaint at the same time someone else called, "Melanie!"

Jamie came tearing into the kitchen at top speed, almost running down his sister in the process.

"Hey, watch it!" she snapped, but Jamie didn't seem to be paying any attention.

"The game's about to start, guys. C'mon, Mel! Jared sent me to find you and Wanda—let's go!"

"No, thanks," I said, dodging when Melanie reached for my hand. "I'm going to stay here and help out with the food—see you both at dinner." I smiled at them both and started turning back towards the potatoes when a hand came down fast and hard on my shoulder. I sighed, annoyed. "Please, Mel—"

"Wait a second," she mumbled, cutting me off. It sounded more like she was talking to herself, though. "Jamie," she called, more loudly this time. "Could you please go and wake up Ian?"

"_What_?" I gasped, whirling around to face her. "You don't need to do that! I'm really quite happy helping out here. Honestly! You don't need to go waking Ian just so I'll go and watch a _game_!"

"What are you talking about, Wanda?" Melanie looked at me, her expression so innocent and surprised that it was almost insulting, "we need Ian for the game." She shrugged. "He wanted to play, right?"

I saw the glint in her eye—she was daring me to argue with her. My lips pressed into a thin, hard line and she grinned right back at me, triumphant.

"Of course!" Jamie suddenly piped up. "We'll get flogged without Ian's help!" He sped off out of the kitchen and into the darkness before I had a chance to stop him. Melanie looked at me pointedly, raising one of her eyebrows. I almost pointed out to her that she had Jared on her team, and that was all the power they would need to win, but there was no point now that Jamie had run off.

I was trapped. Again.

I put the potato peeler down on the kitchen counter, crossing my arms defiantly across my chest. Melanie rolled her eyes. "Let's go," she said, snatching my hand and breaking into an all out run before we'd even made it out of the common room. I stumbled and tripped trying to keep up with her, fuming at the same time that my plan to make things difficult for her had failed; she was much too strong for me in this form.

"Slow down!" I demanded, already breathless.

"We're almost there," she sighed.

I was exhausted by the time we finally made it down to the games room. Moonlight leaked through the cracks in the rock formation overhead, giving the field an eerie glow. People were already gathering on the fields, running and testing each other. Clouds of dust danced through the damp air, clouding the field in a strange mist where ever they came into contact with the light. It was really quite…pretty.

It was only then that I noticed how many people were down here—almost everyone. I listed their names off in my head as my gaze drifted around the room: Geoffrey, Lacey, Brandt, Adam, Melanie, Jamie, Kyle, Sunny, Jared, Jeb, Maggie, Sharon, Doc, Aaron, Heath, Heidi, Paige, Andy, Violetta, Freedom…

"Hey, Wanda! Hey, Mel!" Jamie called from the other side of the field, waving with both hands. I could just make out his gangly form through the shadows. "You playing?"

"Of course!" Melanie replied, already moving over towards him. She stopped suddenly and looked back at me, excited. "Are you sure you don't want to play? You could be on our team—we'd all look out for you…Ian especially, I'm sure." She smiled in encouragement, holding her hand out to me.

"I think I'll sit this one out," I told her, shaking my head slowly.

"Me too, then," someone said from behind me in a still-sleepy garble, making me jump. No. It wasn't someone. I would have recognised that voice from anywhere.

"Okay, then. Suit yourself," Melanie agreed quickly, already running over to join her brother. "I'm just glad I got you away from that kitchen," she called out over her shoulder at me, laughing. I nodded absently, not really paying attention. I noticed Jared was standing off to the side, talking quietly with Jeb. I tried unsuccessfully to make out their expressions, but something told me it was serious.

I heard a loud grunt behind me, the sound of crunching gravel drawing my eyes away from the field. Ian's huge, warm hand reached out and swallowed my small one up in its grasp, pulling me along easily until I had nowhere to go but his lap. He drew me right up against his back, one of his arms drawing around me like a tight band of steel, and the other coming up and gathering my mass of golden curls in his fist and pushing them over my shoulder. I looked up again to see that the game was about to start, and Jared and Jeb were still entrenched in their conversation, Jeb's caterpillar eyebrows furrowed down deep in thought.

I felt Ian's lips press into the base of my neck; I shivered at the pleasure the slight touch created. "What are Jared and Jeb talking about?" I asked Ian in a whisper.

"Dunno," he mumbled into my shoulder, not really paying attention. "Why?"

"Hmmm…it could just be me, but it seems like it's something serious. I'm just a little worried because it could be bad…"

"I'm sure it's nothing," Ian said softly, the palm of his hand rubbing slowly back and forth across my stomach in reassurance. "You worry too much, honey. 'Sides, Jared and Jeb can't not have a serious conversation—those two have no sense of humour when it comes to each other."

I frowned, still uncertain. "If you're sure, then…"

"I am. They're probably discussing the next raid or something." I felt Ian shrug around me. "Just business, that's all."

It was a moment before I answered. "Okay."

"Jared, let's go!" Kyle shouted from the opposite end of the field. "We'd like to start playing this century, if you don't mind."

He ran over almost immediately to stand amongst his team members. The game started, and I soon lost all my worries amongst all the hooting and cheering. Ian's laughter was loud in my ear as he watched Kyle crash to the ground with Jared holding on tightly to his legs. I cringed, amazed how they could find something so violent so entertaining. Jared's team was up by several points when Brandt finally made a…touchdown, I think Ian called it.

A flurry of movement right beside us caught my eye and I looked over to see Sunny hesitantly making her way over towards us, her eyes shifting constantly between Ian and I. She was still incredibly timid and rather skittish around humans other than Kyle. I was the only other person she seemed to be comfortable around, it seemed.

I smiled at her approach, trying to reassure her. "Hi, Sunny," I greeted her quietly.

She stopped a few paces back, fully aware of Ian. "Hi, Wanda," she squeaked, edging her way closer carefully, her eyes on Ian the entire time.

"It's alright," I told her, smiling. "He won't hurt you. I promise."

"I-I know," she stuttered. She made a more noticeable movement towards me this time. Ian watched her with a smile on his face—trying to encourage her, I guessed.

I reached my arm out to her, and Sunny took it gratefully, her grasp was incredibly tight for such a little thing, I noted with surprise. She plonked herself down on the ground next to Ian and I, still giving Ian as wider birth as possible while she held on like a vice to my hand. I had to lean a little to the side to accommodate Sunny, and this seemed to bother Ian a little; he grumbled incoherently under his breath—something about being '_that_ scary'. I giggled.

Sunny's eye's drifted back to the field, watching Kyle, and she almost instantly cringed away when he fell hard against the ground, tackled by Jared again. She seemed to be trying pretty hard to bury her face in my arm. "I don't like this game," she whispered—I could barely hear her. "It's so…_violent_. I don't like watching Kyle get hurt."

"It's alright," and it was Ian talking this time. "This is all just fun, I promise. You can't hurt Kyle. Not easily, anyway. It'd take a boulder speeding down a mountain at two hundred miles an hour to do some serious damage, but see I don't know…his head is _so_ hard that the bolder might just shatter against it." Ian laughed out loud at the thought, which made Sunny jump in fright.

"Don't worry," I reassured her, trying not to laugh with him so I didn't startle her either. "Kyle will be fine—more than fine."

"I don't understand," Sunny mumbled meekly, looking at me with such an innocent, defenceless kind of confusion that it was hard not to jump up and give her a hug. It was such a strange impulse that I almost laughed at myself for it. But it was just that she looked so small and weak and venerable. Thinking of the way Sunny looked reminded me of Jamie's first words to me when I'd woken up in my new body—that because of the way I looked, people would naturally want to _protect_ me. Did I really look as defenceless as Sunny? Was that actually a good thing?  
This wasn't the first time I'd thought about this. I made me wonder if Jared, Jamie and Melanie hadn't taken something else into consideration when they were picking out my body. Not that they had necessarily been lying when they told me that Jared specifically liked this body's face especially because nobody could distrust it. But was there a more pertinent reason for this body? I was weak and tiny, and with my wide blue eyes, plump cheeks and full lips I looked in no way threatening. Jamie said it was the perfect body—that it fit my personality perfectly. But I also couldn't help but wonder if this new body also doubled as an insurance policy for people like Sharon and Maggie. People who, despite how long I'd been here—working just as hard as everyone else—still didn't trust me at all.

I shouldn't have felt offended. After all, I was the invader—I'd taken away their homes and families and forced them to live underground for the rest of their lives in these caves. That was understandable, but I think what I _didn't_ understand was why they still thought of me a threat? Did they really think me so dangerous?

"Hey," Ian murmured, and I could feel the breath of his words on the back of my neck. "Relax…what's gotten you all tensed up all of a sudden?"

"Nothing," I lied, and just like always, the lie fell flat.

Ian sighed. "I don't know why you still keep trying to lie—you're really, really bad at it. Y'know that, right?"

I sighed too, unwilling. I could feel Sunny watching me as well, her eyes intent on my face. "It's not a big deal. I was just…thinking."

"About?"

"About how it doesn't seem to matter what I do, there are some people here who I don't think will ever like me." I grimaced as I finished the thought, and Ian's arms tightened where they were resting loosely around my waist.

"I know what you mean," Sunny said in a low voice, leaning towards me. "Those girls…Sharon and Maggie…they scare me. But Kyle promised me he wouldn't let them hurt me, and I believe him." She practically beamed with conviction, and I couldn't deny how sweet her smile was.

"Don't worry about them." Ian spoke rather dismissively of the two women—his voice was almost a growl. "They've made no effort to get to know you. If they want to stick to their hate and prejudices, then they can. I don't care as long as I don't have to hear about it, and they don't go giving you any trouble. There's nothing you can do about them, Wanda. Don't even waste your time."

Absently, he reached for the back of my neck again, massaging the muscles lightly, seeming to know how that one action alone made me relax more than any reassurance could. I wondered idly if it had anything to do with the fact that nestled right under the skin beneath his touch was my little soul body. It was as close as anyone could get to touching me while I was embedded in a host, and the fact that it was Ian of all people who was kneading away at the thin surface that served as the only separation between his body and mine….It was an amazing feeling.

"Mmmm," I breathed, my body finally surrendering to the sensation and falling back, limp against his chest. My eyes fluttered closed and Ian chuckled. I didn't know how long I sat there like that in silence while Ian's fingers rubbed and probed all the right spots along the back of my head. The whole time, I was faintly aware of the sounds of a ball being kicked, and the occasional grunt as someone was tackled to the ground...

Someone laughed rather loudly at the same time I heard Sunny jump to her feet and exclaim, "Kyle!"

"Nice to see you away from the work for a change." Jeb's voice drifted past my ears, and I felt a small, contended smile start to form on my own lips. The game must have just finished.

"Hey Wanda," Melanie called from further away, her voice rather breathless. "Jared just asked—you want to go for a raid tomorrow?"

My eyes snapped open, focusing on the group that was suddenly crowded around me, all smiling fondly. My family…the most wonderful people I'd met in the known universe.

"Of course," I agreed wholeheartedly, shifting in Ian's arms. I was stiff from sitting still for so long. "If it'll help you all get the things you need, of course I'll go."

Everyone groaned. "That's not what she asked, Wanda," they all intoned together.


	2. Angered

**Definition: Life**

**Chapter 2: Angered**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

'_When you jump for joy, make sure no one moves the ground beneath your feet.'_

_--__**Stanislaw J. Lec**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

I quickly ran over the list again, slightly confused by some of the new items. "Why did we need balloons and streamers?" I asked Jared when Ian helped me up into the van. Andy was already carefully piling up our latest spoils into an unused corner, right next to the canned foods. The van sat idly in front of a small store just outside the suburbs near Tuscon.

Instead of Jared answering, it was Mel who turned around in her seat to look at me, her expression incredulous. "You didn't honestly think we wouldn't celebrate your birthday, did you, Wanda?"

It took me a moment to process that. I blinked, waiting for her to say it was a joke. She didn't.

"_What_?" I gasped, completely bewildered. "You don't have to do that! I-I'm not even _human_. Don't waste them on me. My birthday was two weeks ago! Save the decorations for Jamie's birthday—it's coming up soon, isn't it?" I was begging, trying desperately to distract them from this nonsensical idea. Surely they would realize there was no point—my birthday was two weeks ago! I'd never expected anything from anyone—it was a human tradition, and I would always be the exception to that rule. Besides, birthdays were never celebrated anywhere else _but _Earth. I'd gone thousands of Earth years without any kind of recognition for the day I was born…It was pointless to start now, especially because it wasn't _my _birthday—it was just the body I wore.

"Yes, it is…in about a month or so," Mel clarified, smiling fondly at the thought, but then her eyes narrowed on me. "That's irrelevant right now, though. We're celebrating _your _birthday _today_ whether you like it or not, Wanda, so just deal with it. You _are _human to us—so you need to learn about human traditions. Having a birthday is one of them."

"But—"

"No buts," she snapped, turning back to face the road. I could see her smiling, though. She was pleased.

I frowned, and Ian squeezed my hand. "It'll be great," he promised me. "You'll get to have presents and everything."

It was a moment before I could say anything—I struggled to keep my voice even. "I don't think it's a good idea," I finally said. "What about the others back at caves? What about _Sharon_? And Maggie? This would just upset them. It's unnecessary."

"It's a _brilliant_ idea," Melanie growled from the front seat. Jared chuckled. "And I couldn't care less about Sharon and Maggie. Not after the way they acted when Jamie was sick. Until they both apologise, I want nothing to do with either of them."

I gasped in the sudden, furious silence that followed. "But…but she's…they're your _family_, Mel!"

"And I couldn't be more ashamed of them at this point," she grumbled, turning to face me again with her eyes ablaze. "Anyonewho could _still_ hate or doubt your intentions by now can't possibly be human, because being human requires at least _some_ level of compassion. Those two, I have decided, are possibly the two most soulless humans left on the planet, no pun intended. It's a shame…Sharon never used to be that way."

"Home, then?" Jared asked, still smiling.

"Yes," Melanie and Ian agreed together.

I nodded absently, not really paying attention. My head was still reeling from the idea…The cake and decorations…I couldn't believe I didn't see it. I checked what remained of Pet's memories, and even there I could see why I never made the connection; Pet didn't know what a birthday _party _was at all. Souls acknowledged their human's hosts birthdays with little more than a greeting…and that was it. I only remembered what they were because of the time I'd spent in Melanie's body. Huh.

"You're not still freaking out about the whole birthday thing are you, Wanda?" Ian whispered, his fingers rubbing soothing patterns on the back of my palms.

"No," I said, but I'd answered too quickly.

My body didn't relax as his arms wrapped around me—I was too nervous. Couldn't they see how much trouble this was going to cause? People were just starting to get used to Sunny and I being in the colony. This was too risky; the whole idea was putting the peace they'd all worked so hard to build over the past month in jeopardy. I remembered what Jeb had said to me about boiling a frog in water and in context with the saying, I thought that this little stunt was turning the heat up too quickly.

"It'll be okay," Ian said, confident and still smiling as he pulled me into his lap. "Promise."

I shook my head in disagreement. I didn't believe him.

And just like it always was with humans, I couldn't tell if he was lying.

* * *

x x x

* * *

It was later, after I'd helped Trudy as much as I could with the rest of the unpacking, that things started to go downhill. It didn't take me long to figure out it was all staged. Trudy was always up for a casual chat anyway though, so I didn't catch on straight away. But when we'd been doing more talking than unloading…and Ian and the others didn't come back for another load…that was when I started to become suspicious. It was hard to concentrate on my suspicion; Trudy was throwing questions at me ruthlessly as we carried small loads to the storage caves. Everything from every, singe detail of the raid, to some other little details she wanted to know about some of the planets I'd visited. I _was _thoroughly distracted…and _annoyed_; I couldn't deny how grateful I was when we finally started to make our way back around to the common room. I tried to stop myself from running. The insatiable urge to see Jamie's face again was hard to beat down.

As I got closer and closer to the mess hall, the clearer it became that at least a couple of people were arguing. The hard, angry voices echoed loudly in the cave, and before I'd even stepped out into the room, I could tell distinctly who it was.

Ian and Sharon.

I frowned, irritated with Mel and Ian for not listening to me when I'd tried to explain what a problem this would be for her. But there _was_ something I didn't understand—Sharon had backed right off since I'd been inserted into this new body. Surely she knew by now that, no matter how much she hated me, that I would never put anyone in this little family in danger. Even if she didn't believe my intentions, she_ had _to seethat I was no longer physically _capable_ of doing any damage to anything. Surely…

"…And while you're at it, why don't you just go out and _thank _those disgusting little silver worms for invading our planet!" Sharon was shouting. The anger in her voice had me visibly cringing against the cave wall.

"Here we go," Trudy sighed, aggravated. She patted my shoulder. "Should have _known_ she'd start something…"

"Back off, Sharon," Ian growled, "I mean it. Or so help me God I'll…"

"You'll _what_?" she challenged, on the verge of screaming now. I didn't understand…why was nobody stopping this? Where were Jamie, Jared and Melanie? Doc and Jeb? I ran out into the room, and looked around for Ian. He was standing in the middle of the mess hall, amongst the tables and benches, not two feet away from Sharon. His huge hands were clenched tightly into fists at his side and even from here, halfway across the room, I could see the veins standing out on his neck. I swallowed hard; I hadn't seen him this angry since before I'd tried to leave.

"I can't believe you! _All of you_! It's bad enough tha-that…_thing _is living here! Worse, there's _two_ of them now!" she screeched, "and so now you want to go and throw it a _birthday_—"

Sharon cut off her rant abruptly when she saw me standing there behind them. She turned her venomous glare on me and I cringed away, terrified. Her entire face and neck was blazing with her anger—the same colour as her fiery hair. Her whole body was practically shaking with her rage.

Ian turned to see what had her tongue tied, and the instant his eyes fell on me, his expression looked as horrified as I felt. "Wanda!"

Forgetting that he was arguing with her at all, he almost ran to my side, looming over me protectively. Ian's hand came up, seemingly without him having to think about it, his fingers brushing lightly across my cheek. I turned my face into his touch. "Sorry you had to see that," he apologised, his voice sad. "I know how much you hate it."

"It's not your fault, Ian," I told him, slowly shaking my head. The movement had my lips brushing back and forth against the rough skin of his palm. He knew me so well…

He snorted, dismissive. "I know that. I also know _whose_ fault it is," he growled underneath his breath.

"At least I'm not the one who's fallen in _love_ with a disgusting little worm," Sharon spat over his shoulder. "Attraction to slimy little parasites run in the family, does it?" I jumped, startled by how close she was all of a sudden.

Ian's whole body tensed, his jaw slamming shut with an audible snap. He rose up back to his full height slowly, trying hard—and failing miserably—to control his breathing. I recognised that look immediately; my eyes bulged.

"No, Ian!" I called out, running around to stand in-between him and Sharon. I reached for one of his massive hands with both of mine, desperately trying to get his attention.

His eyes flashed down to mine, furious. "It's okay," I reassured him. "She's allowed to be angry at me"—I smiled half-heartedly; sort of teasing but not really—"I'm the intruder, after all. Remember?"

Ian shot me an irritated look and was about to protest, I could tell, but Sharon beat him to it.

"Damn right you are!" she suddenly roared, the caves echoing loudly with her anger. The blue flames in Ian's eyes roared to life again from the flicker of light they'd been just moment's ago. "So why don't you take your own advice and—"

A loud, painful _slap_ reverberated through the room. I heard Sharon fall to the ground and I cringed into Ian's shirt, horrified. I couldn't believe he'd hit her.

"Get out of here," a voice demanded—not Ian, which surprised me. I knew that voice—it was…it used to be mine. I turned to peek out of the corner of my eye, and sure enough my sight confirmed it—she glared balefully at Sharon who was still kneeling on the dusty floor, her right hand resting on her cheek in shock.

Melanie. Mel…

But Sharon wasn't finished yet.

"How can you stand there and _defend _it when it took your body! Your _body_, Mel! And then you go out and get it a _new_ body when Doc takes it out—some other poor girl who has to suffer with that worm inside its head! What's wrong with you? Why didn't you kill it when you had the chance?!"

Ian's hand drew my face into his chest almost roughly this time, and I winced when I heard another painful smack. I thought Melanie was overdoing it.

"Because I _love _her, Sharon," Mel said rather quietly, almost complacently. Her words didn't match her actions, though. "She's the most compassionate, selfless, wonderful _person_ I know—the closest thing to a sister I have. Her taking my body wasn't her fault, that's just how her species live…how _Wanda _haslived for thousands of years. We humans aren't much different, you know. How many people of other races…how many different species of animals have we eradicated in the name of how _we_ live? If we blame them, we're just being hypocrites. But that's irrelevant right now"—her voice changed again, became harder. Angrier—"What's relevant now is that Wanda is _here_, _we_ love her, _we_ care about her…we _need _her, and if you can't deal with that, then you know the rule."

Melanie glared at Sharon meaningfully, who was still frozen in disbelief. I was torn in two; part of me was balking because I couldn't stand the thought of Sharon leaving—what would Doc and Maggie do without her?—and the other half of me was almost crying for joy about what Mel had said: that she'd shown both me and my species such respect…that she really seemed to care about me that much…I couldn't believe it. I was touched. I could feel the tears in my eyes.

Sharon got up without a word, dusting her clothes off, and not looking at anybody. "I loved you, too, y'know," Melanie added, subdued. "The girl I grew up with and spent all my spare time playing dress-up with when we were younger. I was looking for you—that's how I got caught. You must know that by now. But I'm starting to think it was a wasted effort if this is what you've turned into. I don't expect you to understand Wanda's relationship with me—nobody _really _does. It's…very complicated. I don't even expect you to like her. But you _do _have to _respect _her position in this community. She works very hard—"

"_Respect_?" Sharon spat right back at her cousin, "she does hardly _anything_! We have to do everything for her—"

"Then _leave_ if you don't like it!" Mel interrupted vehemently, looming over Sharon, staring her down.

I felt the tears spring into my eyes, and turned back into Ian's side, wiping them on the edge of his shirt. I couldn't stand being the centre of so much discord here. I didn't _want_ Sharon or Maggie to hate me, but I was starting to see that was an impossibility; the idea seemed too repugnant for them to handle. They'd both been so quiet this whole time that I thought perhaps they were beginning to accept me as part of this family. I could see now I was wrong I really was.

Ian noticed my crying—excitement and shyness weren't the only emotions that got out of hand in this body. Fear and sadness—experienced so little by Pet in her simple, naïve world—were always almost over the top, engulfing. It wasn't long before I was almost sobbing; I bit down hard on my lip to keep from making a sound, but Ian was quicker. His hands were around my waist and pulling my tiny body up into his arms before I even knew what was happening. I could still hear Sharon and Melanie arguing in the background.

"C'mon. Let's get you out of here," Ian whispered, moving his lips over my wet eyelashes. "Don't cry, honey."

He started walking away without looking back at either of the girls, and I curled more willingly against his chest as soon as we were out in the corridor, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

"Some birthday party," Ian grumbled, suddenly livid. "I swear if Sharon comes anywhere _near_ the common room tonight, I'll have her head."

"I shook my head feebly, trying to wipe away the tears with my small hands. "Don't," I whispered, hiccupping despite my best efforts to prevent it. "It's not Sharon's f-fault. I told you…I told you this would upset people."

"They have to get over it…or answer to us, Wanda. You're one of us now, and nothing they say or do can change that."

Ian was strolling through the plaza now, his arms cradling me loosely against his chest; my body swayed along with the motion of his. People were going about their daily chores as usual, watching me and Ian with a speculative expression that I'd never seen before. Some of them were even angry, but I could tell the anger wasn't directed at me like it used to be. Candy saw us as she was walking by, and she smiled ruefully at me, stopping briefly to squeeze my hand in reassurance before she walked back down the corridor to the hospital, I assumed.

I saw Jeb working with Andy, Brandt, Heidi and Violetta in the fields—he looked really tired. Like he needed help.

"Put me down, Ian." I croaked, sniffing. "It's okay—I'll be fine."

Ian looked down at me, followed my gaze and sighed, exasperated. "Wanda, those tools are too heavy for you. You know that you can't—"

"I'm going to help anyway I can," I told him, interrupting his lecture. I squirmed in his arms until he reluctantly set me down on my feet. I ran over and through the fields as quickly as I could, my small, weak frame struggling with the effort of the exercise. By the time I reached Jeb, I was heaving for breath. Ian had kept pace with me easily.

At least Jeb was happy to see me. "Hiya, Wanda! Happy Birthday, sweetie."

I smiled a little, reminding myself that he obviously had no idea about Mel's fight with Sharon yet. "Thanks," I mumbled, examining his dirty face carefully. "You need any help here?"

"Not really, but some water would be great. Sharon was our runner and she seems to have disappeared for the moment."

I cringed involuntarily, and of course Jeb noticed; his eyes widened in recognition. It was only then that he seemed to notice my puffy red eyes and tear-stained face. "Oh," he mouthed, putting two together. It didn't take long for the realization to faze into anger, though. "I swear if that girl doesn't start watching the rules, I'll turn her out on her ass so quick she won't know what's happened," he growled, throwing his hoe to the ground at his feet with more force than necessary and storming off in the direction Ian and I had come from.

"_Magnolia_! _Sharon_!" Jeb bellowed, his angry voice echoing sharply off the cavern walls as he disappeared down the passageway.

"Good riddance," Ian muttered under his breath as he watched Jeb leave, and then his eyes were on me again. "I'm going to go and fetch these guys some water. Stay _here_, okay? I mean it this time, Wanda. Don't make me hunt you down."

"Okay," I agreed easily. It had only just occurred to me then how upset Ian was for my sake. "I won't go anywhere."

"Good." And with that, he started running back towards the mess hall. It was quite for a moment after that, and then Violetta giggled.

"A little overprotective, isn't he?" she said, winking at me. I felt my face flush and looked away. "Though I suppose your new body isn't doing you any favours in that department. Honestly, I don't think Jamie could have picked a more helpless looking girl. I have to admit that when I saw you running over here with Ian before, I just wanted to give you a big hug."

"I know," I murmured, surprised at how much she seemed to like me. "I hate feeling so useless. The only thing I'm good for is raids, now."

"I think he's being incredibly sweet," Heidi objected. Her hands absently reaching out to play with my hair as she spoke. "He really does care about you a lot, Wanda and it's so adorable to watch." Heidi laughed along with Violetta this time and the boys, realizing they were out of their depth, walked away grumbling incoherently under their breath about 'females' and 'carrying on'. I didn't really understand. "Besides," she continued, watching me with a disapproving expression, "you really need to lay off on the work, anyway."

"Wanda!" I turned automatically at the sound of my name, wary to see Melanie and Jamie approaching me with huge smiles on their faces. Nothing about their expressions was even remotely sincere.

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion as they approached me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Jamie said happily, but it felt too put on, even for him. "We just wanted to come and talk with you for a bit."

I scoffed. "_I_ might be a terrible liar, and even a little gullible, but you can't expect me to believe _that_." My eyes shifted quickly between their faces, watching as their smiles disappeared. "You _never _want to just chat, Mel," I accused her.

"That's not true!" she said incredulously, her lips pressing into a fierce and stubborn frown. She glared at me for a long minute. "Fine. You want the truth, then I'll tell you the truth," she grumbled, crossing her arms defiantly.

Jamie gasped. "You can't do that, Mel! The whole thing will be pointless then!"

"What's pointless?"

"Nothing," Jamie said to me again quickly, turning his back on me to face his sister. "Mel, don't you _dare _ruin the surprise!"

"Surprise?" I asked, my voice going flat. It took a moment before the horrible truth dawned on me. My eyes widened in disbelief. "You aren't _still_ going ahead with the party, are you? After what just happened…are you _crazy?_" My voice cracked as it shot up a few octaves. Violetta came up behind me to place a comforting hand on my shoulder. I ignored it. "You were there, Melanie! You saw how she reacted!"

"Calm down, Wanda," she sighed, evidently put out. "Stop being so difficult. We _want _to do this for you. And Sharon Maggie won't bother us—they're well out of everyone's way."

"That's not the point!"

"Wanda…" Jamie complained, coming right up to me and taking both of my hands. "You _have _to be there. I worked really hard to get everything ready before, and I got you a present and everything."

My anger faded considerably at this. I couldn't bring myself to object to anything when Jamie was upset or wanted something. I would do anything…_give _himanything he asked me to.

And he knew it.

I watched him for a moment, my eyes searching his wonderfully sweet face. "Okay," I agreed grudgingly, squeezing his hands. "I'll come."

"Yay! I win!" Jamie exclaimed, unabashed. I sighed.

"What's happening here?" Ian called in a loud voice, coming up behind me. He took one look at my face and slipped his hand underneath the cloud of my hair and started massaging the back of my neck again. I relaxed immediately, as he knew I probably would.

I kept my eyes trained on Jamie's face, fighting the drooping of my lashes. I watched as his eyes darted up above my head—presumably to Ian, whom I was now lightly leaning up against—and smiled. "You ready?"

"Yep," came his response, and I stifled a groan. I really hoped this worked out.

Ian's hand slipped away from its position on my neck, along my shoulders and down my arm and grabbed my hand.

"C'mon." Ian started tugging lightly, trying to get me to follow.

He didn't say anything; only raised a challenging eyebrow. I knew that there was no point fighting it—he had no problem carrying me. In fact, I was pretty sure he'd enjoy carrying me into a room with my tiny little body drooped over his shoulder…

"Nothing will happen," he said happily, though I could not relax.

I didn't say anything. I was tired of trying to prove him wrong.

I simply obeyed, allowing him to lead me down through the dark tunnels. Though I could not see, I knew we were about to walk out into the plaza. Jamie and Mel followed behind us quietly. Jamie's excitement over the whole event was a palpable thing; he twitched and fidgeted the whole way, impatient with our pace. Melanie shushed him a few times, but he never calmed down. I smiled in the darkness.

The massive cavern that was the plaza came into view just as we rounded the corner. The moon must have been high in the sky outside. Bright beams of moonlight broke through the cracks in the ceiling, casting the purple walls and floor of the cave in such an odd, silvery colour that for a second, the massive cave that had been my home for so long were completely unfamiliar.

I didn't realize it until my eyes has adjusted, but there was something there in the middle of the room—a long, rectangular object…a table, I noticed a minute later. And there was a _lot _on the table; I couldn't make out the strange shapes in the moonlight, the shadows crept along the dusty ground and up the walls…

"**SURPRISE**!"

I swore that I'd just jumped out of my skin.

I screamed.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry that it's taken me so long to get this chapter up guys. I just haven't felt like being on my computer much in my spare time lately, because I spend 40+ hours a week working on it. :S Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. Chapter 2 & 3 were actually the same chapter, but I thought 9000 words might have been a bit too much for some people's poor eyes. I have Chapter 3: _Celebrated _all ready to go, though. :) It'll be up some time before the weekend is through, I promise! It's going to be pretty fluffy! ;)

Sorry if you thought I was torturing poor Wanda, too. But Petal Open to the Moon was probably the most naïve soul on the planet…at least when it comes to human "traditions" (I don't really know if you'd call them "traditions" or "clichés"—a surprise party seems pretty cliché, don't you think?) Pfft. Whatever.

Hope you're all liking the story so far. Feedback—both positive and negative—is much appreciated.

Thanks a bunch!

Warui-Usagi


	3. Celebrated

**Definition: Life**

**Chapter 3: Celebrated**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

"_The silence often of pure innocence persuades when speaking fails."_

_**--William Shakespeare **_

* * *

x x x

* * *

The huge lanterns sitting in each corner of the room suddenly exploded into life, and the air that came rushing out of my lungs in a blast of sound had everyone looking at me first like I was crazy, then they seemed confused. The ringing of 35 loud voices in the cave had my ears ringing, too; terrified and reacting completely on instinct, I whirled around on my feet (intending to make a run for it) and—not realising how close he was—I smacked right into Ian.

"Whoa, calm down, Wanda. It's okay! It's just a surprise party, don't panic. Nobody's going to hurt you."

I looked up at him in disbelief, my heart still flying in my chest. "What?"

"A _surprise_ party," he emphasised, watching me with an amused expression as he turned me back around to face everyone. "You knew there was going to a party, but you didn't know _where._" He laughed. "Wasn't expecting that kind of reaction though—you should have seen your face!"

"It's not funny. And that certainly wasn't surprising. It was _terrifying_!" Ian rolled his eyes.

"C'mon Wanda!" Jamie called. Pushing his way through the crowd, he ran straight up to me and took my hand and yanked on it. Hard. "The presents are this way!"

"Give me a second," I told him. I still hadn't had a chance to stop and absorb everything. It wasn't until Ian's arm draped across my shoulder that I realized I'd started shaking. The most familiar of the faces broke away from the large group of people then, and started making their way over towards us.

"Everything okay?" Melanie asked as she came up beside Ian with Jared in-hand. They both looked at me, slightly worried.

"You screamed pretty loud," Jared rejoined, trying not to smile and failing miserably.

Childishly, I turned my face away from them both, refusing to say anything. Ian started to laugh, so I shrugged out from under his arm, walking away before he could protest. Just before I was out of earshot, I heard Jeb ask, "What was all that about?"

Jamie ran up behind me and took my hand, giving it a gentle, supportive squeeze. I turned to smile a little at him. My Jamie.

"They were just having some fun with you," Jamie said, trying to placate me. "That's what tonight is supposed to be, Wanda—fun…But you don't seem very happy." He frowned, looking away.

I stopped walking, grabbing both of his large, gangly hands in my tiny ones to get his full attention. Even though I wanted to deny it—say what I knew would make him happy again, I was incapable of lying. "I'm sorry, Jamie," I whispered. "I've just…never done this kind of thing before, and to be honest, all it's managed to accomplish so far is to scare me."

He nodded, seeming to understand. "I did worry about how you would respond to a surprise party. But Mel didn't seem to have any objections. I thought that if there _was _going to be any problem that Mel would know, because…of all that time you guys spent together." He smiled at me attentively, giving my hands another little squeeze. "I'm sorry that you were frightened, Wanda," he said. "At least now we know—no more surprise parties, right?"

I giggled. "Right."

"Now," he started, his voice suddenly more enthusiastic than before. "Let's go and get you your presents!"

I didn't get a chance to reply as he pulled me along, his long stride providing a challenge for my little body to keep up with. I was glad that the table wasn't too far away, and as soon as Jamie had pulled me right up to it, he grabbed the first off a mountain of brightly coloured parcels—a very small, bright blue box—and shoved it in my free hand.

"Open it," he commanded. "It's from me."

"Oh," I breathed, surprised. I did as he said, and began to undo the rough little bow that had been tied on top. "Thank you, Jamie."

"No problem," he replied impatiently. I could feel his eyes trained on my face, watching for my reaction.

I opened the lid carefully and gasped when I saw it.

Sitting there, resting on a little bed of tissue paper was the most beautiful hairclip. The clip itself was made of a heavy, bronze coloured metal, and as I twirled it carefully in my fingers, the moonlight that always slipped through the cracks in the ceiling glinted brightly off a small, smooth, brown and caramel stripped stone that was attached to the clip at the very end.

"It's Tiger's Eye," Jamie told me, smiling hugely—clearly he was satisfied with my response. "Jeb helped me polish it up for you. I found it once when I was playing in the forest, waiting for Mel to come back with food one day. I've always liked it, and so now I want you to have it." There was a short pause, and I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to say something. My throat felt like there was something stuck in it and I could feel my eyes starting to water. I'd never gotten a present before…

"So you like it?" he asked anxiously.

"Of course I do, Jamie! It's so _pretty_!" I pulled the mass of curls that had fallen in front of my face back behind my left ear and carefully pushed the pin into place. It held my hair back pretty well. I smiled up at him, doing a little twirl on the spot. "How do I look?"

"Adorable." The compliment didn't come from Jamie. Ian stood apart from the crowd of faces who'd gathered, watching me with amused eyes. As I looked around at everyone else, I realized they were all smiling at me, too. My cheeks flushed scarlet and I ducked my head, suddenly embarrassed with all of the attention.

I heard footsteps approaching, and when Ian spoke he sounded much closer. "Way to go, kid," he grumbled, laughing. "Trying to show the rest of us up are you?" Jamie laughed too when Ian playfully ruffled his hair.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking up. Ian rolled his eyes, and Jamie beamed.

"Open mine next!" Melanie cried, running up to the three of us with a huge smile on her face.

"No, Wanda!" Heidi called, nudging Melanie in the side with her elbow. "You _have _to open mine next!"

I stared at them both, wide-eyed. When did everyone get the time to _find _me all these presents? How long had they been planning this? Everyone was always working so hard. I'd never noticed a change in the schedule, or in the amount of people that were working in the different areas of the caves; the numbers always seemed to stay the same. I hadn't gotten these items for them on raids—I would have remembered that. Or would I?

Heidi shoved a long, bright red package into my hands and cheered. "Ah hah! Now you have to open mine first, Wanda."

"But you cheated!" Mel protested. I giggled nervously, a little overwhelmed by their enthusiasm.

And it was like that the whole night.

I had gotten some great presents, and I was surprised by how much I'd enjoyed myself—what I'd expected to be an uncomfortable and overall miserable event, had turned into one of the most memorable days of my life on this planet. Heidi had given me a beautifully woven length of light blue ribbon. She made me sit down while she platted my wildly curly hair and tied it in. Of course, while I was sitting down, trapped, Melanie took the opportunity to make me open up her present. I was a little surprised by what it was—more surprised that even during my recreational time on this planet that I'd never considered reading one.

"You don't have any books, and I can never remember you ever reading one, either," she'd explained. I examined the cover carefully, reading the title out aloud.

"_Sense and Sensibility_." I had looked away from the book and up at Melanie, who was sitting beside me, hugging her knees to her chest as she rocked back and forth slightly. "What's it about?"

"It's a beautiful story," she had promised. "Romantic, of course—just like a good book should be"—a wink in my direction—"but it's more than that. It's about what obstacles love is capable of conquering…provided _both _people in that relationship refuse to let anything to stand in the way of that love."

I was a little confused. "And what happens when one person _does _let something stand in the way?"

Her smile had faded a little, almost like she was sad. "Then everything falls apart."

She saw my doubtful expression and laughed. "Don't worry. Overall, it's a happy story. I think you'll enjoy it. It's considered a classic piece of human literature."

"_Really_?" That surprised me, but the morals of the story had me undeniably curious. How could the destruction of a romance be considered fulfilling in _any _way?

"It's not violent or scary, either," she had assured me, rolling up on her knees to give me a quick squeeze around the shoulders before she was called away by Jamie. Heidi was happy to take over the conversation, and I found myself laughing along with her easily; I let the book rest in my lap.

The only thing that had me slightly worried throughout the whole evening was the way that Ian was acting. He was always hovering close by, always within view, but he never made any kind of attempt to come any closer. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time, save for the few times people stopped to talk to him on their way past, but it was never for very long. The few times I had caught his eye throughout the evening, I'd noticed a certain pensiveness in his expression. The brilliant sapphire of his eyes had dulled and glazed over with the intensity of his thoughts. Something about his face even had me thinking he was anxious or worried, though I couldn't imagine why.

"All done," Heidi announced. I moved my neck, startled at how the weight of my hair had been concentrated in an odd pattern right down the centre of my head. "It's called a braid," she informed me. "That colour looks wonderful on you, Wanda. Very pretty."

"Thank you, Heidi."

"You're very welcome."

Just as I was getting to my feet, with the intention of checking up on Ian, two little bodies darted out of the crowd at an incredible speed. I heard a few protests as they shoved their way past.

Isaiah and Freedom almost ran into me they were going so fast. Both looked right up at me, their eyes gleaming with adoration. "Wanda! Wanda!" They crooned, jumping up and down and grabbing at my shirt just in case they didn't already have my attention.

I smiled fondly at them both, reaching for their grasping hands. "Yes?"

"You have to come with us! Mummy said!"

The room had gone very quiet now. Everyone was watching the two little boys with huge, expectant smiles on their face.

I giggled. "Sure."

People stood aside to let us through this time, whispering excitedly as they watched me pass. Everyone was in on it except me, it seemed. What was going on? The boys led me right up to another, much smaller table that had been set up at the back of the room, just outside the kitchen.

"Okay, she's here!" Freedom shouted, and before I knew what was happening, the lanterns were dimmed, and Lucina and Candy were walking carefully around the corner with a large, cylindrical object in their hands. Sparks were flying everywhere off the top, and with a small grunt, they placed it down on the table in front of me…

And then everyone was singing.

I jumped a little a first, because just like before, the combination of so many voices was incredibly loud—much louder than I was used to—but I recovered much more quickly this time, and when I actually listened to the lyrics, I was incredibly touched.

Everyone was actually _singing _me Happy Birthday.

I couldn't believe it.

It was only a short song—the singing seemed to end just as abruptly as it began—and then Freedom was jumping up and down, watching the sparks slowly start to sizzle out. "Make a wish, Wanda. You wish for anything you want and it'll come true!"

"Oh."

"You have to blow the candles too!" Isaiah interjected impatiently. "Quickly! Before they go out!"

I didn't know what to wish for in such a hurry, except that I hoped that everything and everyone would always be this wonderful here. That _life_ would always be this wonderful. I took a deep breath, and blew as hard as I possibly could; it wasn't strong enough to extinguish the sparklers completely, but they fizzled out only a few seconds later. The lanterns brightened almost immediately after that, and it was then I was able to see that the large, circular thing in front of me was in fact a cake—absolutely smothered in chocolate icing. Lucina disappeared briefly, and then reappeared with a large knife in hand, ready to cut up the cake. She scolded her two little boys when they insisted on having the first two pieces—that I got the first piece because it was _my _birthday—but I waved her worries away, letting her serve them first. Slowly, everyone followed suit.

Jared, Melanie, Ian, Jamie and of course Ian came and sat with me while we all ate our cake. Freedom crawled into my lap like he always did the second I sat down, and even helped me eat my cake by feeding small portions to me on my fork. His little arms wobbled a lot, and he almost always missed—most of the cake ended up smeared on my cheeks and nose. I probably looked beyond ridiculous, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from laughing. Everyone was laughing. I couldn't ever remember a time when I'd been so hysterical with happiness.

Many went back for seconds…Kyle was on his third piece when he and Sunny came over to wish me well. I laughed at that, unable to comprehend how much these men were capable of eating. Sunny gave me quick hug before she retreated back into Kyle's side, his arm reaching around her shoulder protectively.

The room was much the same as it had been throughout the night: full of lively chatter and laughter. Once again, I felt like I'd been secretly injected with more No Pain. The room was glowing with everyone's jovial mood, and I couldn't help but be swept up in it.

Jeb and Doc found me a little later on, after the later (or rather early) hour had finally started to take its toll. They both wished me a good night and a happy birthday, saying that my present was sitting in the storage room underneath a grey tarp when I wanted to go and have a look; they wouldn't say anymore than that. I promised them I would check it out tomorrow before I left them to find Ian. He was watching me again, leaning up against the counter just outside the kitchen with the same, thoughtful expression. He straightened and opened both of his arms at my approach, a small smile creeping its way onto his lips.

"What's wrong?" I asked, craning my head all the way back to look at him.

"Nothing," he replied, absently smoothing my hair.

I frowned. "I don't believe you. You've been acting like this all night, Ian—not yourself at all."

He laughed under his breath, and something about it was off. He sounded…nervous? "You noticed that, did you?"

"Yes." I narrowed my eyes, trying to decipher where all of his anxiety was coming from. "Now tell me what's bothering you."

He shook his head slowly, smiling again. "You tired, Wanda? It's been a very long day."

"Ian…" I started to complain, but he shushed me.

"I'm not telling you here."

"Okay, fine," I agreed, wary now. "Will you tell me when we get to our room?"

He swallowed hard, nodding. "Yeah."

"Alright then. Just give me a minute to say goodnight to everyone."

I turned away from him only for a second, calling out a general goodbye to the few people who were left, before I grabbed Ian's hand and led him from the room. He was in no hurry to leave, which surprised me. I'd never seen him so on-edge about anything before. It had me worried. Neither of us spoke as we walked through the familiar tunnels, but Ian's uneasiness increased the closer we came to the main hallway. He went to open the screen to our room with both hands, but I refused to relinquish my grip. I ducked in through the side that was already open, pulling him along with me. I moved to sit on the double mattress that was our bed while he stiffly closed the screen behind us. From behind, I could see how tense his shoulders were.

"Tell me," I demanded, reaching for him.

But instead he moved around the bed to his little pile of clothes in the corner, roughly shuffling through them, looking for something. I frowned, though he didn't see. "I just finished folding those yesterday."

"I know. Sorry." He found it a few seconds later, thought it was too small and too dark for me to see what it was. He had something in his other hand too—a lantern, I noticed when he plonked down on the mattress across from me. He put it on the ground next to us and I watched, a little confused, as he turned it on to a dull glow. The light flickered, struggling to maintain such a low level of power. It was enough, though, for me to see him clearly.

"Tell me. Please," I whispered.

He sighed, pushing himself closer so that our knees were touching and placed a small, furry black box on the bed in front of me.

I picked it up carefully, examining it. Ian watched me intently, just like Jamie had earlier on it the night. I looked back up at his face, and his eyes met mine. He was beyond apprehensive now. "Is this what you're worried about?" I asked, puzzled.

Ian rolled his eyes, too anxious it seemed to be anything but annoyed. "Open it, Wanda. It's your present."

I blinked at him. "Oh" was all I could say.

"You seem surprised," he noted, not quite managing with his usual casual tone. "You really didn't think I would give you anything?"

I had to think about it for a minute. "Well, no…not that you wouldn't _give _me anything," I tried to explain, struggling with the words. I never really talked about my feelings—usually because I'd never had them before—but just like it always did in this body, the crippling embarrassment had my eyes shifting constantly between Ian and the bed. I could only manage to look at him for a second before I had to look away again. "But I…I have _you_ now," I confessed; my face felt like it was on fire. "I just…I didn't think…It never occurred to me…to hope for anything more than that. More than you. I already have so much more than I ever thought possible that I…I…" I bit down on my lip, unable to say anymore.

"Wanda…"

I saw the shadow of his arms as they reached out, wrapping themselves tightly around my waist and lifted me into Ian's lap. His hands travelled from my waist, up my arms and to my face, his thumb brushing lightly over my lips. I still couldn't look at him—and a part of me was angry about that. I clung at his shirt, hoping that he understood how much I wished I had more control over my reactions.

I felt his fingers drift lightly across my cheek and down underneath my chin; small swirls of heat danced across my skin in their wake. Gently, he tilted my head back, kissing me softly. Ian sighed, content, as he rested his forehead against mine, our noses just touching. "I love you," he murmured against my mouth, making me smile. "So much."

"I love you, too," I whispered, leaning into the crevasse of his shoulder and letting my eyes close, feeling beyond comfortable. I wasn't planning on moving an inch from where I was until I was forced to. Ian's hand absently began smoothing my hair; we sat like that in complete silence for what felt like a long time, listening to each other breathe. I could feel myself starting to drift off…

"Wanda?"

"Hmmm…?" I mumbled, not really listening.

He hesitated for the briefest moment and when he spoke, it was clear he was trying not to laugh. "You still haven't opened my present yet."

"Oh!"

My eyes fluttered open, and I was suddenly aware of the tiny box still in my hand. I grudgingly began to move, rearranging myself in his lap so that my back was nestled comfortably against his chest. Ian draped his arms loosely over my waist when I was done, with his chin resting lightly on the top of my head.

"Gone on," he urged.

I pinched the lid between my thumb and forefinger, but didn't open it. Ian's tensed in expectation, and once again I found myself wondering why this whole thing had him so on edge. I opened it cautiously, aware that whatever would be in a box this small must have been quite fragile.

Resting there in the dark blue stain sat a beautiful ring that sparkled eerily in the dim lantern light. The face was star shaped, with what looked like a sapphire nestled in the middle and a triangular-cut diamond at each point. The band was made of a silver coloured metal that I couldn't identify, but it was also encrusted with the same glittering stones. It was stunning—I couldn't deny that—but my head was suddenly spinning, overwhelmed.

"It was my mother's," Ian started to explain in an uncomfortable tone, his lips suddenly at my ear. "My father gave it to her when they—"

"Ian, it's…so beautiful. I love it, but this is…this is _too_ _much_! I-I could never…I can't…" I stuttered, falling over my words.

"Yes, you can," he insisted, plucking the ring from the box and taking my hand in his. He slid the ring into place on my third finger and held it out for both of us to examine. "Phew! That's a relief." He exhaled in loud gush of breath, his body relaxing. "I was a little worried I wouldn't get the size right. You have such tiny fingers." He chuckled lightly.

I jumped out of his lap and onto the mattress, turning to face him. "Ian…I…What if I damage it? Or even worse, _lose _it? I could never forgive myself if something like that happened. And know much this must mean to you—"

"It means much more to me seeing _you_ wear it, Wanda."

"But—"

"Shhh," he said, holding a finger to my lips. "For once can't you just take a gift without worrying that you don't deserve it?"

"Ian…"

"What?"

I saw the defensive flash of his eyes and knew that if I kept protesting, I was only going to hurt his feelings. A sudden burst of intuition told me that this was probably what he was so afraid of—he knew how I would react to such an extravagant gift, but he was determined for me to have it anyway. Knowing that, it made me wonder why he had insisted on it in the first place, so I changed tact.

"Why did you give me this?"

"Because I want you to have it," he said just a little too quickly.

"I know that, but out of everything you could have given me…Why this ring?" I asked suspiciously, fluttering my fingers in front of his face.

He sighed as he took my hand and pulled me closer. He was still nervous, and this time he was the one who couldn't look me in the eye as he played with my fingers. "Do you even know what _kind _of ring this is, Wanda?"

I looked at it for a moment, then back at him, confused as to what he was getting at. "What do you mean by "_kind_" of ring?"

He groaned pretty loudly, throwing his face into his hands. "I knew this would happen," he muttered.

"Knew what would happen? Ian, you're not making any sense," I complained. I rose up onto my knees and tugged futilely at his arms, trying to see his face.

Ian hesitantly dropped his them back into his lap a few minutes later, and his expression both worried and puzzled me; it was a strange combination of what I could only guess to be disappointment and embarrassment. He averted his gaze almost immediately as he took my hand and started playing with my fingers. I fixed my other hand underneath his chin, gently coaxing it upwards until he had to look at me. It only took me a second to figure out what must have happened; the realisation was like having a bucket of iced water hurled in my face.

But Ian was faster. He read the guilt-twisted look on my face with one of his own, holding up both of his hands as if he was stopping traffic. "No, Wanda. Don't start—don't you _dare_ start with the apologies," he warned. "You've done absolutely _nothing_ wrong. This is my fault. I had…unrealistic expectations of you. I'm sorry."

"But it _was _something I said, wasn't it?" I asked, panicking. "You're upset. I'm so sorry, Ian!"

He snorted, trying to shake it off. "It's not your fault when you _don't _understand a concept, Wanda. Especially you. You should know that."

"It doesn't matter how unintentional my ignorance is," I countered. "I _know_ I don't know a lot of things—especially when it comes to the in-depth details of how humans go about their lives. _That_ couldn't be more obvious at this point, particularly after the party tonight. I…I just…" My voice lost its energy. It hadn't caught up with me until now, but even after that nap, I was still exhausted—Ian could see that. I didn't understand why it hurt to see his face soften at the realization. He could always tell when I was tired or sleepy, usually before I knew myself. But under the present circumstances, it didn't seem as harmless an observation as it usually was.

"Tell me what I've done wrong," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I didn't mean to hurt you…and hate that I have."

"How many times do I have to tell you, Wanda? You haven't done anything _wrong_. It's not your fault that you don't understand—"

"Then explain it to me," I insisted.

He took a deep breath. I was surprised that it sounded so unsteady. He stared at me for a long moment, considering. "I don't think I can," he said finally.

"Why? It can't be _that _difficult to explain."

He was immediately dismissive. "It's not, but…y'know what? It's not really that important." He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. "All things considered, I'm just glad that you like it."

"Of course I like it. More than like it, Ian—I love it. But what _kind _of ring is it?" I repeated his question from before, startled when his face twisted a little in response. At least I knew now what was disturbing him so much.

"It doesn't matter," he replied, though he seemed to be talking more to himself than to me. He looked up at me and smiled; to me, it seemed a little sad. "Now how about we get some rest? Long day tomorrow. I think we're working the fields in the morning, and then making bread in the afternoon. Good thing we don't have to make soap anymore. I hated that." He laughed, but it sounded rather off.

Without giving me a chance to reply, Ian used the hand he was already holding to pull me up beside him as he stretched out on the mattress. He'd closed down any further discussion on the matter which, for now, was okay by me. I couldn't think of anything to say that would remedy the situation. Not yet. But maybe by morning…

Ian groaned as he stretched, flopping down on the pillow beside me. "Ugh. I'm exhausted."

"Me too," I mumbled meekly, and then without really knowing why I added, "I love you."

A genuine, sleepy smile pulled up the corners of his mouth as he turned to face me. "I love you too, my Wanderer," he whispered, leaning over to give me a brief kiss on the lips. He pulled me right up against his chest, resting his chin on my head. His arms closed around my waist like thick bands of steel, refusing to let me move. "G'night," he mumbled into my hair.

"Good night, Ian."

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. One at a time, his arms fell away from me. He flopped onto his back, muttering incoherently in his sleep. I was too tightly wound…too aggravated and guilt-ridden to sleep. I may have been a horrible liar, but I could tell that Ian had definitely been lying before. It _did_ matter that I didn't understand. It did to me, and as much as he tried to pretend or tell himself otherwise, it certainly mattered to Ian. I also knew that he wasn't as upset as he could have been, because he must have suspected that I _wouldn't _understand everything about his present, the significance behind it. And I was positive that he really was trying to tell me something by giving me the ring, apart from 'happy birthday'. I just didn't know what, and because he refused to explain it to me, I didn't know how to find out, either. But what could I possibly say that would make everything better? At this point, I was beginning to think that bringing the matter up again would only make things much more awkward.

I couldn't tell how long I'd been lying there in the darkness, fretting, but it must have been hours. Just as my eyelids were finally starting to droop closed, bright beams of sunlight burst through the cracks in the ceiling of our room, signalling the start of a new day. Ian stirred beside me, almost awake. The call for breakfast would sound soon, and then everyone would go to work with a brief break at lunch, and then move on to the afternoon shift. Ian had been right—today was going to be a _very_ long day. _Every_ day was a long day.

And I hadn't slept at all.

* * *

**A/N: **Hiya everyone! So there's chapter 3 for you all. I know I promised that it would be up by the weekend, but like I've explained before, I tend to hate my computer at the end of a work day, and want nothing to do with it after 5pm. That, and because I insist on writing 4000 - 6000 word chapters, editing them is an epic task. So, I'm going to be updating every weekend from now on. :) I have the next 2 chapters written, and I'm about a third of the way through the sixth. I'm trying to stay ahead, because otherwise I fall behind and don't post for months, making my readers angry (example: my _Twilight_-based fanfiction, _Midnight Waltz, _which I am still working on, by the way).

And no, Ian was not trying to _propose_ to Wanda (-screams in horror- get this horrible cliche _off_ me!), he was merely trying to demonstrate how much he cared about her by giving her the ring and hoping that she'd understand the significance behind it. There would be no point in him proposing, I figure. How the hell would they have a ceromony or anything if there's no one to perform it?

For those of you who think she'd know because she spent all that time in Melanie's head, well, I argue that because Melanie was never really concerned with marrying Jared (the constant threat of _dying _always seemed to be a much bigger issue, strangely enough), Wanda never figured out what marriage was. A clue for me was in the way she refers to Ian and Jared throughout the book. She always says "partner" instead of "boyfriend" or "husband."

Anyway, Chapter 4: _Sickened_ will be up soon. I have a couple off days off next week, so it could be up before next weekend. We'll just have to wait and see. ;)

Comments, criticism, praise...it's all very much appreciated in review form.

Thanks guys,

Warui-Usagi


	4. Sickened

**Definition: Life**

**Chapter 4: Sickened**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

'_Love looks ahead, hate looks back, worry has eyes all over its head.'_

_**--Mignon McLaughlin**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

"Mornin', Wanda," Jeb called as he joined me in the breakfast line. "Sleep well?"

"Fine, thank you," I mumbled back in return, more out of habit than anything. It was a lie, of course. I hadn't slept at all, but, oddly enough, Jeb didn't seem to notice. He laughed, reaching to pat me on the shoulder. "Looks like you're still waking up, so I'll leave you alone for a few minutes." He stepped around me to grab a tray of food, talking happily to Lucina as he did so. Idly, I wondered if there was anything that could get Jeb's spirits down. I'd seen him angry plenty of times, but never upset or depressed.

I grabbed my tray as I passed, absently thanking Lucina as she loaded it up with food—eggs, bacon, a bread roll and a juice pack—and made my way over to the usual table. Nobody was there yet, which didn't surprise me. It was still quite early. Jeb joined me a moment later, sitting across from me in his usual spot. I blinked rapidly against my blurry vision, trying to focus on my plate. I was nibbling away without really tasting the food; what remained of my body's energy was concentrated solely on keeping me conscious, which was why it took me so long realise I was being spoken to. I heard someone clear their throat.

"You don't seem to be waking up very well," Jeb noted. "Usually, you're quite chipper in the morning."

"I'm trying." My voice was a barely coherent garble.

I looked up through my heavy lids to see Jeb raise an eyebrow in disbelief. "Maybe you should go and lie down," he suggested. "You can start your chores a little late. Besides, you're not going to be any use in the fields today if you're unconscious, Wanda." Leaning across the table, he nudged me with his arm. I knew he was just trying to cheer me up, but for some reason, I didn't really appreciate the effort.

"I _can't_ sleep, Jeb. Not now. That wouldn't be fair to—"

I was interrupted when the commotion of a large group of grumpy people making their way in for breakfast became too loud for Jeb to hear my tiny voice. Instinctively, my eyes dropped to the table and settled on my half-empty plate of food. As the crowd progressed through the line and began making their way to their tables, I could feel a pair of eyes on me, boring into my skull, but I didn't have to look up to know who it was.

Mel came and sat down next to me a moment later, with a resigned expression that at first, I didn't understand. She looked me over once and then smiled in that mischievous way she had. "You look like you didn't sleep at all last night, Wanda." And then, leaning over towards me and pitching her voice so low that only I would hear, she said, "Up all night 'celebrating' your transition from adorable, sweet, and innocent teenager into a grown young woman, were we?"

My brain was frazzled, unable to make any sense of what she was saying. "What are you talking about?" I hissed back at her, surprising not only myself with my bad mood.

Melanie blinked at me for a second, shocked, before she recovered enough to roll her eyes. "Take that as a _no_, then." She sighed, looking much more disappointed than I thought she should have, and instead started talking to Jeb. I didn't follow the conversation very well, but I understood why Mel had seemed so put out when she sat down—she was on wash-up duty today (she hated it with a passion)—and was trying to bargain with her uncle in an attempt get out of it. I was happy that for the moment, I seemed to be winning the fight against my heavy lids. Now I just had to work at the same time. Inwardly, I cringed, not liking my chances at all.

I watched as Mel abruptly jumped to her feet, grabbed her tray, and moved around to sit by Jeb. I narrowed my eyes as I followed her movement. "Why are you move—?"

"Good morning, everyone," Ian called form right behind me, making me jump about a foot in the air. Mel and Jeb laughed.

"Sorry." Ian grinned as he slid in next to me. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," I muttered, feeling a little awkward as I kept my eyes on my plate.

He casually swung his arm over my shoulders, drawing me to his side as he planted a sloppy kiss on my forehead. I couldn't help it—I smiled.

"That's more like it." Jeb laughed, winking at me. "A bad mood doesn't become you, Wanderer."

"_Bad_ mood?" Ian's voice shot up in surprise. In my prophetical vision, I could see his brows furrowing in suspicion as his gaze drifted down to rest on me.

Just out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Melanie had stopped eating and was also watching me as well, but not with suspicion—she was just curious. I hated being the centre of attention, and they all knew that. I kept my eyes down, too mortified to say anything.

It took them all a moment, but Jeb seemed to finally understand. "Oh, well, would ya look at that? Poor Lucina's really struggling with that bread tray." And still, nobody took their eyes off me. "I'd better go and help her—wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I didn't." He got up and left without another word.

"I-It's nothing," I whispered, keeping my eyes on the table. "I just…didn't sleep last night." I was happy that not only was it a plausible excuse, but it was also the truth.

I heard Ian sigh loudly, his chest deflating underneath my head. I didn't dare look up. Of course he probably knew _why _I didn't sleep; my stomach twisted in response.

"Ugh. Geez," Melanie suddenly groaned, her eyes darting uncomfortably around the little cafeteria. "Where the hell is Jared? Work starts in half an hour. He can't honestly still be asleep…"

"Maybe you should go and check," Ian urged. It was hardly subtle. I panicked; I knew what he was trying to do, and I still hadn't thought of anything to say.

"I'm just going to take my tray back over to Lucina," Keeping my eyes away from Ian's probing eyes, I jumped to my feet with it already in hand and made a beeline dash for the kitchen. I didn't give him a chance to object.

"Oh, me too," I heard Melanie say just as quickly behind me. She caught up to me in a matter of seconds, keeping pace with me easily. I didn't like that she was following me—she was up to something, and sure enough, as soon as she had dumped her tray on the pile and waited for me to do the same, she stole a quick glance over her shoulder before she grabbed me roughly by the arm and wrenched me over behind a large pillar that was just off to the right of the tiny kitchen, blocking us from view.

"_Ow_!" I complained, trying to pull my arm free. She wouldn't let go.

Melanie loomed over me, her eyes narrowing. "What happened last night?" she demanded in a furious whisper. "Why are you so…tired? And avoiding Ian? This isn't like you at all."

_My_ eyes were narrowing in on her now, and I could feel the strange heat of a scowl on my face. I tried to shake my arm free again—much more viciously this time—but Melanie still maintained her grip. I didn't know why I felt like this, but I certainly didn't appreciate her concern.

"Let me _go_!" I growled, all the more livid when my voice didn't sound in the least bit threatening.

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

I brought my left hand up to rest on the hand she had wrapped around my upper arm—about to plead with her—and instantly regretted the action. The ring on my third finger sparkled conspicuously in the morning light poking through the cracks in the ceiling. Melanie gasped, and as I tried to pull my hand away, she made a lighting fast grab for it. The surprise on her face had me a little worried; she had paled considerably, and her eyes looked as if they were about to fall right out of her sockets.

"Ian _proposed_?" she shrieked—_much_ too loudly—her voice cracking as it shot up through several octaves. The loud chatter came to an abrupt halt as Melanie's voice echoed throughout the room and down the main passageways. I could already feel the embarrassment burning my face, and it was almost impossible to swallow the urge to run, but a large part of me was also distracted…and feeling rather stupid. Why hadn't I thought to ask Melanie about it before? _Of course _she would know what this ring represented—why Ian was so hesitant to discuss it. My sudden eagerness gave me a burst of adrenaline; I used the hand she was holding up in front of her face in shock to get her attention.

But just as I was about to ask, Jamie was running around the corner, coming right up to the both us.

"Everything alright, Mel? Wanda?" He looked genuinely concerned—and confused—and I wondered if it was just him who hadn't understood what Melanie had said, or if it was everyone else as well.

"Everything's fine, Jamie," I said slowly, releasing my hand from Melanie's grip and hiding it a little behind my back. My voice was careful so that there was no trace of a lie in it. I gave him what I hoped to be a genuine smile.

"Okay." He didn't look completely convinced, and everyone was still quiet as they listened to our conversation. Jamie turned and walked back to seat, though without any further objections. Mel and I both stared at each other, anxiously waiting for the chatter to start up again; questions were burning away at the both of us. Gradually, after about a minute, when people were sure there wasn't any more gossip, they went back to their interrupted discussion. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Tell me," I begged, pitching my voice just over all the commotion. "_What _did Ian propose?"

Comprehension flickered across Mel's expression, softening it considerably. "That's why you've been upset. You don't know what this means"—she reached for the hand that I'd plastered to my side in an effort to hide it from Jamie, absently playing with the beautiful ring on my finger—"but Ian actually thought that you _would _understand?" She scoffed, still a little bewildered. "What an idiot. Was he upset with you for not understanding? If he was, I'll kill him. You shouldn't be upset because you think you've hurt his feelings, Wanda, and don't deny it! He shouldn't have—"

"No, no, no, no." I cut her off, struggling to keep my voice even. She knew me too well. Even better than I knew myself, I suspected. "You've got it all wrong, Mel. He did say that he wasn't surprised that I didn't know, but…he wouldn't tell me, either. He just kept saying that it 'didn't matter.'"

"That's stupid," she continued in her antagonising voice, which always made me cringe. "I swear I'll never understand men. But this _is_ important, Wanda. Even more so than I think you're expecting."

I didn't tell her that I wasn't expecting anything—that I couldn't think of _any _explanation at all, because I'd never heard of anything like this in all my lives. Even when they'd briefed me on humans, they only told me the basics: they were brutish, violent creatures who had no problem killing their own kind for no apparent reason. And just like any other species of body we were to be inserted into, we were all taught about anatomy, and how to recognise when we were having problems…The problems that came with having such overpowering emotions. Nothing about gifts and how they were to be received; nothing about the protocol for being in a relationship; nothing about human culture in general. I knew why that was—because, obviously, human psyches were to be erased and replaced with the purity of a Soul's conscious. Even the Seekers themselves probably only knew as much as any new soul to this planet. But still…I hated that my ignorance was hurting the people I loved—especially Ian, and wished that there was something more I could do about it.

Melanie looked around nervously, eyeing people that got too close. It was really too dark to be certain, but she looked like she was blushing underneath the tan of her skin, uneasy. "Ummm, well…have you ever heard of marriage, Wanda?" I could barely hear what she was saying now. I was almost lip-reading.

"_Marriage_?" I repeated the word; it felt strange on my tongue—like another language, almost. "No. What is it?"

"Argh, crap!" Melanie muttered under her breath, embarrassed—yes, she was most certainly blushing. "Why do I always have to explain these things? Uh, well, in human tradition, when a…man decides that he really, _really _cares for another…woman…"—she swallowed hard, seeming to struggle to get the words out—"he proposes marriage. And usually…there's a whole ceremony involved to make it all official. Families attend and everything. So, when all is said and done, both the woman and man are not…_partners_ anymore, they're husband and wife."

"Husband and wife?" I vaguely remembered the term 'wife' from when Walter was still alive. Jamie had explained that Gladys was his wife, but I still couldn't make the connection. All that had meant to me at the time was that Gladys had been to Walter what Melanie was to Jared—a partner. "I don't understand. How is that any _different_ to a partnership?"

"It's not really. It's just more or less a way of letting everyone else you know and meet how much someone means to you—that _both _people loved each other enough to agree to marriage." She sounded almost angry, and it was obvious that Melanie was undeniably frustrated with her explanation, but it was only then that I realized that something else was bothering her. I was distracted; I could hear it in her voice—there was a bit of steel there underneath all the chagrin. I watched at the girl I considered to be my best friend carefully as she continued to stare at my hand; she looked like she was about to bite her lip off.

It didn't take her long to notice that I was staring. She looked up at me a little ruefully. "Yes, Wanda," she breathed, dropping my hand and crossing her arms. "I'm jealous. I know how pointless and impractical and _ridiculous_ it is to get married when you're stuck in a cave with no way to make it any more official than what I have now. It's just…" She sighed, already losing steam. "It's just…I'd like a ring anyway, y'know?"

The fire burning in her eyes made it impossible to doubt her, and judging just on her reaction alone, I couldn't imagine how Ian must have felt…_does feel_, I corrected myself. It was…difficult for me to see how my relationship with Ian could be any more…significant than it already was. It defined my whole life on this planet—the one thing that tied me to these people, these caves. Sapphire, midnight, the ocean, rain and snow—everything that was Ian, my anchor. It was hard to believe that anything could triumph that. Or was it just that this concept of 'marriage' simply _reinforced_ it? It made sense. What Melanie had described didn't seem any different to how things were now, but if that were the case—if that's all it was, then Ian wouldn't have been so upset. I was still so confused. My head spun sickeningly, blurring my vision and making it extremely hard to see anything clearly. Mel's face tilted at the oddest angle…

"Woah!" Melanie lurched forward toward me, holding me up awkwardly by both arms. "You okay? Wanda?"

"I'm fine." I let her help me to sit down, and that helped. Everything stopped spinning, but my eyes still drooped. Absently, I cursed myself for being so weak. Clearly this body wasn't used to any kind of strain, whether it was physically or mentally induced. Sifting through Pet's empty memories, it wasn't difficult for me to see why this was the case. The naively sweet girl had nothing much to do other than to keep a strict schedule that was heavily enforced by her mother—a kind and watchful soul known as Cloud Spinner. A schedule that never included any kind of real activity. Reading, writing, the occasional lunch date, some shopping and most of all, a punctual bedtime.

I was getting better at ignoring the ache in my chest that came about whenever I delved through Pet's memories. This body yearned for nothing more than a hug from Cloud Spinner in those few, fleeting moments. In the beginning, the ache had been much harder to quelch. I distinctly remembered the first few nights I'd spent in my new host, often in Ian's arms, crying myself to sleep over the mother who'd I'd never met, but craved for her soft reassurances and affections. I couldn't remember a time in all my ten lives when I'd been so confused and torn.

"Work starts in five, people!" Jeb's voice boomed loudly in the small space and down the little tunnel ways, ensuring that everyone would hear. "I'd get moving to your stations if you know what's good for you."

"I'd better go," I whispered to Mel, who was squatting beside me on her knees, watching me carefully.

"I don't think that's a good idea. You're clearly exhausted and unable to work."

"I'll be okay."

"No. I have a feeling you won't be."

"Really, everything's fine. I don't want to cause a fuss."

"I know _you _don't, but I'm sure Ian will when he sees you like this."

"Melanie…"

"Wanda…"

"What's going on, here?" Melanie and I both gasped when Jeb stuck his head around the corner of the large pillar, staring us both down suspiciously. His gaze lingered on me for only a second before it shifted to back to Mel, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I hope you're not trying to pawn your work off on poor Wanda, Melanie."

Her mouth opened and closed, tongue-tied. She seemed to be having a hard time deciding how to react. "No. Of course not." she finally said.

"Then get your butt off to work, missy. Work's probably already started by now."

"But—"

"But nothing," he interrupted her in a firm voice, a smirk playing on his lips now. "Get going. Wanda's in good hands."

"Okay, fine." She shot me a frustrated glare as she grudgingly rose to her feet.

Jeb and I watched as she disappeared into the tunnels. She was constantly looking over her shoulder at me as she went, though Jeb waited until she was completely out of site to speak. "Everything okay? I saw what happened back there."

"I'm fine." It was really starting to feel like that's all I would be saying today. "Just a little tired." I was being very careful with my wording, so that there was no obvious lie in my voice. Only the 'little' part wasn't entirely true. I was way past exhausted.

Jeb could probably see that. "Hmmm…" He fixed his eyes on the last few remaining people filing out of the mess hall and down the tunnels, some of them extinguishing smaller lanterns as they went. "You can be our water fetcher today, I think."

"Okay," I muttered, dragging myself to my feet, relying heavily on the pillar I was leaning against for support. I saw Jeb raise an eyebrow at me in disbelief, and I knew he was waiting for me to object, but I didn't have the energy. Jeb could see that too.

I peeked around the corner and was surprised to see Ian in the same position he was a breakfast, leaning against the table with his arms crossed. He looked at ease, but even I could see from here how tight the muscles were in his jaw. His eyes zeroed in on me, his expression unreadable.

I slowly began to make my way over to him with a small smile plastered on my face, but my feet dragged, feeling much too heavy for my body to lift. Ian slid out from the bench and met me halfway. I reached for his huge hand with both of mine, wrapping my fingers loosely around his wrist. He didn't move.

"Hey," I breathed as I looked up at his beautiful face. Closer up, I could see something brewing there, right beneath the surface. It had me a little concerned.

His response was flat and immediate, without any inflection whatsoever. "You have a nice chat with Melanie?"

"Yes." I frowned, confused, as I blinked a few times to try and alleviate my heavy lids. "What's wrong?"

He closed his eyes, reaching up with his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Wanda—" Ian started to say, but a voice from the mouth of the tunnel interrupted him.

"You two coming or not?" Jeb called. "That northern field isn't going to irrigate itself, y'know. Wanda, we'll need water soon!"

"Sorry!" I flushed with guilt when I realised I'd forgotten that everyone else had started working long ago by now, and I hadn't done anything helpful at all today, except make people worry about me. _Stupid_.

Just as I started to run off, I was jerked back almost off my feet. I turned to see Ian's long fingers overlapping on my tiny arm, restraining. The hair in my eyes made it difficult to see him. I tried to blow back the golden curls without much success. "What is it?"

He examined my face for a long minute, the indecisiveness in eyes burning bright and clear, blue flames. He hesitated, his mouth opening as though he was about to say something…and then it closed again and he looked away, sighing heavily.

"Nothing," he finally said, still not looking at me as he gradually released my arm. "I'll talk to you at lunch, okay?"

This time _I _hesitated. "Okay." And then after a moment I added, "If that's what you want."

"Yes."

"Alright, then."

"Can you do me a favour?" he asked quickly after that.

I blinked rapidly; my eyes were having trouble staying focused. "Of course."

"Can you meet me in our room? It's just that…I think we really need to talk, and I'd rather not have an audience, if you get my meaning." He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

"Sure," I promised.

"Good." He brushed his calloused fingers across my cheek before bending down to press his lips against my forehead. He left quickly after that, jogging lightly across the narrow room to catch up with Jeb. He didn't look back.

I stood there, dazed and disorientated as I watched them both disappear into the darkness, listening to their footfalls echo softly off the cave walls. I just couldn't _think_. And Ian was acting strange—upset with me, obviously…And I still didn't know what Melanie had been trying to explain to me; I didn't understand at all…Marriage, what was that?...My present from Jeb and Doc was still in the storage room…I needed to get water for Ian and Jeb—they were working the fields…Thirsty…I didn't want—

"Wanda?"

I turned automatically at the sound of my name; my body felt disconnected from my head. I couldn't feel anything below my shoulders.

I saw the puzzled, cautious expression—the lines around his eyes creasing as his brow furrowed in worry. Absently, I wondered how I must have looked to him.

"Jared…" I breathed, my voice barely a whisper.

And then everything went black.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys! I know that this chapter was supposed to be posted like two weeks ago, but university has taken me completely by surprise this semester. I was a little out of my depth there for a while, and just had to get a grip on things early before it all went bad, but it's all okay now! If any of you know what the program _Maya _is (used for 3D animation), then you might understand my dilemma. I've never used it before, and it's more temperamental than Windows Vista. ; That, and I realised that this was the one chapter I wasn't happy with. I'm still not happy with it, but I'm tired of trying to fix it. :S

Anyway, I'm back now. Very briefly. And I can't really see how my absence for the next week or so would be too upsetting for you guys, what with the release of Breaking Dawn so close. :D It's times like this I _desperately _wish I lived in the US. :P Anyone living outside of that glorious country (i.e. me) doesn't get the book until Monday. –Curses impatiently- I'm especially envious of those who get to go to the _Breaking Dawn Concert Series _in the major American cities. Seriously, the only thing that stopped me from going myself was lack of funds. _Stupid _airfares.

Gah. And so, to keep me busy over the weekend (and away from my computer and spoilers (I'm _so close_ to Googl-ing them, I swear), I'm attending/helping organise several _Breaking Dawn _release parties in which I parade around the streets of Brisbane City with spiky black hair, painted white skin, gold contact lenses and a "Team Edward: Bite Bella!" shirt. :P

So, chapter 5 will be up when I come down from my _Breaking Dawn_ high, which will probably last a week, if _Eclipse _was any indication. :P I didn't think you guys would mind, because I suspected that you'd all be feeling just like me. XD

Comments, criticism and praise are all welcomed in review format, and I hope everyone has a wonderful time reading Stephenie's last instalment in the wonderfulness that is _The Twilight Saga_! To be sure, my comments on the book will be at the end of the next chapter of this story. ;D

Thanks guys.

Warui-Usagi/Annie


	5. Separated

**Definition: Life  
Chapter 5: Separated**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

_  
'And ever has it been known that love does not know its own depth until the hour of separation.'_

_**--Kahlil Gibran**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

I could feel myself slowly starting to wake up. The sensation was odd. The air had a familiar musty taste to it, but there was too much noise—a weird, indistinguishable rumbling—and I was _not _comfortable. Whatever I was lying on was thin and hard, and had me curled up in a strange position. I groaned when my back creaked in protest as I tried to stretch, and the thing that my head (which was incredibly sore) was resting on seemed to relax in response. Something tight was wrapped around my waist, securing me in place and allowing for minimal movement. I felt someone's hands brush the hair away from my face before their fingers were suddenly prying my eyelids open and shining a bright, burning light in my eyes. I whimpered, too weak to fight it off. It was gone after a few seconds, and it was only then that I began making out the loud noises that had probably woken me in the first place.

Voices. Angry voices.

My eyes slammed shut again, taking a moment to recover from the forcefully-induced blindness.

"Let me get this perfectly clear," I heard a very familiar, very _upset _voice demanding. "She just collapsed in front of you, just like that?"

"Yes," another voice, also incredibly recognisable, said in response, keeping the volume of their speech at a minimum in comparison. "Just like that."

"And you let her _fall_?"

"I didn't _let_ her do anything! She was on the other side of the freakin' room! There was no way I could have gotten to her before she hit the ground."

"That room is tiny, Howe."

"I bought her here to Doc, didn't I? Y'know, this isn't my fault, so stop blaming me. You should have been watching her more carefully. I'm sure that if you'd been paying attention like you're _supposed to_, you could have made Wanda lie down and none of this would have happened—"

"_Why you_—!"

I heard two distinct grunts as they both rammed into something solid, the furious shuffling of their feet echoing loudly in the small, dank room. My eyes fluttered open as soon as I came to grips with the muscles, gradually coming to focus on the ceiling above where I was lying. Through the cracks in the ceiling, I could see it was late in the afternoon. Another muffled crash sounded against the wall as someone was shoved against it. What was going on?

"Ian, Jared—stop it. Right now!"

"Oh!" My body bolted upright in shock, and sure enough I saw Ian pinning Jared to the cave wall with both of his fists twisted up in Jared's shirt. His expression was murderously angry. "What are you _doing_?" I gasped, my voice sounding even more chirpy—if that was possible—as it shot up a few octaves.

They both turned automatically at the sound of my voice, only Ian was more noticeably relieved. He stepped away from Jared without looking at him and jogged over to the side of my cot. "You okay?" he whispered, automatically reaching for my hand.

But just as I was about to answer him, the room suddenly began to spin and my head pounded—a sharp, piercing pain—in time with my pulse. I groaned, my eyes slamming shut as I fell limply back against the mattress.

"Wanda?" Ian sounded much more worried now; I could feel the rough and calloused skin of his palm rubbing anxiously against my cheek. I wanted to tell him I would be okay, but I was scared that the dizziness hadn't passed yet. My stomach felt like it might heave at any moment.

"She's just exhausted, Ian," I heard Jared tell him in a placating voice. He sounded like he was on the other side of the room. "She'll be fine once she gets some sleep."

I heard Ian growl underneath his breath, and could imagine what his face must look like: jaw strained, teeth clenched, sapphire eyes flaming. I didn't understand…Why was he angry with Jared?

"Hey, Doc!" I listened as Ian struggled to keep the anger out of his voice—and failed miserably—giving his hand a gentle squeeze in the hopes that he would calm down. He squeezed back in response, but didn't sound any calmer when he continued, "Why haven't you fixed the gash on Wanda's forehead yet?"

"Because I'm out of Heal, among other things," he replied in the same soothing tone Jared had used a moment ago. "Brandt used up the rest of it when he fell in the wash room yesterday."

"Dammit."

"I'm alright," I rasped, my voice hoarse because my throat was so dry. I heard both Ian and Jared sigh, clearly not convinced. Doc chuckled.

"Can you sit up again for me, Wanda?" Doc asked me. "I want you to drink some water for me, okay? Slowly, this time."

I hesitated, testing my sight by squinting through my eyelids…what little I could see seemed to stay in one place. I opened my eyes gradually, waiting for the dizziness to hit. It didn't. I breathed a long sigh in relief. "Okay," I mumbled, looking up and smiling weakly at all three men, who were now crowed around my cot. "Ian, help me up, please."

He reached for me eagerly, gently and slowly lifting me by my forearms into an upright position. Doc leaned across with a cup of water, which I accepted with shaky hands. I really was exhausted.

"Careful. You hit your head pretty hard there when you fell, Wanda," Doc said as he helped me take a sip.

My eyes widened as I handed the cup back to Ian. "_I did_?" My hand reached up automatically to brush the still-sore spot on my forehead, and my fingers automatically flinched away when they came into contact with the broken skin. "Ow!"

"Don't touch it, silly," Ian scolded softly, taking my hand in his again.

I sighed, turning my attention to Doc. "So we're all out of Heal? What else?"

"Smooth and No Pain, too. I still have all the Cool left—I haven't touched that since Jamie's incident a couple of months ago."

"Hmmm, they _are_ pretty important. I was lucky I wasn't hurt that badly. If something bad happens to somebody else…" I turned back to Ian, who was looking me expectantly, but it wasn't him I was after. "Jared? You still there?"

Ian's eyes narrowed into slits. "Yes, Wanda," came Jared's reply. I waited, hoping that he'd been listening to my brief conversation with Doc. He didn't say anything.

"So how about organising a raid?" I prompted. "If we leave now we should still be able to make it back by—"

"Absolutely not," Ian interrupted firmly.

"_Why_?"

He groaned, dropping my hand and rolling his eyes. "I _really _do wish that you would think about yourself once and awhile. You've only _just_ woken up after passing out from _exhaustion _and splitting your _head_ open. _You_ are not going anywhere."

"But Ian," I started, cautious of the fact that he was still quite angry. "The fact that I'm injured is the perfect pretence for getting more medicine. Besides, what if something happened to Jamie? Or Melanie or Jeb? This is something we can't put off any longer."

It was silent for a moment as he took that in, his expression hardening as he stared down at me, contemplating. I took one of his huge hands in both of my tiny ones, lightly massaging the skin on the back of his palm in an effort to calm him. I leaned over slightly and pressed my lips gently against his fingers. "It'll be okay," I promised, smiling at him a little. There was no trace of a lie in my voice—I honestly believed that everything would turn out fine. "Easy. Just like it always is."

"She's right you know," Jared added after a moment.

"That's not the point," Ian disagreed in a flat voice.

"Then what is?"

He hesitated, suddenly completely aware of his audience, as he watched me. "What if you're not as 'okay' as you think you are? What if you get sick again while you're in there? They'll take you away to help you, but then we'll have no way of knowing where you are. How would we find you?" He turned to Jared, shaking his head. "It's not a risk _I'm_ willing to take."

Jared unconsciously moved closer to the cot I was in, drawn in by the planning. "Hmmm…"—he looked right at me—"…Ian actually has a point there. That is too risky." Ian shot me a satisfied look. "But…" Jared continued on after a moment, and Ian's peaceful expression disappeared. "Wanda probably doesn't have to go _in _this time to get the medicine."

I frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that after seeing the loading dock last time outside the hospital—remember where the tanks were?—I think that must be where _everything _comes in, and I'm thinking that at least one of those crates has to have what we want in it."

He was right, of course. I hadn't thought of that, but there was one major problem I could see with that idea. "But I'm not supposed to be leaving the van in this scenario, right? And there will be too many workers around for you to be comfortable dealing with, not to mention that you might look suspicious wandering around. And there are hundreds of crates in the loading dock. It could take a long time to find the one we're looking for."

"What if we drive around until we find it, and then I can just jump out and grab it?" Ian suggested. "Jared and Melanie can make sure the coast is clear before I go. Should be easy enough. The van is pretty inconspicuous. I'm sure a couple of Souls won't notice, at any rate. Besides, Wanda, you can't lift a crate. Even if you'd found it for us, one of us would still have to get out of the van to help you."

I hesitated, giving Ian an anxious look. I didn't like the idea of him doing that. Not that the Souls were dangerous—they were all terrified of humans—but if one of them became suspicious enough and raised the alarm…I shuddered at the idea. He had no idea how to interact with them, or what to expect from the workers. Ian raised an eyebrow at me, challenging me to object, and I knew why.

"You don't understand," I said to him, breaking Doc and Jared's thoughtful silence. "It's not dangerous for me. I _am _a Soul—I know what to expect. You don't, and if you give them any reason to suspect you, you could be in serious trouble. I know what I'm doing."

"Wanda's got you there," Doc agreed almost straight away.

Ian scoffed, and Jared looked as though he was still trying to think. "So you're allowed to put yourself in danger, because '_you know what you're doing_', but I'm not allowed to jump out of a van for a few minutes to grab a crate? Right, Wanda. That makes perfect sense," Ian said in a heavily sarcastic voice.

"It's not like that," I protested softly, hating how upset he was all of a sudden. "I just don't want you to expose yourself to such an unnecessary risk."

His eyes blazed. "And what do you think it is I've been saying this whole time about you going out with a huge gash on your forehead? Jesus, Wanda, you could have a concussion for all we know! Stop being so stubborn, and _please_ just listen to me this once."

But Doc was shaking his head. "As remarkable as it is, she doesn't have a concussion. It was one of the first things I looked for when Jared brought her in here."

Ian's jaw clamped shut with an audible snap. "This is stupid, Doc! Even you have to admit that Wanda shouldn't move around with an injury like that."

"I'll admit that it looks bad, but even if you weren't planning a raid this afternoon, I would have simply waited for her to wake up, bandaged it and let her go when she was ready." Doc sighed, suddenly frustrated. "That's the best I can do for now."

"It's fine," I said quickly before Doc could start to feel guilty. I reached over and started undoing the Velcro that had me strapped tightly to the bed. Doc helped. Ian didn't; he stood hovering by the side of the cot with his arms crossed tightly across his chest, his whole body radiating disapproval. I hopped down onto the cool cave floor, hoping that my dizzy spell had well and truly passed—I knew Ian would definitely refuse to let me leave if it hadn't. I breathed a sigh of relief when my vision stayed steady.

"Wait, Wanda," Doc said, pacing over to one of his cabinets and grabbing a funny looking rectangular piece of white cloth, and pouring a sickly coloured fluid onto it. I cringed at the cold sensation—and the mild stinging that followed—but did my best to stay still as he stuck it in place over the large cut on my forehead.

"Thanks, Doc."

"No problem, sweetie," he assured me with a smile. "Be careful out there."

I giggled under my breath, confident, as I walked over and leaned into Ian's side. He wrapped his left arm tightly around my shoulders. "Will do," I promised him.

"Ready to go?" I asked, looking up at Ian with a grin.

He frowned back at me, his brilliant sapphire eyes unreadable even in the bright, artificial light from the propane lanterns. "I'm not letting you out of my sight," he vowed, and the arm he had resting around my shoulders became a restraint. "You aren't leaving the van. Remember that."

I sighed, a little annoyed, but agreed with him nonetheless. The last thing I wanted to do was give him an excuse to somehow prevent me from going with him, though I didn't like the idea of him working by himself in such a restricted area. The crates had been _huge_ from what I remembered the last time I'd been to the hospital. The memory was fuzzy, from another life. Another body. But getting the Seeker onto the ship had been easy. And though they normally left the medical supplies _mostly _unguarded, there were always still quite a few workers around the loading docks, particularly when it was dark—that was when most of the deliveries seemed to come in.

I didn't know why I felt so edgy, didn't know why I felt like I was about to panic. It was ridiculous. This had always been _so_ easy in the past. Maybe I was just anxious because Ian would be doing this raid, not me. If someone flashed a light at his eyes…there was no way for him to escape. If it was me, I could lie my way through a conversation without anyone being suspicious, because Souls didn't lie. They never looked for a reason _not _to believe me.

"We still have to hammer out some of the details," Jared said suddenly, startling me. It'd been so long since he's spoken that I'd forgotten he was even there. "But we can do that on the road. You two can meet me by the entrance while I go get Mel and some volunteers, alright?" He was all business now, his mind focused solely on what we needed.

"Yes," I chirped, and at the sound of my voice, I saw the flash of uncertainty—that I saw before we started out on every raid—in Jared's eyes. I fought back the urge to groan aloud. This body may have been perfect for raids and the like because it made the unsuspecting Souls even more willing to help me with my enquiries, but it didn't help that I was so fragile that it made my companions uncomfortable to put me in that situation in the first place.

Jared disappeared out into the hall, running down towards the wash room where Melanie was working. I smiled a little—Mel would be all too happy to go on a raid instead of washing the plates and clothes.

Ian and I made our way out towards the main exit, walking confidently through the darkness. I could almost count and name the doorways as we passed them. His arm around me never loosened, though his fingers reached to brush lightly against my cheek.

"You still okay?" he asked me just as we passed out into the main plaza. I couldn't answer him straight away; my eyes were squinting against the suddenly harsh light.

"I'm fine," I said finally, stumbling along at his side.

He laughed, and before he could give me a chance to ask why, he'd already bent down and yanked me off my feet and up against his chest.

"_Ian_," I squeaked, surprised. As my eyes adjusted, I saw the grin stretched from ear to ear across his face. "You don't have to carry me. I can walk—"

"No, you can't." He laughed again as he pulled me closer and buried in his face in my hair, his lips pressing against the crook of my neck. I giggled despite myself; his breath tickled.

"Why?"

His lips had moved to my jaw-line, brushing almost imperceptibly against my skin. The swelling molten rock moved sluggishly in the pit of my stomach, warming my entire body. My hands automatically clutched at the dark blue fabric of his shirt as I felt the nubs of his teeth graze the tip of my ear. I shivered.

"Because I said so," he whispered in my ear, chuckling.

"That's hardly fair," I complained, but my voice was breathless, distracted. I didn't know why I suddenly felt like I did, and I also knew that I probably shouldn't. Even if I was happy that the awkwardness between us over the whole 'marriage' thing for the past few days had all but dissipated for now. We were, after all, standing in the middle of what was considered to be one of the main traffic areas in the caves, and while nobody was passing through right now, someone was bound to walk by very soon. And we were supposed to be waiting for Jared at the exit. I tried to make my mouth work, to tell Ian these things, but I couldn't seem to make the right muscles move. Everything was so hazy…so hot…

Ian's lips pressed against the hollow of my throat. I bit my lip.

"Wanda!"

I both felt and heard Ian sigh as he drew away slightly, his hot breath ruffling my hair. Again, my hands locked around his neck of their own accord, trying to keep him from putting anymore distance between us. I hadn't been this close to him in so long, and the feeling made me think of No Pain again—like I'd been in agony without even realizing it until now. I was hardly going to give up my antidote. Ian didn't seem to mind in the slightest; his arms supported my weight easily—one arm was wrapped securely around my legs while the other was coiled loosely around my waist. I rested my head gently against his shoulder, perfectly content.

"Wanda!" I recognised the frantic voice this time, and I could tell it was coming straight at us now, from the opposite direction. Melanie.

"Are you sure you don't want me to put you down?" Ian offered, watching me with a small, smug smile on his face.

"It should be alright," I said just as she came running at full speed out of the northern tunnel. She looked up at me in Ian's arms, more anxious than I'd seen her for a long time. I felt my face fall. What happened? "What's wrong?"

Her eyes darted around my face until she spotted the white dressing glued to my forehead. Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "What's _wrong_?" she repeated, incredulous. "You get hurt _really_ badly and no one has the decency to come and find me to tell me what's happened? You've been unconscious for _hours _and I only find out now? Thanks, guys. Really. Because it's not like I care about you or anything, Wanda. Not like I wouldn't want to know if something bad happened to you." She eyed me furiously, and her voice was bitingly sarcastic.

"I'm so sorry, Mel," I said, feeling quite guilty now for discounting her from the situation. In all honesty I hadn't thought of telling her. I didn't want her to be anxious of nothing. "But there's no need for you to be upset. I'm perfectly fine." I frowned; how many times had I said the words 'I'm fine' in the last few days?

Melanie shot me a disbelieving look. "Then why the huge white patch on your head, huh? That doesn't look fine to me."

"It nothing bad, promise. I can barely feel it." And honestly, until she had brought it up, I'd almost completely forgotten about it.

"Really?" She still looked unconvinced. Her eyes moved between Ian and I for a moment. "Why is Ian carrying you then?"

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks with startling speed, the crippling shyness and embarrassment had me tearing my eyes away from Melanie and staring at the floor. Ian held me just a little closer to his chest. "Because I _want_ to," he said belligerently, glaring right back at her. "If it's any of your business."

Melanie and Ian's relationship hadn't improved much, though it seemed they'd switched places this time. Usually, Melanie was the one who was hostile.

Melanie blinked at the both of us blankly for a few seconds, and then raised both her hands and stepped away. "I don't want to know," she muttered under her breath as she stepped around us to continue down the other tunnel to wait near the exit for Jared and the other volunteers. "You guys coming or what?" she called out over her shoulders as she disappeared into the darkness again.

"We'd better go," Ian whispered. I nodded.

We didn't have to wait long for Jared, Heath and Brandt to meet us at the fork that led us out into the dessert. Jared had with him only a few simple tools—we only needed medicine on this raid—and so, with one big, simultaneous breath, we all stepped out into the dry air, moving quickly over the sand towards where the van was concealed underneath a small, cramped rocky outcrop. Jared managed to squeeze himself through to get into the driver's seat, and then we all waited for him to reverse before the five of us piled in. Ian never put me down the whole time. Even when we sat down in the van, he simply rearranged me into a more comfortable position in his lap. Brandt and Heath sat with us in the back while Melanie road up front with Jared.

During the somewhat long drive, nobody seemed to be in much of a talkative mood, save for Jared's brief rundown of the plan. It was very simple. Jared would drive around until we found what we were looking for, then he'd wait until he was sure nobody was around before giving Ian and Brandt the okay to jump out and grab the crate. Easy. Just like it always was. We'd taken medical supplies from a hospital a few times already without anything happening. This time would be no different.

Looking into the front—passed Melanie and Jared—and out the windshield I could see the sun was disappearing behind the mountains in the west, setting the sky on fire with an orangey-pink glow. The few clouds lay scattered across the horizon—strange, purple splotches that disrupted the otherwise immaculate scene. I always marvelled at the colours of this place, how everything always seemed so vibrant. Jared reached to roll down his window, letting a rather strong breeze sweep through the entire van. The air was dry but still rather warm on my skin—hot, almost. It was spring, now, but we were still too close to the desert. My hair whipped across my face, and I struggled to keep it back. Ian gathered it quickly in his huge fist, keeping it out of my eyes. I turned and gave him a quick peck on the cheek as thanks, and sighed happily when he started gently massaging the back of my neck.

"I don't want this to be a long trip—there's no point," Jared was calling out over the back of his seat. Heath and Brandt, who'd been facing the other way, turned to look at him.

"Okay," Ian bellowed from behind me, trying to keep his voice louder than the wind ripping around us. "What did you have in mind?"

I could see Mel watching Jared with a cautious expression. "Tucson," he said so quietly that I barely heard him. "Saint Mary's."

I felt Ian stiffen. "That's much too close," he objected.

"We've raided other hospitals in the area before and everything went without a hitch."

"I think it's still a little too risky. And that was months ago. What if everything's changed? What if they have more security?"

Melanie didn't argue—she seemed utterly confident in Jared's judgement. She probably remembered the few times we'd gone into Tucson to gather supplies, from when I'd still been sharing her mind.

I didn't find anything wrong with the plan, either. Jared was right—there was no point in making such a long trip for a couple of crates of medicine. We hadn't been to Saint Mary's before, and though I could recall why, I was in a different body now. Nobody would recognise me. There was no danger there. _Not they would get to see me anyway_, I reminded myself a second later. _I'm not leaving the van._

"It'll be fine," I said in such a low voice that only would hear me, twisting around in his arms so that I was facing him. "Easy, remember?"

He adjusted his hands, scrunching my hair up in his left fist so he could touch my face with his right hand. His fingers drifted gently over the white gauze dressing on my forehead, his lips pressing into a hard line. "We're fixing that up as soon as I get the stuff, okay?"

"Okay," I said, smiling easily.

"Good."

Nobody spoke much after that. I was faintly aware of Jared and Melanie having a quiet chat up front. We were further away from the desert now, probably very close to the city; the wind felt good on my face. I was curled up comfortably in Ian's lap, drifting in and out of consciousness. It wasn't until I felt the van starting to slow down, just as Jared turned off the highway and into the car-park that I finally forced myself out of my relaxed stupor. The van crept slowly around the front entrance to the healing centre, and Melanie and Jared leaned forward in their seats, thoroughly taking their surroundings. I crawled out of Ian's lap and up behind Melanie's seat, gazing out the front windscreen with her. It was dark now, the sun having well and truly set. The moon was a brilliant, ivory white disk in the black sky, casting everything in an eerie, silver glow.

"There are more people out there than I expected," Jared said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Can you read the crates, Mel?"

"Yes," she said softly. "That one over there says 'Still', I think. Do you know what that is, Wanda?"

"I shook my head. "No, sorry."

"Tanks, Seal, Gloves, Scrubs, Cure, Swabs, Inside Clean…I don't see any Heal or No Pain anywhere."

"Hmmm." I squinted through the darkness, trying to see. I gave up after a few minutes, frustrated. I couldn't make out any of the labels from back here.

"Oh, there it is!" Melanie exclaimed suddenly, bouncing in her seat. "There's the Heal!" She pointed to a pile of dark wooden crates with a small, singular white label on each. They were sitting in right in the middle of everything, with workers passing through frequently. I heard Jared's jaw clamp shut.

"I don't like it. It's too busy right there."

"Maybe we should see if there's more somewhere further back?" I suggested. Jared nodded.

We drove around for almost an hour, painstakingly going through each label on every crate. We couldn't find anymore. Jared sighed angrily, leaning his head against the steering wheel.

"Why don't I go inside? I can just tell them that I've patched up my wound so I could drive here," I told him, but just as he was about to say something, Ian interrupted him.

"No," he protested. "Not leaving the van, remember?"

"But—"

"No buts," he insisted. I frowned as I looked back at him, though I could barely make out his face. I didn't know if he was looking at me when he spoke. "Why don't we just hang out until some of the workers go on their break?" Ian proposed. "Or better yet, try another hospital?"

I was shaking my head as Jared answered. "The only other hospital in Tucson _is_ much smaller, but we've been getting Doc's other supplies from there too much these past few months. They've probably already noticed how much of their stock is missing. We can't go back. The next hospital isn't for awhile. Another couple of hours drive, at least."

"Then we wait."

It was silent for a minute as Jared considered. "Guess there's no other choice," he agreed unwillingly.

It was a long wait.

I didn't know how much time passed, but we all watched, waiting anxiously for the workers to dissipate. None of them looked at the van, and as the hours ticked away, the docks grew quiet. We waited for a few minutes to make sure nobody else was around before Jared turned the key in the ignition, his whole body rigid with stress. The engine purred to life quietly, and he inched the van forward and around a sharp corner, parking it only a few meters from the crates full of Heal.

"Hey!" Melanie hissed, startling everyone. "The No Pain is just over there"—she reached out her window, pointing to a pile of creates several rows back—"near those mini forklifts."

"I'll get it," Ian volunteered, shuffling over towards the door.

"I'll go for the Heal, then," Heath said, keeping his voice low.

Ian put his hands on the handles. "Is the coast clear, Jared?"

"Yep. Go."

Ian threw the door open without a second's hesitation and jumped out into the moonlight. He had a very serious expression on his face. Calculative. He looked up at me, crouching in the corner behind Melanie's seat, and smiled, his teeth glinting in the moonlight. "Stay," he said ordered, before running off to the other side of the docks. He left the door open; Brandt was already making his way over with the first lot of Heal. He dropped it heavily into the back, groaning as he pushed further in. I tried to help him steer it down towards the very front. I didn't help much.

It was this night—this one night that seemed like any other raid—that I recall and play through in my head constantly, trying to find the mistakes. Where it all went wrong. Were we all just far too confident? Had we been too arrogant in our assumption that these raids were easy? Should I have asserted more that I be the one to handle getting what we need? I thought maybe that had something to do with it, but not all. I should have expected that we'd eventually get caught for upsetting the balance—for taking everything and giving nothing back in return. In hindsight, I knew that I had taken the best course of action, done exactly the right thing. I had no regrets there, but still I…

_Ian. Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian… _

My fragile little heart froze when we heard the voice. That completely unfamiliar, but foreboding all the same, voice. Ian was just within view, now—making his way over with a few cases of No Pain stacked in his broad arms.

"Excuse me, sir," the man said, coming up behind him. Simultaneously, the four of us in the van stopped breathing. It was silent for a long, agonising moment.

"Yes?" Ian finally asked, not quite managing to keep his voice even. He kept moving towards the van, though.

"Do you need help moving that create? You look like you're having a lot of trouble."

I tried to remember how to exhale—of course the Soul was only politely interested. Of course.

"I'm alright. Please, don't trouble yourself," Ian said quickly. Too quickly. I swallowed hard.

"Are you sure?" the man asked, not sounding convinced. "It's not a problem for me to help you out."

"No, it's alright." Ian let the cases he was carrying clatter against the metal floor of the van, with one foot across the threshold as he turned to face the man who had followed him around to the back of the van. "Thank you for your concern."

I reached for Ian's arm blindly, hoping that I could pull him in myself. We were so close…

"Hey, John!" Someone else called—another man. Jared swore in the front seat. I panicked.

"What?" he hollered back, shielding his eyes from his friend—or partner's—torch.

I felt the blood drain from my face. A _torch_.

Ian recoiled away from the glare, throwing his arm up in front of his face. It didn't matter. It was too late.

The one named John stood frozen just outside our van, shocked. Nobody moved.

"Holy _crap_, John!" he shouted all of a sudden, his voice almost shrill with his terror. "He's _human_!" He ran as fast as he could to join his partner on the other side of the loading dock.

_Ian. Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian… _

This wasn't happening. This _couldn't _be happening. Not now. Not ever.

No, no, no, no…

"Get backup here now!" One of the men, demanded. So they _were _Seekers. I didn't know why I hadn't noticed that before. I was too numb to feel surprised.

Why _didn't _I just stay home? Why did I have to insist on a raid? Why had I let him come with me? These people that I cared about…these people I _loved_. Why did they have to die, too? Why did my happiness on this planet—after thousands of years of searching—why did it have to be so short? It wasn't fair. I was learning so much…all the people back at the caves. Jeb. Heidi. Kyle. Sunny. Violetta. Freedom. Isaiah. Lucina. Andy. Paige. Lacey. Candy. Even Sharon and Maggie…_Jamie_.

Jamie. My Jamie. My already shattered heart burned at the thought. What would he do without his family? Those who loved him most? He would survive, right? Would he be okay?

No, no, no, no…

He needed his family. They couldn't die…they _wouldn't_.

And just like that, another path opened up before me. They could still get out of here alive.

But I wouldn't be with them.

Absolutely refusing to think about it, I forced my stiff, dead legs to move. I reached out for Ian's arm and wrenched at him as hard as I possibly could. I wasn't strong enough to knock him off balance, but I did get him to turn around enough so that he was facing me. His expression was frozen with shock, almost like the rest of his body. He didn't seem to notice me at all. I ignored the stab of pain that caused me, realizing that it was probably best. If he was even remotely coherent, no doubt he wouldn't give me a chance to run for it. He'd probably die before he let me go.

That painful realization had the tears pouring from my eyes and dribbling down my cheeks. I threw myself up against his chest, the tears so strong now I could barely see. "Sorry," I whispered brokenly in Ian's ear as I clutched to him as tightly as I possibly could in that final, brief moment. "But I just can't let you die. I won't." I kissed him once, hard and fast on his dead lips. "I love you. So m-much," I mumbled against his neck. And then, before he understood enough to stop me, I jumped out of the van and ran straight towards the Seekers.

"Get out of here!" I hissed up at Jared, who's absolutely dejected expression suddenly flared to life at the sound of my voice. I didn't give him the chance to reply. I was already running, tears streaking down my face towards the two Seekers. Their flashlights came up when they saw me, and I looked directly into it, allowing them to see what I was—one of them. Everything was so blurry I could barely make out where I was going. Behind me, I heard an engine start up.

"_Wanda_!" I heard Ian call out after me, beyond furious. And then, as realization sank in, his voice became desperate. "Wanda! No! **NO**!"

_Please don't let him follow me_. _Please, please…don't…_ The tears came harder then, and sobs so strong and painful that they threatened to choke off my air supply ripped out of my throat. So much of me was going to pieces, burning in such absolute agony I wondered how I was still standing. Still _moving_. "_Help me_!" I cried, trying to find my way through the tears. I had always been a terrible actor, unable to lie just like any Soul. I could only hope my pathetic skills were enough to save my family. "The humans _kidnapped _me! Please, _help_!" I tripped and fell on something, but I didn't bother trying to stop my fall. I crashed hard against the cemented ground, not feeling anything anymore.

Everything sounded dim and muted—like I was listening to everything from under water. Despite that, I heard the tyres squealing along the pavement—the sound of an engine becoming less and less distinguishable.

Somewhere in my mind, I was aware that the Seekers had reached me now, and were trying to help me up. My body refused to function, so in the end, one of them just ended up carrying me.

I let my grief take me then. It was crushing. All consuming. The weight of it took me by surprise. I couldn't comprehend anything but the pain. My little heart stuttered, aching under the pressure of the immensity of the sadness.

I tried to calm myself with thoughts that there was a good chance they would survive. Jamie and the others would get to keep their family. That they would be safe.

My fluttery little heart pumped out one long, uneven, agonised beat, the silvery moonlight catching the sapphires in my ring—a reminder I couldn't handle.

_Ian. Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian… _

I would never see him again.

* * *

**A/N:** And so here's the long-awaited chapter five, guys! Hope you enjoyed it! I'm bawling my eyes out right now. Ugh. That's the most gut-wrenching scene I think I've ever had to write. Sorry it's taken me so long to get this up. My anal retentive editing skills haven't let me post this because I wasn't happy with certain parts, and then I had to go and have four lots of mid-semester assessment due in a week. :S

So, anyway, I promised that my little assessment of Breaking Dawn would be at the end of this chapter. What did you all think of it? I keep hearing mixed things. I, personally, didn't like it much at all. The story felt trite and predictable, not to mention fan-girly. I'll admit there were certain parts I liked: Jacob's surprise appearance at the wedding; Jacob's POV; all the different vampires turning up to witness for the Cullens; the little scene at the end where Bella finally lets Edward read her mind. Things I didn't like: Bella's "awesomeness" at being a newborn, the very anti-climatic scene with the Volturi…Rosalie's supreme bitchiness…

But all of that is nothing, _absolutely nothing_ compared to Bella's pregnancy. That whole Renesmee stint ruined the book for me. That was horrible. Not to mention that all that sacrificing Bella was supposed to be doing when she was turned into a vampire ending up being nothing at all! That whole scene with Charlie was a half-baked attempt at making everyone happy, completely devoid of any kind of reality. We all suffer heartbreak at some point in our lives, and no matter how bad, we have to deal with it. It's a fact of life. I'd hoped that Jacob had found a companion in Leah; that they would help each other, but I was sadly disappointed when he went and imprinted on Renesmee. Everyone got their happy ending, even if it required an about face in character. By the end of the book, I couldn't relate to Bella anymore, and found almost all of her reasoning quite unsound. Edward was shafted to the sidelines once Renesmee entered the picture, seeming to become nothing more than a sex toy.

Feel free to disagree. Let me know what you thought in your review, if you like. :D

As for this fic, half of the next chapter is already written. I've been _itching _to get to this point in the story, and I hope that you'll all like it where I take it next.

Comments, criticism and praise are all welcomed in all forms.

Thanks guys!

Annie

* * *


	6. Isolated

**Definition: Life**

**Chapter 6: Isolated**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

_'I shall despair. There is no creature here that really loves me,_

_And if I die, no soul will pity me._

_And wherefore should they, since that I myself,_

_Find no pity for myself?'_

_--**William Shakespeare (Richard III) **_

* * *

x x x

* * *

I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be conscious. Not if I couldn't _worry_, couldn't mourn. It felt wrong.

So wrong.

My mind was reeling, pulling my thoughts in every direction. Were they okay? Had they escaped? Or had the Seekers caught them already? What would happen to Jamie? And everyone else? Would they kill…no, not kill…erase everyone who was hiding in those caves that had been my home — my refuge — for so long? All the people that I loved? Would fate really be that cruel and take away the only thing that had ever mattered to me?

_Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian…_

The already shattered pieces of my tiny heart were suddenly burning, slashing razors in my chest. My fingers clawed at my dirty, knotted hair. I wanted to scream, to pass out — to do anything to escape the pain of thought…

But they had sedated me. Hunched in the corner and locked away as I was in this white room — white floors, white walls, white ceiling, no windows — I didn't know how or why I couldn't cry, couldn't scream, couldn't breathe any faster than if I was sleeping, couldn't hear my pulse throbbing in my ears. I didn't know anything…couldn't _hear _anything…couldn't _see_ anything…

But I could always _smell_ strawberries.

Two little metal vents, positioned on either side of the only door to this place, frequently hissed with the release of some sort of mist into the air. I watched the clouds of the unknown substance dance in the artificial light overhead, unable to do much else. My body was sluggish and loose, and my eyes half closed as I curled in on myself, relaxed as I possibly could be physically. But emotionally…_mentally_…I was going insane. Desperate, unanswerable questions circled around endlessly in my head — _where are they now? Are they safe? Are they hurt? Is Jamie in danger?_ — mashed themselves in amongst the constant replay of those final moments. The burning, the aching…the unbearable agony of not knowing, was absolutely _nothing_ compared to this sedation. I felt like I'd been gagged—like that horrible vapour I had no choice to breathe in had taken away my only outlet for my pain. Instead, it just kept building, getting worse and _worse_…

Too much.

I slumped to the floor, stretching out on the linoleum; my tangled golden curls fell across my face and pooled on the floor. There was a bed on the other side of the room, pushed right up against the wall, but as much as I craved unconsciousness, I knew it was impossible. There was no way to escape now. I would never see the humans I loved and longed for again. The Seekers would be doing everything in their power to insure that, utterly convinced they were protecting me and the rest of civilization, and I could never let them think otherwise. I'd resigned myself to that earlier, with another fit of mental hysteria. It had been an almost welcome distraction from the helplessness of my situation, all-consuming as it was. Everything gone, just like that.

There was no distraction now. Only torture. Only waiting. Would I ever get my questions answered? How long were they planning to leave me in here? How long had I been here? 2 hours? 2 days? It was impossible to tell.

And then as if to purposefully silence my internal war, a muted thud came from the other side of the door. My body didn't move, only my eyes followed the sound.

For a long moment, it was silent. Then, gradually, the door began to open.

A person — another Soul, a woman — stepped inside and shut the door behind her quietly. She was rather tall and thin, her dark hair tied back in a tight ponytail. She wore a dark suit underneath her long white coat. She looked like she worked in a hospital. Her gaze immediately darted to the bed, and then upon finding it empty, her strange violet eyes shot anxiously around the space until she found me limply sprawled on the floor. Her expression was simultaneously worried, surprised and disturbed. She even seemed a little frightened, and for the first time I found myself wondering how I must have looked to her.

"Hello," she said in a clear, calm voice. "My name is Megan, and I've been assigned as your Comforter."

She watched me expectantly, waiting for an answer, while I was momentarily lost in more memories. They were from such a long time ago — another lifetime, a different host — that the pictures weren't there anymore, only the feelings. I remembered how defeated, weak and embarrassed I'd felt about having to visit my Comforter when I first came to this planet. I knew that I'd mellowed considerably since then — accepted these beautiful, unruly human emotions for what they were: the compass that lead me to what defined me as a Soul, as a human being. What defined my entire existence. My family. My Ian.

The flash of pain in my chest was white hot and very quick, but it had done its damage; the new wound ached and throbbed. Was this how it was always going to be? Was being separated from Ia — from…_them_ always going to be this painful? I didn't think I would be able to stand it for very long if that was the case.

I was suddenly, very acutely aware of the small pill resting in the pocket of my shirt, poking upwards against my skin. I'd completely forgotten all about it until now. Some small part of me that still wasn't dazed, was still sane was suddenly screaming at me — reminding me _exactly_ what it was to be used for, and also why I probably had good cause to use it right this very second. After all, they thought I'd been traumatised by humans: the perfect scenario for a Seeker insertion. Why else would they send a Comforter? To ascertain my sanity, surely, after such an incident. But what if they picked up on what I was really protecting — the _exact_ location of the last group of humans in the area? It was a risk I couldn't afford to take, and yet I wasn't reaching for the pill, either.

I still hadn't answered the Comforter, though by now, it seemed she wasn't expecting an answer — she was scribbling away on her clipboard, hastily making notes. When she was finished, she looked down at me again, a small smile on her pretty face. Megan took a few steps closer before she bent down on her knees beside me, reaching out for me with both her arms. She set her board down on the floor beside her, and I automatically cringed away into the wall from the unfamiliar contact. There was only one set of arms that could have any placating effect on me right then. The Comforter, of course, interpreted my actions the only way she could.

"It's okay, honey, I won't hurt you," she assured me in a soft whisper. Of course she wouldn't. I knew that. "But I want to move you to the bed, okay? I don't like the idea of you resting on the floor. I wouldn't want you to catch a cold."

I let her lift me then without any protest, well aware that there was no point fighting anything now. "Wow," she commented, smiling down at me. "You're so tiny, so fragile. You're very light. Lucky you." I didn't comment, and she placed me on the bed without much effort. I tried not to think of the countless nights I'd been carried to bed by someone else. "Now then," she said, leaning away from me, reaching for something I couldn't see immediately…a chair — when had she gotten a chair? Maybe someone put it in the room for her when I wasn't paying attention — and pulling it right up beside the bed.

"How about we start with something easy?" she suggested, keeping her voice soft and purposefully upbeat. "What's your name, sweetie?" she reached out, without seeming to help herself, to tuck a stray curl behind my ear. "What planet did you come from before you came here?"

She was right in a way. It _was_ a simple enough question, but it was one I could never answer honestly. Not for her, anyway. I quickly thought through giving her something generic, but then I realized that they would probably try to track down my "family" so they could return me there. The Seekers would be doing everything in their power now to find my humans, just as surely as they were working to return me to my "rightful" place in society, so I could go back to contributing to the greater good. Or rather, they were probably still _determining_ if that was a possibility. I shivered, and curled in on myself again as I struggled for an answer.

"I used to be a Night Flower," I mumbled, my voice hoarse and flat. The answer was out even before I'd consciously thought of it, and it took me a moment to figure out where my answer had come from. A memory of what could only be Petals Open to the Moon, dancing around happily in the moonlight with other night flowers, flashed up behind my eyelids. I watched as the beautiful creatures moved, silver reflecting everywhere off their bodies…

Would it really be plausible for me to pretend to be someone who had disappeared months ago? Would they find that too suspicious? How long had it been, anyway? I didn't know exactly. Time had never seemed important in the caves; schedules never changed, even though the seasons did. We were all protected from the weather outside, save the rains that came once a year. They had already come and gone this year, weeks ago, so was it sometime in autumn?

"A Night Flower, really?" Megan smiled at me in encouragement. "I hear it's beautiful there, with the Flowers. I've only ever been with the Bats myself. I spent four life terms there. I loved the music so much that it seemed to make the blindness bearable…"

She trailed off, waiting for me to continue, but I couldn't. I didn't even have it in me to make polite conversation with this Comforter. I was exhausted, my mind screaming for some kind of reprieve. Suddenly, it was the only thing I could think of.

"Please," I mumbled, my voice barely above a whisper. "Please…could you turn off the vents? I…I can't…"

But the Comforter was already shaking her head. "We can't, honey. We don't want you to panic — you're safe, now, remember that. But you were beyond hysterical when the Seekers bought you in" — I shuddered at the name, unable to help myself — "and the Healers are concerned you might…damage your host if you don't stay calm. I know it probably feels a little strange, but it'll only be for a little while longer." She smiled again, this time with a reassurance that didn't touch her eyes. "Is there anything else I can do to make you feel more comfortable?"

I groaned into my pillow, the sound barely audible even to my ears. "Is there any way you can help me sleep?" I muttered without any hope.

"Of course," she said almost straight away, surprising me. "I'm sorry. I probably should have thought of that earlier." Megan was rising from her chair as she spoke the words, pulling it back out of the way against the wall. There was another knock on the door.

"Don't worry. I'll be sure to make sure you get some rest now. Are you hungry?"

Honestly, I didn't know. Maybe. I didn't care. I looked up at Megan, and watched as the awareness flitted across her face; her breathing stuttered, then picked up again. She tried to smile, but didn't seem to manage it very well. "Never mind, honey. Just sleep. Everything will be okay." Her voice was smooth now, soothing.

I didn't say anything as she opened the door and left.

_Everything will be okay_, she had said. I could only hope that was the case for my human family.

_Will I ever know if they are alright? Are they even alive?_ My broken heart was screaming in the sudden silence, writhing as it tried to escape the possibility of the only other alternative. They _had_ to be okay. Surely they were okay. I heard the van speed away with my own ears! And the Seekers hadn't changed chased them straight away. Jared and…and Melanie — _wince_ — would only need those few, crucial minutes to get far away enough to hide until they were it was safe to go home. I had to believe that they hadn't been harmed, or else I would never be able to function.

_Because you're doing such a good job right now_, a sarcastic voice in the back of my head reminded me.

The vents stopped hissing. And for just a moment I could feel my breathing starting to accelerate and my eyes beginning to water, a sob building in my throat. I wanted to almost groan with the relief. A single tear rolled down my cheek…

And then the vents were working again, releasing another continuous stream of blueberry scented mist…

_Hmmm…smells nice. Much better than strawberries._

I succumbed to unconsciousness swiftly after that.

* * *

x x x

* * *

_It's always so hot out here — I don't understand how anything could possibly live out here in the desert. It's ridiculously dry — even more so in a lot of ways than the ice fields on the Mists Planet. At least it was cool there. I've never liked the sensation of sweating. It always made me feel…dirty. I'll make this quick, then — the sooner I get this out of the way, the sooner I'll be back at my apartment in the air conditioning. I think I'll ask the Healers to put me back in my old body though. This host is much too short, and not really practical for my Calling. This body is too soft and too weak. Hardly threatening to humans. Falling Upward is snoring loudly beside me, his sleeping uninterrupted by the violent jostling of the car as it climbs up and over the sand dunes._

_The Jeep is _finally_ starting to slow down. How long has it been? Four hours? Five? It's impossible for me to tell in this blazing sunlight._

_"Is this the way?" Joel asks from the front seat, staring out the window with a vigilant yet anxious expression. He's nervous. He shouldn't be — there's always safety in numbers. Thirty-five humans would hardly be a match for almost seventy of us._

_"Yes. Do you see that large, rocky formation there? It looks like a small mountain, but it's actually a network of caves. That's where they're all hiding." I took a deep breath, readying myself for the oncoming battle. Humans were all vicious creatures — we had to be prepared._

_"Is there another way in aside from the front entrance?"_

_"Yes. There's a small crawl space around the back. It leads into a room of rivers." I swallowed hard as the truck came to a sudden halt, dozens of other Jeeps pulling up behind us. My pulse was thudding away in my ears, my eyes starting to water. This body was so attached to those horrid beasts in there—it was literally sickening. My every muscle and nerve was screaming in protest, yearning to protect the people inside from the coming slaughter. A vision of a dark haired, navy-blue eyed man flashed up behind my eyelids, and the lance of pain that shot through my chest almost knocked me breathless._

_My fingers clasped my gun tighter, and I could hear the rest of the Seekers moving hastily through the sand, the gravel crunching loudly beneath their feet._

_"**Stop**!" A deep male voice ordered. My heart stopped; the sound of it was agonisingly familiar._

_Taking a deep breath, and doing my best to ignore this body's reactions the environment, I swung the door of the jeep open and jumped into the sand. The air was incredibly dry and hot outside of the air conditioned cab—the strong, heated wind blew mercilessly against my sweaty face, tangling my long hair in the wind. I didn't like it out here—I felt too exposed. From the training I'd received before I came to this planet, I could tell that this body suffered from agoraphobia. Despite knowing this, it was still hard for me to separate me from my body's desires. You don't know him, you don't know him, you don't know him, I chanted to myself, forcing my feet to slush through the sand one by one. I slammed the door out of my way…and that was when I saw him._

_I couldn't stop myself._

Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian…

_I was running before I knew what was happening…before I could even think. My body was singing at the sight of him, dying to touch him. My eyes drank him in from head to toe, and the first thing I noticed was his hostile expression — the way his beautiful sapphire eyes had frozen over and hardened, this jaw strained shut._

_Such a hostile expression, yet it was still so beautiful, even contorted in fury as it was. He was beyond furious, actually._ Of course _he was. All humans were like that. That's why they had to be tamed. Who knew how many more Souls they would brainwash if we let them continue their ways out here?_

_And then he saw me._

_My feet dug deeply into the sand, halting my advance so abruptly I almost fell over. The anger melted from his face, replaced with the same shock and longing that I could feel screaming through my veins. His eyes widened, the expression on his strangely and suddenly childlike as his eyes turned to focus solely on me. "Wanda?" he whispered, his voice breaking. I could see the corners of his lips starting to twitch, and absently I thought about how long it had been since I'd seen him smile._

_I swallow hard, fighting against the warmth flooding my veins when my host's name pass his lips. He still doesn't seem aware that it has been me that has led everyone here; that this body he loved so much has betrayed him. No. Instead, he looks so vulnerable…_

_It has to be a trick. It is a trick. Humans know only violence. It has to end._

_With shaky hands, I raise the barrel of my gun to his chest and fire._

* * *

x x x

* * *

"**_NO_**!" I screeched at the top of my lungs, my body wrenching upright so quickly that I lost my equilibrium and fell off the mattress and onto the hard linoleum floor with a muted thud.

The room was suddenly very loud.

Two people scrambled through the door and over to where I lay dazed and disoriented on the floor. One of them I recognised as my Comforter, Megan. The other Soul was a much older man, his thick red moustache and beard though red and not white, reminded me too much of Jeb's beard. Was that why he looked familiar? His dark eyes were almost frantic with his concern as both he and Megan both bent down to pick me up off the floor.

"Is she okay?" Megan fretted. "I just saw her scream, and then the next thing I knew she was on the floor…" I wasn't listening. I was shaking my head — not in answer, but in denial — even as all I could see was the sun burning _my_ skin, the harsh desert wind whipping _my_ hair in _my _face, and _my_ arms stretched out….

_My_ fingers pulling back on the trigger.

I gagged.

That had been me. My body. _I'_d tried to kill him.

_But only a dream_, I reassured myself quickly. _Only a horrible nightmare_.

Still real enough, though. Much too real.

"It's alright, it's alright," I heard a man say in a strangely gravelly — yet somehow still soothing — voice. It was only when I felt someone wrap their arms around my shoulders that I realized how hard I was shaking. "Just a bad dream. You're okay. You're safe."

"Healer Fords?" Megan asked, sounding almost as hysterical as I felt. "What do we do? Is she okay?"

"We can't do anything for her, unfortunately," he replied solemnly. "Her mind has to face what's happened to her eventually. It's inevitable."

"But she's going to—,"

I couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop thinking about that horrible dream…about Ian's blood on my hands…

A strangled cry broke through my lips, and my hands came up and clamped down over my eyes, trying to erase the thought. My lungs ached with the effort of dragging in oxygen; suddenly, there hardly seemed to be enough air to breathe — everything was much too close, stifling. I couldn't get away from any of it. My little body still wasn't used to having to deal with so much emotional pain. I shuddered violently in the Healer's arms, my arms and legs struggling to get free, to escape.

_Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian…_

"Turn on the vents," I heard the Healer order abruptly, his tone much more forceful than it was before.

"No, _no_, NO!" I panicked, remembering exactly what the mist from those vents did.

"It's okay, calm down." I felt the Healer's arms strain as he held me still. Heard how breathless I was after trying so hard to get free. A door closed. "We're not going to use the Calm anymore. I can see now how much that upset you before. But there's no doubt that you need your rest, little one."

"No, I—," I started to object, but the Healer had brought up a spray bottle in front of my face, and by the time I remembered not to breathe, it was too late.

I could smell blueberries again.

* * *

x x x

* * *

When my eyes fluttered open again, I had no idea what time it was, or how long I'd been asleep. I felt very well-rested, though — more so than I had been since coming here. The Healers who were keeping me in this room had no doubt all but put me in a coma to ensure my mind had plenty of time to relax and escape. There was no confusion about where I was now. Even in sleep, my body seemed to be aware it was not where it usually was — where it _should_ have been. I hadn't escaped the pain from my nightmares completely in unconsciousness, but the ache had dulled considerably. Allowed for at least some level of control.

I had accepted the finality of my situation the moment I made my decision to save my human's lives. Now there was nothing else for me to do but to continue through with it, no matter how unwillingly that may be. There was no other choice. I tried to ignore the gravitational pull the plain white door had on my body. The irrational, overwhelming urge I felt to throw myself over the threshold and run as fast as my little body could carry me back to the desert and to the ones I loved was tearing me in two. The more predominant, _logical_ part of me — the part that was keeping me _alive_ — was arguing furiously with my crazed yearning. Try as I might to tell myself that I wouldn't even make it out of the building…That I wouldn't even make it out of this room because the door was _locked_…it was impossible not to think about how I _could_ get back to them all, if I just—

No. _No_. Going back now wouldn't be safe. That horrible nightmare had told me that much. The Seekers would probably let me go just so they could follow me. My eyes widened, a heavy wave of nausea rolled in my stomach when I remembered that that was probably _exactly _what they were planning to have me do, only _I _wasn't going to be the one to do it — they were sure to insert another Seeker in my body and go looking for my family that way. That dream had been a warning. What would happen when they found…?

I curled up on my bed, dry-retching as I shook my head, trying to dislodge the horrible thought. I already knew what would happen. Tears pooled quickly in my eyes, flowing down my cheeks and pooling on the floor. _That won't happen, that won't happen, that won't happen, that won't happen…_

I couldn't seem to make myself believe the words — I cried harder, the sobs ripping and tearing themselves free from my chest. Absently, I noted that the Healer stayed true to his word — I never heard the whir of the vents in the wall across from me. They finally seemed to understand that I needed to It hurt; my ribs ached as my lungs tried desperately to drag in air. I slumped back against the mattress, trying to calm down. It was hard. The crushing sadness was worse than I'd thought. The image of me — of _my_ body! — standing there in the desert, leading the Seekers into the caves, watching as they either dragged my family away kicking and screaming, or shooting them dead where they stood, wouldn't go away. My fingers clawed at the sides of my head, trying to gouge the images out. All I could see was the sand at my feet, and the thick, crimson stain creeping slowly into view…

I shuddered violently, swallowing back the acid rising in my throat.

"Honey? You okay?" I jumped almost a foot in the air, almost screaming in surprise — I hadn't seen my Comforter come in. But I was so emotionally exhausted that my scream was nothing more than a breathless wheeze. "Sorry," she whispered, smiling. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

I was too frazzled to be surprised that I was a little irritated with Megan. _Of course_ I wasn't okay. That much should have been obvious to anyone. Why couldn't she leave me to grieve in peace?

"Listen," she started, seeming completely oblivious. "I understand that perhaps this isn't the best time, but we think you might feel better if perhaps your family was here with you. So after talking with you, I went over the missing reports for the last few months, and found you in the system. I've contacted your host's biological mother, and she's on her way here now, Petals Open To The Moon. She was hysterically happy that you were okay, and that you'd been rescued."

I stiffened; I'd been crying so hard that I almost choked when I stopped so suddenly. Oh, no. What _now_? It had never even occurred to me, but I knew it should have when she'd tried asking me my name, and about my history. It was just that I wasn't expecting to be released from this place, and even if by some miracle they did let me go, I was sure that it would never have been that _easy_. In their effort to protect me from the people I loved, the Seekers and the rest of the Souls would block and disrupt every possible method I tried to get back to my family in the Arizona Desert, as well as every method my family might try to save _me_. I tried not to think about that—after this incident, the existence of humans would be well advertised in the nearby cities, and Seekers would be everywhere. Surely they wouldn't be stupid enough to do something _stupid_ like—?

Megan grinned at me, once again misinterpreting my reaction. "There, see? I knew that would cheer you up." And then she hesitated, her smile melting away as her expression became very serious. There was a trace of some other emotion in her face too, that I was having trouble defining. Sadness? No. It was all directed at me. Was it pity? Maybe.

"There's another issue that needs to be discussed," she began, clearing her throat quietly. I tried to pay attention. It was difficult not to panic about the Soul who was coming to claim their child. I felt a strange stab of guilt, knowing that I wasn't who Cloud Spinner thought I was, and also that she could never know I was someone different, either. I would have to deceive this woman — trick her into thinking that I really was her daughter. I swallowed hard, not liking the idea at all.

"First I want you to know that in this particular case, transferring to a different host would not be seen as an act of cowardice like it is in the majority of cases. It would be seen as an act of prolonging your mental health, and keeping your fondness for this world intact—"

"I'm _not_ skipping." The words were said so vehemently — and without any awareness on my part — that it took me a moment to realise that they had been mine. "_Ever_. You can't take me away from here! This is my home, now. I'll _never_ leave."

"Okay, okay," Megan said, placating now, and looking more than a little surprised at my outburst. "Sorry if I offended you — it's just normal procedure."

I sighed, angry with myself for having let so much of my personal emotions show themselves. I felt the chargrin colouring my cheeks, hoping that I hadn't given anything away. "No," I said in a much quieter, calmer voice this time. "You haven't offended me, Megan. I just really love it here, and want to stay." Of course I did. And for so many more reasons than she would ever know or understand.

She looked a little shocked, and then I remembered it was probably the most I'd ever spoken since they'd brought me here.

There was a knock at the door.

My Comforter blinked, jumping to her feet and hurrying to the door. She opened it only a little — just enough for her to hear the voice on the other side. Megan nodded a couple of times, closed the door again, and slowly walked back over to me. She didn't sit down this time; instead, she hesitated by the end of my bed, a huge smile on her face.

"Cloud Spinner is here to collect you, Petals Open To The Moon," she said happily, motioning for me to follow her. I jumped down from the bed and did so unwillingly. She placed both her hands on my shoulders as she moved me towards the door, my fluttery little heart suddenly flying in my chest. I'd never been a good liar, and what if Cloud Spinner noticed that something about me was off? What would she do? Would she write it off as some side effect from being "tortured" by humans, or would she panic and notice that something wasn't right? Would she suspect that another Soul had taken her daughter's body? What would she do then?

I was so tightly wound that when Megan opened the door and I saw the two men standing right there, I jumped right back in fright, crashing into her.

"Whoah! It's okay! Don't panic. You're safe," she urged as she steadied my balance.

I couldn't take my eyes off the men.

They were not in white coats like my Comforter and everyone else I could see passing through the hallway outside. Both wore rather casual clothes — plain shirts and shorts. It wasn't until I saw the chunky black belts secured around their hips, with the holster conspicuously jutting out on the right side, that I knew who they were…

They were smiling kindly at me, but previous experiences had the fear and nausea mixing so potently together in my stomach that I could barely stand. My whole body started shaking.

"Sorry, sweetie," Megan said, her hands running lightly through my hair in a soothing gesture. "The Seekers just want to ask you a few questions before you go."

* * *

**A/N:** Hey everyone. Nothing much to say this time. What can I say? End of semester assessment is a bitch, lol. It'll probably be a couple of weeks before my next update. But once I get my assignments and exams out of the way, I'll have nothing but four wonderful months for summer holidays in which my only concerns will be my part time job, saving every cent I get for my trip to the US next year in July (going for just over a month. Yay! :D), and my beloved fanfiction. I can't wait, to be honest. :D First time in three years I won't be in a country that has daily temperatures below zero during the day. :P But, yeah…Australian summers are no fun when it comes to the heat – 42 degrees (almost 108F for you wonderful Americans :P) is not my idea of a great Christmas Day, but there you go.

As for what's happening with Wanda, you may or may not have seen this coming. I know one person did. Congrats to whomever it was on their wonderful psychic powers. I give you one thousand virtual cookies :P

And there's something else I just need to straighten out about my opinion of _Breaking Dawn_ that I posted in the last chapter. Just because I hated the book does in no way mean that I respect or love Stephenie Meyer any less as an author. If she released another book tomorrow, I'd make sure I was one of the first in line to get it. I'm totally against all of this Stephenie-bashing that seems to be going on at the moment — it's horrible, and completely disrespectful to her personal beliefs, morals and her professional writing career. I could never hate Stephenie — I worship the ground she walks on for giving me endless hours of entertainment/swooning over Edward, Jacob and the rest of the Cullens.

But nobody in my experience absolutely adores every, single book by any single author. If you do, that's great, but I find it's never been the case with me. Even if you do like all the books by a certain author, you love some more than others. Another example of an author who writes a great series is James Patterson and his _Maximum Ride_ series, but the fourth book in the ongoing series, _The Last Warning_ was absolute crap and ridiculously overpriced at 35 bucks for the paperback (again, just an opinion). But I'm still waiting rather impatiently for the fifth, and I still love and respect James Patterson as an author.

So, yeah. That's my two cents for the week. :)

Chapter 7: _Questioned_ is about one third complete. I'll try my best to get it up very soon for you all.

And thank you so much to all my wonderful reviewers — your support has been overwhelming, and makes my day. I read each review a few times over, absorbing the words…You guys have made writing this story such a wonderful experience for me; I'll be thanking each one of you personally by the end. :D

Comments, criticism…anything you have to say, is welcomed heartedly in review format.

Thanks, everyone.

Warui-Usagi


	7. Missed

**Definition: Life**

**Chapter 7: Missed**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

'_As I go, remember all the simple things you know._

_My mind is just a crutch and I still hope,_

_That you will miss me when I'm gone.'_

--_**The Last Song, All American Rejects**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

No, no, no, no…How did this _happen_?

These places were never guarded. We'd never been here before! What were Seekers doing _here_, of all places? It didn't make any sense.

My eyes were glued to the floor of the van, my mouth slack with disbelief. It couldn't be over. Not now. I'd only had my body—my _family _back for a few, incredibly short months. Why did they all have to be taken away from me now? _Jared, Jamie, Uncle Jeb, Wanda_…I loved them all so much, and they'd never get to know how I felt before I had to die. My heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself—twisting and contorting in pain. I could hardly breathe; my hands shook violently as I reached for the pill tucked away in the pocket of my shirt. It wasn't until I tried to focus, to make sure I was coherent enough for those last few seconds to take the poison, that I realised I couldn't see anything. The tears were already flowing in thick streams down my cheeks. There was only enough time for me to be grateful that I hadn't let Jamie come along on this raid. I raised the capsule to my lips, forcing my mouth to open…

"Get out of here!" Someone hissed loudly from outside. They kicked the door hard to punctuate the command, and the sound made me jump about a foot in my seat. I gasped when the pill slipped from my fingers and landed with a barely audible thud on the floor by my feet.

I looked frantically to the left, wondering who an earth it was out there, but Jared had the engine starting up in that second, his expression one of pure determination. I watched the little lines around his eyes crinkle as his brow furrowed in concentration. I couldn't believe it. What did he think he was _doing_? We couldn't risk capture! We had a family to protect! If they caught us while we were still alive…

"_Wanda_!" Ian suddenly roared, his voice beyond furious. I whipped around in my seat to face him, wondering what was going on.

"Shut the door, Heath," Jared ground out through his teeth beside me. Heath didn't move—he was still crouching on the ground, his face betraying his shock and grief. I imagined mine must have looked the same.

"_Do it now_!" Jared growled. I watched as Heath shook himself out of it, and stumbled over towards the door.

Ian was suddenly jumping in the way, using all of his strength to keep it open. "Wanda! _No_! **NO**!"

I suddenly felt like I'd swallowed a stone; the pain of the realization had the oxygen in my lungs whooshing out in a horrified groan.

Wanda. _Wanda_ had been the one outside. _Wanda_ was the one trying to save us. No, no, no, no, no! She couldn't…

I reacted automatically, my body reaching desperately for the door, but a strong hand lashed out and latched itself onto my wrist like a vice. "Don't you _dare_," Jared muttered heatedly under his breath, his expression so hostile and furious that I barely had it in me to object. "I've already lost you once. Like _hell _I'm letting you run off again."

I felt my own temper start to bubble up. My eyes narrowed. "I'm _not_ going to leave her—!"

"_Get off me_! **Wanda**!" Ian suddenly exploded from behind, and impulsively, Jared and I both turned to see Ian struggling to get to the still open door. He was putting up a decent fight, too—Heath wouldn't be able to hold him much longer. Jared was jumping out of the front seat and over into the back so fast I could barely keep up.

"NO!" Ian boomed. I watched in horror as Jared received a well placed kick to his stomach, grunting loudly in pain.

"_Melanie_!" he huffed, not looking at me as he slammed the door shut right in front of Ian's face with one arm, while using the other to keep him away. "Drive. _Now_. Move anywhere else and so help me, I'll duck-tape you to the passenger seat."

I gulped, realizing that there was no bluff in this threat, but I still didn't move. I stared as he fought to restrain Ian, my body frozen in shock.

"_Now,_ Melanie. Think of Jamie. You want to get caught? There's no time to take our cyanide pills now—they're all long gone. If they catch us, _everyone_ dies."

That thwarted some of the shock in my system—enough for me to move. I fumbled out of my seat, trying to feel for the steering wheel. I plopped down in the driver's seat, hurriedly adjusting it so I could reach the pedals. I tried not to think about what I was driving away from. I tried to ignore the grieved rambling of Ian behind me. Despite my best efforts, my eyes were still stinging with tears. I turned the key in the ignition, and the engine roared to life.

"No, no, no, no! **WANDA**! You selfish _bastard_, Jared! Let me _go_!"

I hastily wiped at my face with my grimy shirt, but it did nothing to improve my view.

"Floor it, Melanie!"

With tears still pooling in my eyes, I slammed my foot down on the pedal as hard as I could, jerking everyone forward with the sudden momentum. The tyres screeched almost deafeningly along the pavement as I struggled to keep the van on the road. It was horrible, like something had reached right through me and torn out a chunk of my chest. The further away I managed to drive, the more it seemed to hurt. I could hear a strange, high-pitched grating sound over the dull roar of the engine. Suddenly, it was all I could do to keep the van straight on the road—breathing had become almost an impossibility. I couldn't pull over though. I wouldn't let the Seekers take anymore of my family. I could feel my lips trembling, the sob caught in my throat.

_Wanda…_

"No…Wanda, no. Not again. _Please…_no…_"_ Ian had fallen to his knees, sobbing so hard it was impossible to take. What we were doing to him by leaving Wanda behind….I tried desperately to keep my eyes on the road—tried to stop the van from swerving in-between lanes so much. I was lucky it was so late, I chastised myself. Or else I probably would have killed us all by now anyway, making Wanda's sacrifice in vain. I checked once through my blurry vision in the rear mirror—nobody was following us, which seemed hardly like any relief after what had just happened; it only served to make me think it was possible to still go back and grab her.

"Pull over, Mel," Jared was abruptly whispering my ear. He reached across me, gently and slowly steering the van off the road. My shaky hands put up no resistance. "I'll drive now."

I took my foot off the accelerator and climbed over the back of the driver's seat almost immediately, and straight into his arms. I let the grief take me then, soaking his shirt with salt water. The sobs came hard and fast, the realization of what had just happened finally etching itself into my awareness. I didn't want this; the sound of Ian grieving loudly in the background made the whole situation that much more unbearable.

"She's gone…she's gone…" I clung to Jared, unable to do much else.

"Don't worry. She'll be fine. They won't hurt her," he assured me. But I was already shaking my head.

"No. They won't _hurt _her," I mumbled, trying not to panic when what they _would _do came to mind. "They'll just ship her off to some other planet. To 'get her away from the bad influences' she once told someone."

"Me," Ian whispered, staring uncomprehendingly at the floor with his eyes wide. "She told _me_." He groaned. "Oh, God! That means by the time she knows what's happened to her, she'll be halfway across the universe on some other planet…"

"And we'll all be dead," Jared finished numbly.

Ian was already in motion—scrambling to his feet and wrenching open the door—before Jared and I even realized what he was trying to do.

"_No_!" We both shouted together, but Ian was faster. He jumped out of the door and ran off into the pitch black night.

Jared was out the door a few seconds behind him. "O'Shea!"

Heath was on his feet a second later. "Shit! Should we go after them?"

I hesitated, unsure of how much help the both us would be in a situation like this. Maybe Heath… "You go," I said, not entirely sure what _I _should do. "I'll catch up."

"Right." He jumped out and onto the road. I stood there listening as the sound of his thin-soled shoes clattered away on the pavement, and panic set in. What if the Seekers were coming to find us right now? They'd be here in only a few short minutes—we hadn't driven far before pulling over. Either way, we didn't have long. Abruptly, I was furious. What the _hell _did Ian hope to accomplish by running off like that? He'd get us all captured and inserted with Seekers, and then everyone we loved would be dead. Jamie, Jeb, Violetta, Heidi, Sunny…even Kyle. Did he want that? Did he really want Wanda's sacrifice to mean nothing? She'd given us the _time _we needed to get away, and it was being wasted horribly. Besides, there would be much more thought out ways to rescue Wanda. Jared was stupid if he didn't think I'd try. I tried to be optimistic now; tried telling myself that I would definitely see her again. It was hard. There was so much I didn't get to say to her before she…

"No!" someone shouted from a fair distance away, interrupting my thoughts. I stood very still, listening now. "I want her back, you hear me? I _refuse _to—"

"And you'd jeopardize everybody else's safety?" A more familiar voice was arguing back just as loudly—Jared, of course. "Wanda knew what she was doing. She wanted to save you. To save _us_. _Don't_ _throw that away_! Stop being so _selfish_!"

Sudden inspiration came to me just then. I was already jumping back over and into the front seat, over the cup holders until my hands were gripping the steering wheel and my feet were pressing themselves against the peddles. The keys were still in the ignition; I turned them without a second thought. The engine roared to life, the sound almost deafening after the almost deathly silence of the desert outskirts. I _had _to get the van off the road, away from such a conspicuous place. I didn't want to attract anymore unwanted attention, so I kept the headlights off, driving straight out into the black landscape, hoping the whole time that I didn't hit anything that would damage the van. Night would have to serve as the only camouflage for the van right now. I didn't think it was still visible from the road, not that it mattered much if the Seekers were determined enough.

I killed the engine and swung the door open, jumping out onto firm, sandy ground. I listened carefully again, trying to remember which direction I had heard Jared and Ian fighting, trying not to panic…

"…But she _promised_! She promised she wouldn't leave!" I could hear Ian now; I relaxed. He sounded much closer. I walked towards the sound, squinting my eyes in a pathetic attempt at seeing through the blackness. It was impossible to see just about anything, save the occasional shadow—the moon was bright overhead, casting the sand in an eerie, almost otherworldly silver glow. I could see three, barely distinct figures in the distance. My feet were moving quickly now, anxiety twisting my stomach.

We had to get out of here. Now.

"I know." It was Heath this time, his voice calm. "I know you're upset. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only one, Ian. We all care about her. She truly is one of the most selfless people I've ever met. Do you honestly think it would make her happy to see us captured as well?"

Ian growled. "Stop talking as if you're reading her epitaph! She's not_ dead_!"

"We need to leave now, O'Shea. Wanda's probably distracted the Seekers enough for a little while, but they'll come looking for us soon."

"Shut up, Jared. I don't want to hear it. Not from _you_, of all people. You have what you want, and that was given to you at Wanda's expense as well."

Now Jared was losing his patience. "We don't have time for this, Ian—"

"_What would you do if it was Melanie_?" he roared, cutting off Jared's retort. His rage resonated loudly in the dry air, the agony and desperation in his voice all too apparent. It was much too real—even harder to take, I abruptly understood, because I'd been in _exactly_ the same situation before. And here I was again, about to tell him to make _exactly _the same decision.

"The same thing he did before," I whispered in the furious silence that followed. Ian and Heath started; clearly they weren't expecting me to be here. "Save those he can immediately, and come back for those who can hold their own later." I took a rather shaky breath, hoping it didn't give me away too much. I had to believe that Wanda would be okay for now, or else I wouldn't be able to walk away. It didn't matter if it was only temporarily—it was still going against every protective instinct I had. Wanda was so…so small and naïve. But this was her world, not ours I reminded myself, and as I searched the memories she'd left me with, I knew she would be okay. At least for a little while…

There was a strange gurgling sound that cut through my thoughts, and I watched as Ian crumpled, falling to his knees in the sand with a dull thud. Not two seconds later, loud, desperate sobs were tearing out of his chest.

I had to really fight now—I could already feel my eyes starting to water. I bit my lip and titled my head up towards the starlit sky. I took a deep breath. She was going to be okay. She was going to be okay…she was going to be okay…out of all the situations in life that Wanda didn't understand, this would be one she could handle…

"Ian," I mumbled, sinking down into the sand next to him. Hesitantly, I reached over and patted his back, hoping to soothe him. I knew Wanda could hold her own for a little while, surely, but I was starting to have doubts that Ian's world might not last that little while. I swallowed hard, trying to fight the panic. "She'll be okay, Ian. We _will _come back for her," I promised, trying to pull him to his feet. He was so heavy—he didn't even budge. "Please, Ian." My voice cracked when I said his name, and I had to take a moment to compose myself again. "_Please_"—I was starting to lose my patience now—"this is really hard for me too, y'know!" I nudged him hard in his side.

Ian shook his head, but said nothing as he stumbled to his feet. He started walking ahead of Jared, Heath and I without waiting, or any indication of where he was going. Right then, I put it down to pure coincidence that he was heading in the general direction of where I'd parked the van. We followed him in silence; nobody had a big enough need to speak. Progress was slow as I watched Ian trudge along in front of me with his shoulders hunched.

The drive back to the caves was equally as quiet; the only audible sounds were the different rates of breathing. I tried to be inconspicuous about it, when I peeked at Ian in the rear-vision mirror, but he never seemed to notice. He always looked exactly the same every time I checked, which was often—eyes glazed over as he stared at the wall of the van, his expression empty of any kind of emotion or even thought it seemed. I watched the road pass by underneath us; the anticipation of returning home had long since been consumed by grief. And the hardest part was still to come, I realised, as if losing Wanda wasn't enough. Anguish twisted in my stomach as I thought about delivering the news of her…sacrifice to our family, but it was Jamie, Doc and Jeb who I knew would take it the hardest. Jamie most of all, I knew, would be devastated, and I wished that there was anything…_anything_ that could spare him from such pain. Even if I wasn't intending for it to last.

I must have fallen asleep for a while after that—I started when I heard the crunch of gravel underneath the tyres: the sign that our trip on the highway had ended, and we were almost home. Dawn was just starting to break across the desert, dyeing the sand a strange pink colour as the sky brightened. I tried to keep my breathing even, but I didn't quite manage it. Jared reached for my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

Jared drove our decrepit van under cover, letting the engine idle for a few moments while we all tried to get up the courage to tell everybody about what had happened. The silence wouldn't last I realised. Everybody had probably already seen the van—they would know we were home. I tried to feel my face, tried to force the muscles surrounding my lips to move—to curve upward into some kind of reassuring expression—but they wouldn't. I could feel my grief pulling them in the opposite direction, my jaw straining shut as I tried to fight it.

"Dammit," I hissed when I felt the warm salt water streaming down my face. No. I had to be strong. I couldn't let Jamie see me like this. I wanted him to have some hope, something to look forward to. I could feel something strange there, in my throat; it was blocking off everything but my unstable breathing.

"We'll get her back, Mel," Jared said, moving to pat me lightly on the shoulder. "Remember how easy it was last time? We just need to wait for all the hysteria to die down. Once it does, we'll go back for her."

"This raid was supposed to be _easy_," I snapped, incredulous. "But it _wasn't_,was it? Thanks to our _easi_ness, I just lost a pretty big part of my world, and Ian's lost his entirely." Some small part of me realised I was getting angry about the wrong things, and definitely at the wrong person. And yet, at the same time, I found it extremely difficult to care. "That's not _easy_, Jared. It's just plain cruel." I wiped futilely at my face, trying clean it up before Jamie came running over. "What happens the next time we go out? Will we lose Jeb? Heath? Andy? Trudy?"

I didn't want to hear his answer. Before he had the chance to speak, I was kicking the passenger side door open and jumping out into the already warm pre-dawn haze, running as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I knew I was being irrational and childish. _We_ were the ones being hunted. Nowadays, there wasn't a human alive that hadn't already lost the better part of their family and friends to the Souls. Nobody. I'd lost my parents, my grandparents, cousins, friends…What used to be my entire world. But in doing so, I'd gained more than I could have ever hoped for. More than I probably deserved. Losing my family had hurt. A lot. It was one of those things that I thought I'd never really recovered from. They'd known me my whole life, after all—loved Jamie and I more than I thought what was possible at times. They had been the only thing I knew.

…So why did this feel almost _worse_?

It didn't make sense…and yet, at the same time, it did. For so long, Wanda had known my every thought, feeling and secret. I'd never been able to hide away from her for extended periods of time. She knew everything about me, and loved me…_protected_ me even, despite how much I hated and manipulated her in the beginning. Despite all my floors. It was the strangest, wonderful, most horrifying thing I'd ever felt in my life, to be _that _accepted. Even Jared and Jamie—the two people I loved on this earth more than anything in the world combined; the two who knew me as best as two humans could possibly understand a person—didn't know _everything_ about me. But Wanda had used her life here _so_ many times to protect what I loved and cherished, even when she knew she might die. Even when she _knew _she'd die. How could I _not_ love her for that? The only 'unhuman' aspects of Wanda's entire being were her selflessness, naivety and intolerance of violence. All qualities humans found attractive in one aspect or another. It made sense to me that the reason she was cared for so much—adored by most of the people here—was because she was so alien in that particular part of her personality.

"Mel!" Jamie called suddenly from far off in the distance, dashing out carelessly into the light. "Mel! Yay! You're home!"

When I looked up and saw his overjoyed face getting closer with each passing second, I felt like a razor-blade had sliced right through the centre of my chest. He reached me a moment later, completely oblivious as his long arms wrapped around my neck like a vice. I was limp in his embrace; too tired and shocked to make my own arms move. It didn't take him long to notice then that something was wrong. He pulled away from me almost immediately, his entire expression morphing instantly into one of concern.

"Mel?" he whispered, panicking. "Mel? What's wrong? Where is everyone else?"

"They're still coming," I mumbled, looking away when my eyes started to water.

It didn't take long. I heard them all coming up behind me, almost at the same time Doc, Jeb, Maggie, Sharon, Kyle and Sunny appeared at the mouth of the cave. These were the people Wanda had ultimately protected, and at just the sight of them—_most_ waiting anxiously to see her, it was nearly impossible for me to hold myself together. I felt my control slipping, but somehow I managed to keep a straight face.

"Heath! Jared!" Jamie cheered, running off behind me. I heard Jared slap his arm over Jamie's back.

"Hey, kid," Jared mumbled. For the first time that day, he sounded almost as bad as I felt. I imagined he must have been smiling; I knew that if I turned around, I'd probably lose it. "You been good while Mel and I been away?"

"I _think _I was," he said, sounding completely oblivious. "But y'know it's hard to tell—Sharon's always angry, even when she's happy."

I knew I should have laughed at that. I knew I usually would, but I just couldn't. Not even Jared could say anything after that. Again, it didn't take Jamie and the others long to process our moods. His smile disappeared almost instantly. Auntie Maggie and Sharon's expressions didn't change.

"What the hell happened?" Uncle Jeb demanded suddenly, striding closer out into the open. "Where's Ian and Wanda?"

"Ian's still in the van, I think," Jared said, his voice subdued. And then he added after a moment, "I don't think he'll be coming inside for a little while. I should probably stay out here and keep an eye on him."

Of course, everyone was bewildered for a moment. "Why won't he come inside?" Doc asked, though I could see he was already coming to his own conclusions, as was Jeb—his eyes darted around the little group that had gathered, and in a rare display of emotion, I watched as Jeb ducked his head and turned away. Doc was nodding his head slowly and like us, too shocked to process anything further. I didn't want to even look up at Maggie and Sharon.

"Melanie," Jamie whispered anxiously in a thick voice. "Where's Wanda?"

It took me a few minutes before I was sure enough that I could speak without my voice breaking. This was where I had to sound positive—to reassure Jamie that we would definitely get her back. That she was just gone for a few days while we regrouped and waited for the fuss in the city to die down. That would be all I needed to tell him. It should have been easy—I was the one planning to go out and get her in a few days. What were a few days? Nothing really. Nothing…

"When Heath and Ian left the van to start loading the Heal," I heard myself say, my voice almost dead. A monotone. "Some Seekers spotted us on their patrol…" I averted my eyes away from Jamie's crumbling face, to the sand at my feet. I couldn't look at anybody. "When they spotted us…When they spotted us she distracted them so that we had enough time to get away."

Nobody moved. Nobody made a sound. There wasn't even a breath of wind as the sand beneath my feet began to warm.

"She's gone?" Jamie breathed, his voice breaking on the last word. I looked up at him then, and I instantly wished that I hadn't—his expression was horrified. Shocked. Angry. Scared. Agonised. The one I hadn't seen since the Soul controlling Dad's body found us, and had tried to turn us over to the Seekers.

"Just…Just for a little while," I wheezed. "We'll get her back very soon."

"_NO_!" Jamie shook his violently, the tears that had been pooling his eyes splattering all over his face. He glared right at me. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"We'll get her back, kid," Jared said, coming up beside me. "We won't be able to survive without her for very long. We need her."

Jamie scoffed, surprising everybody. "_Of course _we need her. But that's all you care about, isn't it? You don't give a _damn _now that Wanda's not attached to Melanie's body anymore, do you?" he screamed, clenching his fists tightly at his side. I heard Sunny squeal—Jamie's anger was frightening her—trying to bury herself as far as she could into Kyle's side. "She _saved _you at the expense of her own _life _and all you have to say is that we'll need to get her back so you can take her back out on _another_ raid she won't come back from?" I didn't look behind me to see how Jared was taking the criticism, but I could imagine well enough. I could almost see the lines between his brows creasing as they narrowed, and the tight set of his jaw.

"Calm down," Jeb urged, patting him firmly on the shoulder. Jamie shook him off almost immediately.

"You know that's not what he meant," I said to Jamie through gritted teeth. Where was this outburst coming from? It wasn't like him.

The silence was as long and awkward as the tension was palpable. I watched Kyle discreetly try and pry himself free from Sunny, though I couldn't hear what he was saying to her. She ran off at full speed into the caves a moment later, while Kyle snuck around the group and headed in the direction of where the van was parked. Probably to check on Ian, I thought solemnly.

Suddenly, Jared sighed loudly, sounding almost exasperated. "Just get it off your chest okay, Jamie. What do you want me to say? What is it about the situation that I can lie to you about to make you feel better?"

"Jared!" I growled furiously, whipping around to face him. "What the hell! He's just _upset_!"

"So is everyone else!" he bit right back. "If the kid wants in on all the grown up conversations, wants to start acting like an adult, then he needs to _grow up_! You're just as upset as he is! _Everyone_ is—Ian more so than the majority here, that's for sure. If he's just going to stand here and blame everybody else for what happened, then he can leave! It's certainly not helping."

"_Jared_!" I was joined this time by Aunt Maggie, Sharon and Doc in my outrage. "Shut it. Right now! _You _are the one who's not helping anything right now."

"I'm not going to pat the kid on the head and tell him everything's okay. It's _war_. Everyone here has lost someone they love. It's how it is these days."

"Wanda's _not _dead! She's _fine_," I ground out through my teeth, glaring right back at Jared. "We'll find her and bring her home in a few days—it's nothing to worry about. And you more than anyone should understand how Jamie feels—I distinctly remember you punched me in the face when you thought _I _was dead."

His whole face closed off as his eyes blazed. "That was different—and we can't just walk out there and pick her up like we did last time! That'd be _suicide_! The Seekers will definitely be on the lookout for humans now!"

"_**Stop it**_!" Jamie suddenly screeched at the top of his voice, making us all jump. He ran off into the darkness of the caves before anybody had a chance to protest.

"Jamie!" I called after him. "Jamie, come back!"

I was about to go after him, but Jeb stopped me. "Just let him go, hon. He just needs some space."

"But—"

And just when I didn't think things could get any worse right then—how long had it been since Jared and I fought like that? Had we ever…?—Kyle came charging over the sand dunes at full speed, shouting at the top of his lungs with a strangely anxious expression on his face.

"Ian's gone! The van is still there, but the Jeep's missing."

"Oh, crap," Heath mumbled.

I could barely hear him—my vision had narrowed considerably, all the hysterical noise ringing in my ears faded to nothing but indistinguishable background noise. I felt…no, I _heard _something snap inside me—heard every crack and splinter as the world in front of me all but shattered.

It took all I had not to scream.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the _extremely _late chapter guys. Several contributing factors, I can assure you, the biggest of which happened when my computer got about 25 different viruses 2 weeks ago and just crashed. I haven't been getting much sleep the past 14 days, because I pretty much thought I'd lost everything. Turns out I didn't, which is a relief, but at the same time, all of the new anti-virus software the computer people put on my laptop created some serious software conflicts, again making my computer crash. So I've been doing nothing these past few days but uninstalling and reinstalling huge quantities of software on my computer. Not fun. :S

I know everyone was expecting this chapter to be from Wanda's POV, but I thought it might be a tad interesting to try Melanie's, and to show what was happening while Wanda was being looked after by the Healers. That argument Jared and Ian have as they're speeding away was the first thing I wrote ever for the Host. My wanting to explore Jared and Ian's sort-of unsteady relationship was the catalyst for this story. I know that Stephenie Meyer gave the impression that all problems those two had with each other had been resolved when Melanie and Wanda were separated, but there's a big part of me that doesn't believe it was, or that it would ever be _that_ easy. Jared certainly sees the lifestyle-changing benefits of having Wanda around with much more clarity than Ian does, because of course, Ian's blinded a little by his adoration and protectiveness of Wanda, while Jared doesn't feel anything at all like that. Though I'm sure Jared _does _care about Wanda, he's nowhere near as involved with her as Jamie, Jeb, Doc, Heidi and the others are, I think, partly because no matter how much he comes to understand Wanda and appreciate what she does for everyone, there's still a small part of him that can't forgive Wanda for taking Melanie away from him, even if he did get her back in the end. I also think that Ian probably sees Jared's using Wanda on raids as more than a little careless, and he also probably thinks that Jared doesn't care about Wanda's welfare at all. I just find it all so interesting. Probably too interesting. XD

Anyway, enough crap – I was more than half way through with _Questioned, _(the original chapter 7) before I started writing this, so it should be up as chapter 8 relatively quick. Here's a hoping! Good news for all my poor, neglected _Midnight Waltz _readers as well – an update is about a week away maximum, if that. _Finally _getting that off the ground again. :D

As you all know, comments, criticism, praise, flames…all of it is welcomed and adored in review format. :D

And if I don't update again before the big two-five, I hope you all have a fabulous and Merry Christmas, and an awesome New Year!

~Warui-Usagi~


	8. Questioned

**Definition: Life  
Chapter 8: Questioned**

_Warui-Usagi_

_

* * *

_

x x x

* * *

'_A lie never lives to be old.'_

_--__**Sophocles**_

_**

* * *

**_

x x x

* * *

"Hi, there! You remember me?"

The man on the left squatted down in front of me so he could see my face properly, grinning widely. I looked at his middle aged features, brown hair and green eyes, and knew that I didn't remember him. The crippling shyness that always disabled my body in these moments only allowed me glimpses of him every now and then through the curtain of my wildly curly hair. There was nothing particularly remarkable about him that would make him familiar to me, though I thought that maybe I had heard his voice somewhere before… "Such a cute, pretty little girl, aren't you? I'm so happy we were able to save you from those humans. You're the first and only survivor—you're very lucky."

My head whirled, the whole world moving with it, and I fell heavily against my Comforter, who caught me easily enough. She seemed prepared for it. These were the kind of Souls who were trained to be suspicious, who could pick up on lies when they were listening for them. Would they watch me that carefully? They were also the only Souls who ever killed—Wes had been killed earlier this year by a particularly persistent Seeker. What if these men were the same? What if they _knew _I was lying? They would never hurt me, but they would definitely do everything in their power to find my beloved family.

The Seeker's eyes were kind as he looked at me, his hand reaching out to brush the hair from in front of my eyes—something people did all the time, and yet my entire body still flinched away from the contact. I still couldn't stop shaking. What if I accidently said something that gave me away? What if they already _knew_ I was hiding something?

"Hey, don't worry. We won't hurt you, sweetie. You mind talking to us for a bit?" he asked, rising back to his full height. "We just want to ask you some questions." He and his partner stood aside and gestured to another small, immaculately white room across the hall. I could see a table and set of chairs, and just like the room I was still standing in, there were no windows.

Megan nudged me forward gently, trying to get me to walk, but my feet stayed rooted to the ground. Both Seekers smiled at me as the one who had spoken to me before reached out for my hand. The fingers that wrapped around mine felt cold; I wanted nothing more than to rip myself free and run for the door.

I tried to convince myself that there was nothing to worry about. This certainly wasn't the first lot of Seekers I'd dealt with. I just had to act the part. I was terrified, my heart thrumming away like a hummingbird's wings against my rib cage—it seemed like the best feeling to go with. It wouldn't be hard. Megan and the Seekers probably just assumed I was scared of having anything to do with my "kidnapping." There was no other possible way they could know about anything else, surely. Which meant that they wouldn't be listening for a lie. All I had to do was make sure I didn't give them a reason to be suspicious of me. As useless as this body was for physical labour, it was _incredibly _useful for making me look vulnerable, helpless and most importantly of all, unintimidating. Like the few times I'd done this before, lying wasn't the key. I just had to be myself. A Soul.

"Come on," Megan whispered as she pushed me forward into the room. "They won't bite. You'll be fine."

I nodded slowly, focusing only on my breathing. I could do this. I _had _to do this. I had an obligation to protect my humans from discovery. I loathed deceiving other beings—maybe that was why I was so bad at it—but because of the lifestyle I had chosen…because of who I had surrounded myself with in this life, deception was a necessity if I wanted to ensure that those I cared for so much could continue surviving…even if I couldn't be with them anymore.

"You don't have to stand, y'know. Sitting down might make you more comfortable."

Again, I nodded, slowly, keeping my eyes on the table while I gathered myself together. I didn't know who it was that had spoken. I sat down carefully in the chair, feeling like I didn't have much of a choice. The two Seekers almost threw themselves into their seats, groaning loudly with relief. Idly, a part of me wondered what they had been doing all day. Looking for humans?

"Okay. Shall we get started?" the one who was doing all the talking began, and I tried to focus. I couldn't make eye contact, so I stared at the white laminate surface of the table instead. "My name is Faces Sunward and this is my partner, John—he's kept his host's name." He then laughed like he'd just told some sort of joke.

He didn't wait for me to say anything; I heard him shuffling through a stack of papers. "And you're…Petals Open to the Moon. Nice name. Sounds like you were a Night Flower. Never been to the Flowers myself. Did you like it there?"

I forced my eyes to flick up to his face, and I could see he was smiling at me. Not suspicious at all. There was only kindness there in his expression, and concern for my safety. Still, I could not relax completely. "I did," I chirped, surprising not only myself with the sound of my voice—I felt like I hadn't spoken in a long time. I tried to smile a little as I searched Pet's memories for a good answer. "I enjoyed it a lot. I had only spent two lifecycles there before I heard about this planet."

"And do you like it here?" he asked politely.

"Yes—even more than the Flower's," I answered honestly. It was not only my answer, but Pet's as well. I could feel Megan's eyes watching me, assessing. I couldn't help but wonder how much she had told them about my situation—neither of them seemed _particularly_ interested or surprised by my answer.

"I've only been with the Bats and the Seaweeds myself. Didn't mind it at all with the Seaweeds, but I hated the blindness when I stayed with the Bats."

I kept the stiff smile on my face, hoping that it didn't look too fake. "Oh" was the only response I could think of.

"So," Faces Sunward began, the tone of his voice deepening. His smile disappeared as he looked at me, his face serious. "Do you remember anything about your kidnappers? Anything that might help us recognise them if they come into the suburbs again? John says he remembers one of the men closest to you had blonde hair and blue eyes, and was quite big…" his voice drifted off as he watched me, and it was difficult for me to tell if he was just waiting for me to add anything, or watching my reaction. Probably both. I tried to control the expression on my face when I recalled the last time I had seen Ian—shocked, angry, hurt. I swallowed hard, hoping that what I said didn't sound as false to them as it did to me. This would be the first time I had to lie outright. Not even part of the truth could be told in my recount of what had happened over the few months I had been in this body. I could only be vague in my descriptions and hope that was enough. The less I spoke, the better chance I had of getting through this without being shipped off the planet.

"I do remember the man looked like that," I whispered; at least that wasn't a lie. "The other's though, I didn't see their faces—it was very dark." I hesitated and then added, "They didn't like me looking at them." Inwardly, I winced. I knew I was lying, but did they pick up on it?

"That's understandable, I suppose," John said as he leaned forward on the table, folding his hands in front of him. "But did they ever mention _why_ they took you in the first place? You were out walking when they took you, correct?"

"Yes, I was." I kept my voice low and relaxed a little when I realised that at least Pet's memory of that afternoon would be truth enough. "A girl came up to me and asked for directions. She seemed very nice. I was introduced to her friends…two men…and then all I could smell was raspberries…"

John nodded, seemingly convinced. "They used Sleep on you. When you woke up, was there anything you recognised about your surroundings? A smell, a sound….What anything looked like?"

I took a deep breath—here came the outright lies. My heart was flying in my chest, my hands started to shake where they were resting in my lap.

_Help me, Ian._

"I could never see anything. It was always dark, and whenever there was light, they made me wear a blindfold." My voice sounded flat and unconvincing in my own ears. I could feel the tears already pooling in my eyes. They were going to figure out I was lying, weren't they? And then they would ship me off planet, and insert a Seeker into this body, and track down the few remaining colonies in the desert, including Ian, Jamie, Mel, Jared, Jeb, Doc, Heidi, Trudy, Heath….I couldn't let that happen! I didn't know how I was going to stop the Seekers from finding out where my family was, but there had to be some way. For months, I had been useless around the caves—I couldn't do any physical labour around the caves without having to rest regularly. Now, I wasn't even capable of protecting them. They all had trusted me so implicitly, and my reckless attempt at trying to save them would now ultimately lead to their capture. My breathing started to accelerate…What was I going to do?

A warm hand was suddenly brushing over mine where they were both clenched into tiny fists in my lap, startling me.

"It's alright," Megan said, her voice patiently reassuring. My eyes automatically darted to her face, and she was smiling kindly at me. "No one can hurt you anymore. I understand that looking back on your experience with the humans is scaring you, but if there is anything that you can tell these men about your kidnappers, it would help out their investigation a lot."

I blinked at her, a little unsure of what to say. So did that mean that they didn't suspect I was lying? Or were they just pretending they didn't for now? I looked over at Faces Sunward and John, and both of them were smiling at me as well.

"Well then in that case, I'm sure you would have heard their voices. We definitely know there was one man there that night. Could you give us a rough idea of how many other you think there are, based on what you heard?"

My gazed shifted back uneasily to the Seekers seated across from me, my finger twitching in my lap. Was it really going to be this easy? "Y-Yes. There were at least…three other men and…"—I did my best to make it look like I was stopping to count—"…two women, from what I could gather listening to their conversations."

"Okay," John said, sounding rather pleased as he scribbled down what I'd said onto his notepad. "Anything else you can think of that stood out at all? Especially about where they were keeping you?"

This was an answer that I was prepared for. I didn't want them searching out in the desert more than they already were, and if I'd told them about being in a cave, I was sure my humans would be discovered. "I was definitely in a house somewhere, because I could hear doors opening and closing," I started, doing my best to sound unsure and a little nervous. It wasn't very hard. "I was in a room with a mattress, but something made me think that the house was either neglected or abandoned, because there was always a musty smell in the air…"—at least that small part about the smell was true—"…And…" I hesitated, thinking the rest of my answer through as quickly as I could.

"And?" John prompted.

"And…I thought it was strange, but I could never hear any traffic," I said, watching their faces carefully for any signs of suspicion. "No cars, trucks, anything."

The Seeker named John nodded seriously, seeming to accept my explanation without even blinking. "So they either soundproofed the walls, which is unlikely, or it's a dwelling located on the outskirts of town," he mumbled, scribbling everything down as fast as he could on his notepad. Faces Upward had already stopped writing, and seemed to be waiting for his partner to finish. It only took John about another thirty seconds, and then they were both looking at me, their expressions rather strange. Did they both seem apologetic, or was it just me? They even looked a little reluctant. I didn't understand.

"Good girl," Megan said in the awkward silence that followed, reaching over once again to pat my hand. "I knew you could do it. You're such a strong little Soul—I'm sure you can recover from this." She smiled at me as she leaned back into her chair, and I did my best to smile back as earnestly as I possibly could.

"Now then," Faces Upward began after clearing this throat loudly. "I'm sorry if this next line of questioning makes you feel uncomfortable, but we have to ask…"

I hesitated, wondering what it could be that would make even a Seeker look embarrassed. "Okay. I understand."

John took a deep breath, leaning farther across the table, his face only a few feet from mine. "Did the humans ever do anything…bad to you?"

My eyes narrowed, confused. "You mean, did they ever hurt me?"

"Yeah."

I shrugged, hiding my face behind the curtain of my hair. "No, not really."

"Not really?"

"They never harmed me in any way," I mumbled, fiddling with my hands as I looked down at my knees, pleased once again that this was something I could never—and didn't have to—lie about. "I was fed every day and had somewhere to sleep. I was never really comfortable, but I was never attacked or hurt for the fun of it."

"'For the fun of it'?" I didn't see who'd repeated what I'd said, but they sounded more than a little bewildered.

I berated myself for using that particular choice of words, floundering to come up with some kind of defense—I had nothing. And then, once again, before I seemed aware of it, my lips were moving on their own. "Humans aren't as savage as we Souls make them out to be," I said, looking up at both of them as I tucked a thick lock of hair away behind my ear. "We seem to have forgotten that we've destroyed their families, their loved ones…They really only wanted to talk."

'Talk' was perhaps a rather subjective term, I thought to myself wryly as I remembered when Jeb and the others had come across Melanie and I in the desert. How furious Jared had been when he's seen me, how hurt…How enraged Kyle and Magnolia had been…And how Ian—

What was I _saying_? Anymore, and these Seekers would probably learn that I had in fact sided with the humans; enough evidence for them to have me shipped off-planet and use the body I was inhabiting as a tool to find out all the information they needed. I'd already said too much. In fact, they'd probably already made their decision. Megan sat on my right, looking hardly surprised, though I got the feeling that if she was, she certainly wouldn't be one to show it with me in the room.

"_Talk_? Why in the world would a human want to just '_talk' _to a Soul? They hate us!" John's chair screeched back against the linoleum as he rose to his feet. I watched him move anxiously about the room and could see the fear in his eyes—the same fear that had probably been in _my _eyes for quite a while when I first came upon the humans I would grow to love.

"One of the men said that I looked a lot like…a lot like someone he used to know."

"And?"

"And…and he wanted to know if that person was still alive inside me somewhere."

"_What_?" Faces Upward was quietly indifferent to everything I said, having hardly looked up from his notepad. John, on the other hand, seemed more terrified and belligerent than I had ever seen a Soul before on this planet. I remember Sunny back at the caves, and how she must be clinging to Kyle's side even at this very moment, and wondered if their fear was just a taste of what would really happen were an announcement like this to be made in the rest of Soul society. I suspected the majority would be terrified, probably even going to such extremes as shipping off planet….And I couldn't find it in me to see that as a necessarily bad outcome. It made me feel quite guilty—why could I not sympathize with my own race? Perhaps I hadn't just gone native. Maybe I really was a traitor.

"What did you tell them?" Faces Upward asked me quietly.

"That of course that wasn't possible—it's _my_ body." Why was it that that answer sounded like the biggest lie of all?

"Of course," he replied with ease—too much ease. He leaned back into his chair as he wrote, not meeting my eyes. He'd picked up on it, hadn't he? He could tell that I was lying, and not just about what I told him my humans has asked me, but about _all _of it. What was I going to do now? There was no way I could get caught—I had to do something. Surely there was some way I could escape once I was released from this place…?

"Well, I think that's enough for today," Faces Upward said gently, looking up briefly from his notes to smile at me. "We'll call you if we have any further questions, but I believe that you've given us more than enough information to further our investigation considerably enough."

I tried to smile back to the best of my ability, trying my best to seem calm. "Okay." I hesitated, not really sure what to do next. "Can I go…home now, Seeker?"

"Yes, of course. Megan will show you out to your mother. Thank you very much for your time, Petals Open to the Moon."

I nodded, not really sure if I was capable of saying anything either coherent or convincing enough at that point. Megan rose promptly from her chair, waiting for me to pass her before she followed me out. She never said a word, but her eyes were trained on me the whole time, probing. It made me rather uncomfortable as I walked slightly ahead of her down the narrow hallway, but at the same time, she didn't seem particularly suspicious of me, either. Just curious. I'd learned by now that these were certainly a very observant group of Souls—the best outcome I could hope for from that interview was curiosity. Obliviousness seemed impossible to hope for.

I stopped at a white door at the end of the hall, trying to see out of the small square pane of glass embedded at the top, hoping to catch a glimpse of Cloud Spinner before she saw me. Even when I propped myself up on my toes, it was still too high. I sighed, annoyed not for the first time at how small I was. A familiar ache in my chest had resurfaced when I thought of my host's biological mother. The face of the person I both knew so well and didn't know at all flashed up before my eyes—a middle-aged woman with wild curly red hair and piercing green eyes. I tried to stifle it, angry at how much sway my host body still seemed to have on my emotions.

"You can go through when you're ready," Megan said from behind me. I nodded, though I made no move towards opening the door.

What was I supposed to say to her when she saw me? I dived quickly through Pet's memories, hastily trying to remember and hoping that I could mimic her behaviour. I was terrified of what could possibly happen if Cloud Spinner became suspicious. My hands shook violently as I reached for the handle, my breathing accelerating. I couldn't remember being this scared before; even when faced with the prospect of death, getting caught just seemed so much worse. Perhaps it was because in that case, I wouldn't be the only one to suffer.

I managed to grip the knob with both hands firmly enough to twist it, pushing slowly as the lock came free. I was still frazzled; I had no real idea of what I should say in a situation like this—Pet had never been in a situation like this before…. But as it turned out, the moment I saw Cloud Spinner's face as the short, plump woman stood there in the middle of the waiting room, words weren't necessary. Something inside me snapped.

The ache that had been steadily throbbing away in my chest suddenly flared into an all out burn—a burn that took complete control of my entire body. This woman who I had never known or heard of—for a fleeting moment—had become the most important person in my world. A million memories flooded my mind—most from a time when my host body was young and incapable—and before I knew what was happening, I was throwing myself at her, burying my face in her shoulder as I sobbed with relief.

She was crying too—wailing loudly and rather incoherently into my hair. She squeezed me so tightly that I could barely breathe, but for that moment I was perfectly okay with not breathing.

If I had been okay with knowing that I wasn't her daughter, I may have lost control over my emotions completely. But that was enough to sober me considerably, and my embarrassment had my body prying itself from her arms and my gaze pinning itself to the floor.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Could Spinner sobbed, framing my face with her chubby hands. "I thought I'd lost you forever."

_You _have _lost your daughter forever_…_and I'm the reason why._

"I'm fine," I whispered, referring back to one of Pet's memories when she's greeted her mother after coming back from a trip to Florida to visit one of her friends—she didn't like it when he mother fussed all over her and made a scene. "I was able to escape, though they treated me pretty well. I was never hurt."

She crushed me to her chest again, my face buried in her cherry-red blouse. "I'm just so happy! Though you look like you could use a shower, sweetheart. I don't think I've ever seen your hair quite so dirty."

I looked down at the simple blue t-shirt and jeans I was wearing, and sure enough they were covered in grime and purple dust I'd picked up from the caves. A small curl of my dull blonde hair hung limply in front of my face. In this light, I really _was _a mess. I hadn't bothered to clean up for that particular raid because we were going by night, and we weren't planning on being seen or getting caught.

That turned out well, didn't it?

"Excuse me, Cloud Spinner." Faces Upward had come up behind us and was tapping her on the shoulder. "I'm so sorry to interrupt your reunion with your daughter, but I just wanted to let you know that we will follow you home and set up a protective detail outside your house for the next couple of weeks. While I'm sure the humans wouldn't be stupid enough to try and come back for Petals Open to the Moon, I don't want to take any chances."

"Oh, yes, of course! Thank you so much for everything you've done, Seeker. You saved my baby." She hugged me tighter still.

"I was just happy to be there at the right time," he replied, and I could feel him looking at me. I was happy that for once, I didn't have to pretend to smile.

"Yes. I'm very glad that you were. Thank you so much."

"No problem. You take care now, Cloud Spinner. You too, Petals Open to the Moon."

"I will, Seeker," I mumbled, my voice still muffled by the fabric of her clothing.

"Let's get you home." Cloud Spinner wrapped her left arm tightly around my shoulders as she led me towards the door, pecking me on the head as she sniffed, trying to get her emotions under control. The woman was practically glowing with happiness—it made the guilt that was twisting my stomach into knots all that much harder to bear.

"Home sounds very good right now," I said, doing my best to give her a genuine smile.

And as I got into Cloud Spinner's car and watched her drive away with the Seeker's shiny black car conspicuously following behind, I could feel the strength of realisation creeping up on me. It was so much more powerful than I thought it would be. I thought I'd resigned myself to this fate; to never being able to see Jamie smile at me the way he always did; to never being able to get angry at Mel for trying to make me play some kind of game with her when there was still work to be done; to never be able to sit with Jeb for hours and discuss other species of aliens in detail; to never be able to kiss Ian one more time and tell him how much I loved him for _always _watching over me….

It was obvious, when the tears started streaming down my face and the sobs were building in my throat that I had still hoped, even when I hadn't consciously given myself permission to. Somewhere, some small part of me had still hoped that this whole situation would just be written off as another close-call in a few days. But as we drove through the last of the Arizona landscape and into suburbia with the Seekers still trailing diligently behind, I could barely recognise how I felt. Having that hope crushed was more devastating than anything I could have imagined. I couldn't think, couldn't move. I really was never going to see them again.

And that was all.

"When we get home, how about I make you your favourite for lunch? I know how much you like pork and salad sandwiches!" Cloud Spinner chatted away happily in the front, seemingly oblivious of my mood. Her voice was muted—like I was hearing it from under water.

_Home…_

A place that now I was certain I would never know or return to again.

* * *

**A/N:** Just a couple of things for this chapter:

Everyone thank the awesome _Batsu Simasu-chan _for beta-ing this for me—she's been a real champion about it. :D

Chapter 9: _Pretended _is already well under way and should be posted soon. I go back to work on Monday and I'm sure that during my procrastination, I'll have it finished pretty quickly if previous experience is anything to go by. ;D

Oh, and I don't actually know if pork and salad sandwiches werePet's favourite—it just happened to be what I was eating at 3am in the morning when I finished this chapter off, and thought I may as well use them. Don't ask. XD

As you all know, your feedback is very much appreciated, and _valid _criticism is very much taken into account while I'm writing.

Warui-Usagi


	9. Pretended

**Definition: Life  
Chapter 9: Pretended**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

'_When the mind pretends, the entire body revolts.'_

**--Anais Nin**

* * *

x x x

* * *

I couldn't even bring myself to pretend that I was happy to be back in this place. No matter how familiar this house had once felt, it would never be home. Not for me.

I felt even more horrible when I turned to see Cloud Spinner almost skip through the door she was so happy, humming to herself in a tune Pet's memories told me was from her favourite television show. Shutting and locking the door securely behind her, she beamed at me for all of three seconds before she was darting for the kitchen as fast as her plump frame would allow. I ducked my head, barely able to keep the tears from pouring down my cheeks. What was I _doing_?

"I'll fix you some pork sandwiches, okay?" she called excitedly from the kitchen. "You'll feel much better once you've had something to eat, sweetheart."

There was more humming and clanging and scraping as Cloud Spinner busied herself with food preparations. I knew I wouldn't last if I stayed down here any longer. I had to get away—my tolerance for deceiving this loving, kind woman had been used up long ago. It wouldn't take much on her part for me to break down and confess everything to her. I wanted to. Really I did.

"I'd much rather just head upstairs and take a shower. I'm very tired." I hoped my voice didn't sound too shaky or hysterical. I'd already worried her enough for one day.

All movement and noise suddenly ceased in the small kitchen across from the entrance. It took her all of a few seconds to rush back out to me. Cloud Spinner _had _to be short—5'2 at the most—but I was still smaller. Her expression was distraught as she looked down at me. "I-I'm sorry, Pet. I didn't even think…"—she raised her chubby arms, reaching out to embrace me, but dropped them halfway. She abruptly looked frazzled, torn. "I don't know what to do," she confessed. "Any time you want to talk, honey, I'm right here. You know that, don't you? I can't even begin to imagine how horrible this whole experience must have been."

Horrible, yes. But certainly not for the reasons she was thinking of.

I smiled as sincerely as I was capable of in that moment, and Cloud Spinner sighed, relieved, as she examined my face. I averted my eyes after a short moment, terrified that she would read the guilt and lies behind my flimsy façade. It was hard to remain level-headed in this strange situation. I hated deceiving this Soul. She absolutely adored her daughter unconditionally. Pet, on the other hand, seemed to have thought her too overbearing and protective most of the time, but she really did care about her underneath it all. Cloud Spinner was her _mother, _after all.

And because of that…Because of these ridiculous, all-consuming human emotions—this body I was bound to—I loved her as well.

I _hated_ it.

I didn't _want _to care about this woman who was as familiar to me as she was strange. It just made everything else so much more complicated. I knew I shouldn't have been surprised. This had happened when I woke up in Melanie's body for the first time, and in this one too. The dreams where I'd wake up screaming and crying in Ian's arms in the middle of the night, desperate to see the mother that had never been mine. In those last few moments before unconsciousness, Pet's thoughts were consumed by the mother who had ensured her safe journey through life on this planet. Mixed in with the fear of not understanding the situation she was in when Jared, Jamie and Melanie had taken her, there was also the worry that her Cloud Spinner would never recover from the loss if something were to happen. The worry of how she wouldn't cope with living by herself. Souls didn't really know death; of their hosts, yes, but never of themselves. In the thousands of years I'd been alive, I'd only seen it a few times. It was always the exception—a choice or an accident. Never an inevitability.

"Don't worry," she soothed, finally giving in and wrapping me tightly in her arms. "You'll be fine now. I'll never let anything like that happen to you again. No more afternoon walks for you. At least," she amended quickly, "not by yourself."

I almost laughed; slaphappy, Mel had once called it. My emotions were impossible to control or decipher at the moment. Could Spinner was likely to never let me leave the house without a personal escort ever again.

"Go and take it easy for a little while," she insisted. "We'll talk about the rest later when you're feeling up to it, okay?"

_The rest?_ I was tempted to ask, but a feeling in my stomach told that for the moment, I'd be better off not knowing. I simply nodded, stepping out of her embrace and began heading for the stairs. Cloud Spinner watched but said nothing as I hastily jumped up them one by one and, ignoring what I knew would be my bedroom on the left, I stumbled along the corridor and into the bathroom on the right, almost slamming the door as I fell back against it and collapsed on the tiled floor, shaking so violently I could barely move.

I dragged my knees up against my chest, crushing myself into a ball, and let my head fall against my knees. Would this be how my life was from now on? I wondered, my eyes stinging at the thought. Lying, cheating and deceiving those around me for the rest of my host's lifespan? I knew I couldn't do it; there was no way I would survive that long without going crazy. And someone was bound to notice something was wrong with me way before then. Souls, for all their good intentions…in trying to save my life, they would destroy the only thing that had ever mattered to me if I stayed here. I knew what was coming—the next few weeks of intensive "therapy" would be as much rehabilitation as interrogation. I was almost positive that the Seekers knew I was hiding something, though I was also pretty sure that they didn't think it was anything particularly important. But the thought of talking to the Seekers and Comforters still worried me. I'd almost convinced myself that the more I said to them—the more lies I told—the more obvious it would become that I _was_ lying.

Eventually, I managed to pull myself up from the cold, hard floor and decided to take a shower. I was still filthy from the whole ordeal, and thought that maybe I would feel better afterwards. It seemed to work until I found myself lying in bed that night, in the room with all the things Pet had loved and cherished. After hours of tossing and turning—when I thought I was_ finally_ tired enough for sleep—I rolled over to face the window, and the moonlight forcing itself through the cracks in the blinds shattered off the beautiful stones in my ring; an agonising reminder. Just when I thought I was beginning to understand what this life was all about, it had vanished. All of it.

I didn't sleep at all that night, and I was sure that despite my efforts to keep my cries quiet, Cloud Spinner didn't sleep, either.

* * *

x x x

* * *

The next few weeks passed by in a strange, anxious haze; my emotions pulled me in a thousand different directions, making it impossible to make sense of a lot of things. My host was comfortable and extremely fond of this environment—the suburban living, the shopping, the food and the modern furniture in the small house I shared with Cloud Spinner, among various other things. Even the weather was something Petals Open to the Moon had rejoiced in. It was very strange. Excitement wasn't the only emotion that got a little out of control in this body.

It was autumn now, the leaves turning brown on the trees outside in the front garden and blowing away in cold gusts of wind. I would often catch myself sitting at the bay window in my bedroom, just watching the clouds pass across the sky. Sometimes, I felt as if I would have given anything to run outside and feel the chill on my skin, to feel the bite of the cool air against my face…but then my eyes would always wonder to the road, where a sleek black car was always parked, and the urge would be crushed almost instantly. The Seekers were taking their surveillance and my "protection" from other possible human kidnappers very seriously. Their presence always made me paranoid; I would always avert my eyes and move away from the window, just in case.

But all of that wasn't anywhere nearly as terrifying as the compulsory appointments I had to keep with my assigned Comforter, Megan. When Cloud Spinner has first mentioned it to me the night before, it took everything I had to keep myself standing. I knew that I couldn't show any objection. Any Soul who had survived a vicious, human kidnapping would almost _definitely _require some form of counselling. They would probably _want _it. A Soul would also have nothing to hide, wouldn't be nervous or scared of a simple visit to a Comforter. And then, of course, there was my natural aversion to Comforters. No matter how necessary this meeting was to preserving everything I loved, I knew that it would still make me feel like I was weak. But I would have to act as though I was grateful for the time. I had a responsibility to make sure nobody ever found out what I was protecting. This is how it would have to be from now on.

"Petals Open to the Moon. How nice to see you again." Despite my attempts at reassuring myself, I still couldn't stop my hands from shaking as I sat down in the chair across from her when I met her that afternoon. I gave her what I hoped to be a genuine smile. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept at all the night before. I'd been so anxious about this meeting.

"It's good to see you too."

She smiled right back, and already I could see her evaluating and drawing conclusions about my appearance. "How have you been?"

"Fine," I mumbled, desperately trying to keep the tremors out of my voice.

Megan's lips twitched, like she was trying not smile. She crossed her legs, moving her hands from her lap to the arm rests of her chair. "Really? I think you look a little tired."

"I am." There was no point in denying it. I hadn't even glanced in the mirror before I left this morning—it wasn't something I had done often during my time on this planet—so I had no idea what my face must have looked like to her.

Megan seemed to be waiting for me to say more, but when I didn't, she continued, "Have you been having nightmares? Is that why you're not sleeping?"

"Sometimes."

"What are they about? The humans that kidnapped you?"

I felt the heat rise up into my cheeks. She was right, of course. The dreams I had been having were about my humans in the desert. Ian, in particular. But they had all been far from nightmares. "Yes, they are." At least it wasn't a lie.

Her eyes narrowed a tiny bit. "What happens?"

I took a deep breath, frantically trying to think of something that would seem even remotely plausible. My little heart was thrumming wildly against my rib cage. I tried to think back to an experience where I'd been legitimately terrified. It wasn't particularly difficult. "There was a doctor there—a human one. The humans…they…they were kidnapping Souls, and letting this doctor try and cut them out of their human hosts." The horrified expression on my Comforter's face and was a huge relief—she believed me. I _did _feel terrible about casting Doc in such a bad light, especially because I knew better, knew what a kind person he really was.

But this was all a part of lie, I reminded myself. The truth didn't matter because it couldn't be told.

"They used to threaten to send me in there if I caused any trouble," I continued, ducking my head in an effort to seem scared.

An almost white hand shot out and latched onto my arm. I looked up to see Megan's pale face, her eyes wide. Her head shook slowly, disbelieving. "I-I can't believe it."

I watched her for a long, silent minute. She didn't move. Finally, I asked, "Are you okay?" She looked as though she was about to be sick. Maybe I'd gone too far.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, slowly removing her hand and sitting back in her chair. "Excuse me."

I watched as she darted up out of her chair and almost ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Not a good sign. I swallowed hard. What had I done?

It was a while before anybody came back in. When someone did return, it wasn't Megan. The woman was older than Megan—probably middle-aged, I thought, with curly black hair and a rather stern expression. She didn't say anything as she came and politely ushered me out of the room, leading me through several doors and out into the public waiting room. She only paused long enough to nod in Cloud Spinner's direction before she was darting back through the white doors I'd just come through. I didn't even get the chance to thank her.

I stared after her, confused and more than a little worried. Was I supposed to come back next week?

"Pet? Pet!"

_Should I ask someone before I go?_

"Pet!"

A hand came down on my shoulder. "What's going on?" I turned to see Cloud Spinner standing behind me, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I mumbled, distracted when I noticed a Healer coming through the doors at the other end of the room. I approached her; she predictably smiled.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes." I hesitated. "An appointment of mine finished early. They're weekly, though, and because it ended so abruptly…I don't know…am I supposed to come back?" I felt strangely awkward as I stood there, asking what was probably a stupid question with an obvious answer.

Comprehension flicked across her face and her smile drooped slightly. Not in suspicion—never in suspicion—but in sympathy. "Oh. We'll call you about next week. The Seekers want to do some investigating into the information you gave them."

I turned my face away, unsure what to say. What did that mean? "Oh, okay" was all I could think of.

"Do you need help with anything else?" she asked politely.

"No, thank you." I walked away quickly, not giving her the chance to respond.

I made my way back over to Cloud Spinner and we left without another word. I could tell that she was curious about what had happened, but had decided for the moment to leave me to my thoughts. I was grateful.

Because despite having left the building, I felt even more trapped.

* * *

x x x

* * *

"I've just got to pop in here and grab us something nice to dinner, okay?" We'd pulled up outside a small shop that I vaguely recognised from both Pet's memories and my own—we must have come on a raid here at least once for _me_ to remember it. Cloud Spinner looked over at me as she undid her seatbelt. "Do you want to come in with me and pick something, sweetheart?"

I didn't really, but I didn't want her to worry any more than she was, so I pasted a smile on my face and said, "Sure."

I followed her away from the car and through the front doors. A pretty girl with black hair was standing in the entry, greeting Souls as they walked past. I knew I'd been here already. A few times, in fact. The isle layout was familiar. I wandered away from Cloud Spinner, not really paying attention to where I was going, what I was seeing. The frozen goods area was somewhere I remembered particularly well, because Ian was so fond of his choc-peppermint ice-cream. I remember how Ian and Kyle would both bicker over the bags of treats almost as soon as I'd put them in the back of the van…how I'd giggle and tune out once they started arguing…

"There you are!" Cloud Spinner came up behind me and when I turned to look at her, she frowned. "You can't have ice-cream for dinner, Pet. It's unhealthy. I don't mind getting some for you for dessert, though. Let's go over to the deli section and see if we can't find something yummy to roast…" Her voice trailed off as she walked further away, expecting me to follow. I could still feel the ghost of Pet's irritation; so much so that I could have almost mistaken it for my own. Maybe some of it was. I wasn't a child anymore. I'd been to _nine_ planets. She'd only been to two, including this one. She had no right to baby me like this. I was perfectly capable of looking after myself.

Someone chuckled—a vaguely familiar, distinctly male sound. I jumped.

"Parents are always a little overprotective. You can't blame her after all she's been through."

I froze, dread making my stomach twist in on itself. My heart was suddenly thrumming like a hummingbird in my chest.

The person seemed to be waiting for me to respond and when I didn't, I heard him begin to move. When he saw my face, he smiled gently, bending down from his great height so he could meet my eyes. My muscles began to thaw as recognition set in. The red curly hair and freckles were a dead giveaway.

"Burns Living Flowers," I whispered.

"Hello there, little Wanderer," he whispered back, patting me on the head. Just hearing my name after what seemed so long, combined with the overwhelming relief of finding someone who knew who I really was, to not have to pretend even if it was only for a little while that I wasn't someone else, had my eyes watering. "We've been looking for you."

"We?"

"Yes, we. Your little group of humans has been spreading the word on your little heroic act." He moved forward and patted me lightly on the head. "Every human in the area has been told to be on the lookout for you." He hesitated for a moment, thinking something over before he continued. "Is your partner with you?"

I blinked at him, not understanding. I couldn't seem to process it. "Ian? Wh-Why would he be with me?"

Burns tensed, his small smile of welcome disappearing. My chest tightened.

"Burns? What's wrong? Why did you think he was with me? Ian was with Jared and the others that night…that night we got separated."

Burns shook his head, his expression turning serious. "He's not anymore, Wanderer. Ian took off after you, presumably, a few hours after the incident. Your little group of humans are pretty worried about it. They think he'll—"

"…Be found and killed by Seekers," I finished, still really in too much shock to process anything. Why would _Ian _of all people be so reckless? It wasn't like him. He was usually so careful, so thoughtful…"He'll be alright." My voice was a monotone, void of any emotion—a chant. I spoke quickly, to avoid dwelling on it for too long. "I taught him to be careful. I taught everyone to be careful. We gave the humans that raid on a regular basis scars identical to ours on the back of their necks. It won't be obvious right away that he's human. He just has to avoid bright light. Knowing him, he's probably avoiding populated areas. He'll be alright."

I shifted my eyes back to Burn's face, suddenly aware that I'd been staring sightlessly at the supermarket shelves. He was watching me cautiously.

"You're worried about him though," he said. It wasn't a question.

"He'll be alright."

"That's the third time you've said that, Wanderer."

"Call me Wanda."

"Wanda?"

I nodded.

It was quiet for a long moment. The isle was deserted, not another Soul in sight. Neither of us said anything; both of us were lost in thought.

"What do we do now?" I mumbled to Burns, trying to break my train of thought—I didn't like where it was going, the conclusions I was drawing.

"Honestly? I don't know." Burns was looking at me, trying to think. "But I think I should probably get you out of here. I still use my apartment here in town as a rendezvous point. Once I manage to contact Nate, I'm sure we can—"

"No!" I hadn't meant to raise my voice. Burns jumped.

"Sorry. It's just that…I can't…it-it's not that easy. I can't just leave."

"Why not?"

I raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. How could he have forgotten already?

"Pet!"

I saw Burns look up over my shoulder in surprise. I hung my head.

The small, plump woman who was my overprotective guardian moved towards us rather impatiently—I could tell by the sound of her quick steps. She was already talking at me before I turned to meet her. At first, she didn't even seem to notice Burns behind me. "…Wasn't very nice of you to ignore me and not follow me to the deli counter. You're just going to have to deal with chicken for tonight, then. I'm not a mind-reader, Pet. Nor am I your personal escort. Sulking is not an attractive quality in any being, Petals Open to the Moon. But then you always do this. I would have liked to think I'd taught you better than that—"

I heard Burns behind me trying—and failing miserably—to hide his laughter. It caught Cloud Spinner's attention. She looked up over my head and narrowed her eyes.

"And who are you?" she asked neutrally, shifting her eyes back down to me almost straight away. "Is this a friend of yours, Pet?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Burns said in a bright, friendly voice—the epitome of a confident Soul. "My name is Sky Roost. Pleased to meet you." He held out his hand. "I'm a friend of Pet's—we met on the Flower Planet several years ago."

I started, surprised, when Burns stepped forward and draped his arm over my shoulder—he was so casual about it, like we really were good friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. But how did he know to say that? That we'd met on the Flower Planet? Was it just because he's heard Pet's name and had guessed? Or had someone else told him?

"Oh!" Cloud Spinner completely changed her mannerisms then. She couldn't seem to keep the smile off her face. "What an amazing coincidence!" she gushed, clapping her hands together. "Meeting here again in a supermarket of all places! And who would have thought you'd recognise each other! Isn't that amazing, Pet?"

"It's pretty amazing," I agreed in a light voice, forcing my lips to widen into some sort of smile.

She immediately turned her attention back to Burns, who was already slowly leaning across towards me, all the while maintain eye contact with Cloud Spinner.

"This is why," I mouthed to him, suddenly, strangely uncomfortable to have him with in such close proximity. He was only acting, being friendly. I knew that. Just pretending, to satisfy Cloud Spinner's curiosity. It was stupid to feel like this, an over-reaction. It shouldn't feel like betrayal. It was stupid, stupid, _stupid_…

But it did. I didn't like it. I _hated _it.

And I couldn't do anything. Not a thing.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey guys! Whoa…how long has it been now since I updated? 4 months? XD Sorry. Really. I could give you a variety of a excuses, but I know you all don't really want to hear them. What I will tell you is that I'm not really happy with how this chapter turned out. It just doesn't seem to flow very well; it's quite choppy. I apologise, but this was always going to have to be a filler chapter up to the point where Wanda meets up Burns Living Flowers. Now the serious stuff starts to happen from here onwards, and the good news is that I've already written most of it. :D There are some very important conversations and a lot of information I have to get into the next couple of chapters before things really start to escalate, so bear with me guys. Next update will be in a few days.

Thanks to _**Batsu-Simasu**_ _**Chan**_ for beta-ing, once again.

See you all next chapter!

--Warui-Usagi--


	10. Talked

**Definition: Life  
Chapter 10: Talked**

_Warui-Usagi_

* * *

x x x

* * *

'_Sometimes it's a form of love just talking to somebody you have nothing in common with,_

_And are still fascinated by their presence.'_

_**--Anonymous**_

* * *

x x x

* * *

For the first time since before I could remember, I was sitting in front of a mirror trying to fix my hair. Sifting through Pet's memories, I managed to find her favourite, and most commonly used hairstyle—a simple twist held in place with a strategically placed silver comb. I reached for one of the many perfume bottles to my left, and dotted a little of the musky fragrance on my wrists. I couldn't believe that it had taken me so long to figure out that if I started wearing the things Pet loved, it would make the lying that little bit easier.

Not that all of this was necessary where I was going this morning.

I clipped the thin, gold watch I found in a small bowl of the dresser around my wrist and checked the time—just a few minutes before ten o'clock. Perfect.

The door bell rang.

As I made my way downstairs, I could see Cloud Spinner was already waiting for me at the bottom with a palpable nervousness that was easy to understand.

"You have to promise me that you won't go off anywhere by yourself," she was saying in the strict motherly voice that always made Pet roll her eyes. I couldn't, because of course I knew better—the warnings definitely had some truth to them. Not that Pet herself would know that for another century or so, when she arrived on the Dolphin's planet.

"I'll be alright," I soothed her, patting her on the shoulder. I reached for and opened the door. Burns was standing there expectantly, a friendly grin pasted on his face. "Sky Roost will be with me all day. I promise I won't go anywhere alone."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, smiling down at her. "I won't let her out of my sight."

I looked back at Cloud Spinner. She'd spent the better part of the afternoon talking to him yesterday. Why did she doubt him now?

"Okay." She finally relented, throwing her hands up in defeat. "But please, Pet. Be home by 6, okay? I don't want you out late."

_Now_ I could roll my eyes. "Sure."

"We'll probably just be a few hours," Burns promised. I watched as he handed her a small piece of paper. "This is my number if you need it."

That surprised me, but at least Cloud Spinner relaxed. "Thank you," she said.

"Shall we?" Burns turned as stepped aside, holding the door open for me. I smiled as I passed him, and then stopped dead on the path. A sleek, shiny black car was parked right up against the curb—a car I recognised all too well—with a middle-aged man leaning against the side door, watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. Burns came up behind me slowly—clearly, he'd just spotted the Seeker as well.

The Seeker began to approach. We both stood very still. "Going out today, Petals Open to the Moon?" he asked as she strolled casually down the path.

"Yes." I managed to reply in a steady voice. "This is my friend, Sky. We ran into each other yesterday. I know him from the Flower Planet."

"Nice to meet you," the Seeker said, shaking Burns' hand. "The Flowers, huh? I take it though, by your name, that you preferred your stay with the Bats?"

"Yes, I did." Burns' deep voice was friendly. "I loved the music. If it wasn't for the blindness, I probably would have stayed."

"Never been there myself. I have to admit that the fact that I wouldn't be able to see is more than a little off-putting. Particularly when I I've been here for so long. Everything is so vivid and colourful here. I would miss it."

Burns nodded. "I think anyone would after being here." He stopped to look at his watch, even though I knew he wasn't really concerned about the time. "We should get going, Pet."

"Wait," the Seeker called. We both froze. "Just a little bit of housekeeping. I won't be following you to your house as such, Sky Roost, but I will be circling the block. I assume you know why this is necessary." He looked at Burns pointedly.

"Yes, of course, sir. I wouldn't dream of impeding your work." Burns sounded so sincere that if I hadn't known better, I probably would have fallen for the lie myself. He was so much better at it than I was. It was enough to make me a little envious.

"Excellent. Well, I hope you both have a nice day." The Seeker turned and walked back to his car without a backward glance. Burns nudged me in the direction of the car parked in front of the Seeker's van, and I was astonished to see it was of all cars, a Jeep. This one was a dark green colour, but it had still managed to remind me how far away I was from home…

Burns opened the side door for me, and offered me his hand. "Do you need help getting in?"

I looked at how far up the step was—it didn't look _that _high—and decided that I would try it myself. "I should be okay."

I grasped both sides of the cabin and managed to lift myself up onto the step and into the passenger seat with some effort. Burns jogged over to the other side, as anxious as I was to be in such close proximity with a Seeker. I quickly fumbled with the seatbelt, managing to click it into place just as Burns began to accelerate.

"Remember to keep to the speed limit," I reminded him in a whisper.

"Of course. As Souls, we obey all rules put into place on the planets our kind governs." He looked over at me out of the corner of his with a sly smile. "Wouldn't want to arrive at our destination early, would we?"

I smiled back, happy to be enjoying myself for once. "No…that wouldn't be good."

It was quiet for a while then—I watched the other cars pass us on the road, the houses flash past in a colourful blur.

"Any ideas?" Burns asked me quietly, as if he was afraid of being overheard.

I sighed, shaking my head sadly. "No."

Burns sighed too. "There has to be some way we can do this, Wanda."

"Not without hurting Cloud Spinner again." I sighed, suddenly angry.

"No," he agreed. "That's inevitable I'm afraid. And I understand how you feel. Really I do. The attachments that bind you to beings on this planet are so much stronger than sense. I understand how much your host loves that woman, Wanda. And I also understand that you don't really want to either. It's not an easy thing to come to grips with."

"But it's not just my host anymore, Burns. _I _love her now too. And I know it's stupid, and I should have been more careful about everything but…she-it's just…" I could feel tears starting to pool in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. "…The way she looks at me. And she loves Pet so much. _So _much. It's impossible not to see that. I know I have no right to love her. She certainly doesn't love _me—_"

"Shhh…" Burns interrupted, patting me gently on the shoulder. "It's alright, Wanda. We'll figure something out. And I'm not going to make you do anything you're not happy with. If you don't want to leave straight away, then I'm certainly not going to force you. I couldn't get you back to _your_ humans for awhile, anyway."

That distracted me. "Why not?"

He shrugged. "I don't know where they are."

It took me a moment to process that. "What?"

The car slowed down then, and Burns turned into a driveway next to a small house. He turned off the ignition and moved around in his seat so he could face me. "We're very careful about that stuff. Both our little groups…back when the situation was desperate—when you and I weren't around to help everyone out—I was told it was extremely competitive for supplies and food. You and I both know how kind and generous humans _can_ be, but I'm sure even you could understand that when they're desperate…they _would _steal and possibly harm each other to ensure their survival." He stopped for a moment, clearly a little disturbed with that thought. I was too. "That's why we don't really know where a lot of other human colonies are, Wanda. It's taken a long time for trust to build up. We know where the ones in our region are, because I help them out all the time, but we've only run into humans from your group a few times, and it's always the same ones. I've only ever actually spoken to Jared myself—"

"So you have no idea where they are?" I interrupted.

"No. Sorry, Wanda."

I smiled a little. "That's okay. I remember where they are…at least, I think I do." I concentrated for a moment, sorting through my memories, and through the remnants I still had of Melanie's memories—a dim trail of recall indeed—and tried to find the way through the desert. There were parts that stood out, but most were conversations I'd had with Melanie on the way there—all my attention had been focused internally at the time. I remembered the lines carved into the back of a photo album—the lines that would lead the way…The only memories _I_ had were of the road the truck would always turn off on our way back home from a raid. Even they were hazy, because I was always falling asleep in Ian's lap by the time we made it home…

"Oh. Did your humans show you how to get back?"

I shook my head, strangely reluctant to explain. I ignored it. "No. When I first came to this planet, I was in a different body. Have you met Melanie?"

He thought for a second and then nodded. "Jared's partner, right? The girl with the brown hair."

"Yes."

It was silent while he mulled that over. "You came here in her body?"

"Yes."

"And she actually _talked_ to you?" Burns sounded more than a little shocked. "I'm surprised she showed you where the humans were. I would have thought she'd hate you."

"She did…at first. But when we finally made it to the humans, and started to get to know each other and the people around us, we slowly became friends." I didn't want to get into the details. He seemed nice enough—of course he was nice, he was a Soul. Souls loved everyone indiscriminately, trusted each other implicitly. It was silly—I knew that—but for some inexplicable reason, I still wasn't completely comfortable with discussing my life more than was absolutely necessary. I suddenly wondered if he felt the same. I knew nothing about him. He hadn't offered the information and I hadn't asked.

"And you decided to let her have her body back?" Burns guessed.

"Yes. For a number of reasons. It was…_very_ difficult for both of us to live like that. Not much of a life."

"No, I don't imagine so. Should we go in?" he asked, gesturing with his head in the direction of the house.

"Sure." I was more than happy to drop the current conversation. All it did was remind me how far I was from home, and how completely out of my depth I was handling my own species.

* * *

x x x

* * *

We were sitting down at a small table in the tiny kitchen of Burn's safe house a few hours later, surrounded by empty cups and plates, still struggling to come up with any kind of plan.

"No, we can't do that." I sighed, more than a little exasperated. "Even if we could buy time by telling Cloud Spinner that I'm away somewhere where with you"—I could feel the blood rising in my cheeks, the sudden, crippling wave of shyness forcing me to avert my eyes to the ground. Why was I so embarrassed, anyway?—"…she'd figure it out eventually. And I'm not going _anywhere _until I find out what's happened to Ian."

"But wouldn't it be better for you to get back to your humans first, and then search for him?" Burns was starting to sound just as exhausted by this conversation as I was. "They know him. They probably even have a good idea of where he's gone. You could help them."

"I have to see that he's safe for myself," I insisted, throwing my face into my hands. I didn't know why, but the horrible gut-wrenching feeling of terror that I'd managed to keep at bay since Burns had told me Ian had disappeared was starting to force its way into my thoughts. Maybe it was just the shock wearing off. Where was he? What if a Seeker found him? What if he'd already been found? Was he still alive, or had he been killed? I couldn't bear the thought; my body shook with the revulsion of it.

"It's okay, Wanda." Burns reached across the table to pat me on the head. "Shhh, don't worry. Hey, come on. Don't cry. I'm not going anywhere until we get this sorted out, I promise. I'll help you however I can."

"I'm sorry." My voice broke on the last word as I hastily wiped away my tears. I chocked back another sob. "I just—"

"You have nothing to apologise for," he said, interrupting me. He hesitated for a moment and then continued. "Listen, I think I have an idea. It's not a solution, but it should make things a little easier on everyone in the mean time—until we figure something out."

"What's that?" I asked wearily.

"I'll get in contact with Nate. Tell him I've found you and that you're safe, and that he should pass that on to your humans as soon as he can. We have a designated meeting point where your humans and my humans meet. I've only ever seen Jared and Brandt there myself, but they should be enough, right?"

"Yes." I was a little taken aback at how easy it all sounded. It _was_ too easy, of course. "But I'm sure they'll all be on lockdown," I told him, thinking of what had happened when Kyle took off after Jodi. With Ian _and _I missing, I imagined that they were being particularly cautious. "Nobody will be leaving the caves. I'm sure of it." At least, I thought with some grim amusement, Maggie and Sharon would be happy I wasn't there. I hoped they weren't causing too much trouble for Jared, Jeb and Melanie.

"Damn," Burns muttered, and I could see the frustration twisting his freckled face. "Well, I suppose it still couldn't hurt. At least Nate and the others can pass on the information if we don't get you back in time before the lockdown is over."

I blinked at him, uncomprehending. What did he mean? "This is obviously going to take some time, Wanda," he reiterated for me patiently when he saw my confused expression. "There's no clear-cut solution. It'll be a while before we can get you home." Ah, the blunt truth. I'd known it all along. I knew I should have just been grateful that there was even a possibility I could get back to my family in the caves. But it still hurt to hear it. I quickly hid my face in my hair when I felt my eyes starting to water.

"I'm sorry," he said, and I shook my head.

"Don't apologise. Please. You've already helped me out so much. Thank you. For everything."

"Anytime, Wanda." He was patting my head again, reaching to move the hair from in front of my face. "I'd do anything to help out a fellow native." I could hear the smile in his voice, but it only made me feel even more guilty.

"I'm so hopeless in this body," I mumbled, leaning back in my chair, away from his hand. "I can't do anything myself. I hate it."

"You're _not_ helpless. You've been protecting your humans all this time, little Wanderer." He smiled at me reassuringly. "You've travelled to nine worlds—seen more of the universe that just about any other living being in this galaxy. Stayed and fought for friends when everyone ran away"—I'd forgotten that in our first brief meeting that I'd told him the story of Harness Light on the Bear's planet—"…You've changed your humans lives for the better, and sacrificed _your _happiness to save their lives more than once. That's taken extreme courage and bravery, particularly for a Soul. You know how our species overeats to any kind of violence or danger." He paused for a long moment. I couldn't look at him, so I didn't see his reaction. I heard his chair scrape back against the linoleum floor and flinched in surprise when I felt his fingers reaching under my chin, tilting my face up so that I was looking at him. He was bending down again, his dark eyes level with mine. "You're far from helpless, Wanda. Believe me when I say that."

What was _wrong_ with me? It was as if all I was capable of doing today was cry. "Then why do I feel like this?" I sobbed. I couldn't make sense of this anguish. It felt vaguely familiar, but I didn't know where from. My inexperienced heart had never felt such all-consuming grief before; it quivered painfully underneath weight of it.

"That's definitely _not_ helplessness," Burns whispered feverishly. "Can't you see that?"

I violently shook my head, trying to convey to him in some way that this kind of pain shouldn't…no, _couldn't _be normal. It seemed too cruel to even suggest such a thing.

"You miss them, Wanda. Your humans. You _love _them. Of course you miss them. Why are you so surprised?"

I couldn't answer him—I was too upset—but I didn't think I could have answered his question anyway, because he wouldn't understand the answer. Of course I missed them. Of course I loved them. They were everything to me, my entire world. But ever since I'd left them, I hadn't been _allowed_ to miss them. For weeks, I'd been pretending that I was happy to be where I was, that I was recovering slowly from a horrific ordeal. I couldn't think about Ian, Jamie, Mel and the others back at our crowded little haven, because then I knew I wouldn't be able to function, to keep up the charade.

I didn't think I could go back to doing it again. Not after this.

"Wanda…?" I looked up at Burns, who was standing over me now. The tears running down my face had glued the loose strands of my hair to my cheeks. There was only one person in that moment who could have made me feel better. But he wasn't there. I didn't know where he was, or even if he was still alive. I was lost without my anchor, the person who tied me to this planet. I wasn't myself at all and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Not right now. But Burns was going to help me get home. I just had to keep myself together for a little while longer. Just a little longer.

Burns turned, walked out of the room and down the hall without a word, only to come back a few seconds later with some tissues in hand. I smiled as he gave them to me. "Thank you," I rasped, and then desperately began trying to clean up my face, to try and make myself look like I hadn't been crying all day. Burns fetched a trash can for me when I was done. My eyes were still red and puffy; I would just have to count on the setting sun to hide that from Cloud Spinner's view.

"Ready to go?"

I nodded, and Burns held the door open for me with a smile as I made my way towards the car.

It was only a short time later that the Jeep was parked outside of Cloud Spinner's house, the digital clock on the dashboard reading 5:56. The sun was just starting to set and I was home on time, just like I promised. I could already see Cloud Spinner peaking anxiously through the curtains, looking for me. I sighed, trying to work up the energy to go in and deal with her interrogation. And she _would _interrogate me, of that I was sure.

"You'll be fine," Burns assured me. "Just tell her your tired or something and go straight up to your room."

"I wish it was that easy. I might be able to get away from her initially, but she'll just keep asking questions when I go back down for dinner."

Burns laughed. "What me to come with you? To distract her?"

I giggled, but shook my head. "No, no. You've already helped me out a lot. Thank you so much for today, really. I needed that."

"Not a problem. Now, I can't come by tomorrow—I'm going to find Nate, or at least someone who can tell Nate that we've found you. But I'll come by and check on you the day after, okay?"

I smiled, grateful. "Okay."

"We'll figure this all out, Wanda." Burns cleared his throat, shifting his gaze and focusing intently on the house. "You have any idea where we might find Ian?"

My smiled faded and I trembled with the remembered pain. "No. I don't." I took a deep breath and started again. "I don't know where he could be. He didn't come on the raid to get my new host, so I don't know why he thought he'd find me by running off on everyone." I was angry at him for doing that—angry mostly, because I didn't understand. Ian was always cautious. Even over-cautious. He knew how dangerous it was, and not just for him. Didn't he think of the safety of the others at all?

"I'm sorry," Burns apologised, "I didn't mean to make you upset."

I _was _upset, but none of it was his fault. "No. You were just trying to help. I'll…I'll see what I think of, and let you know in a couple of days if I come up with anything."

He nodded. "Alright, then. Good night, Wanda."

I opened my door and carefully climbed down onto the pavement before turning to face him. "Good night, Burns." I shut the door and watched as he reversed out drove away, waving and honking as he disappeared down the street. When I looked back at the house, I caught Cloud Spinner peering through the curtains; she waved at me, looking more than a little excited.

"Perfect," I muttered under my breath as I started walking up the path to the front door. "Just perfect."

This wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

x x x

* * *

I managed to get through dinner without too much trouble. I knew, with relief, that Pet had never been keen on her mother's interrogations when she came back from day trips with friends. I told Cloud Spinner what I thought was enough—that "Sky" and I had gone and had some lunch and just talked, asked questions about each other's past lives. I worded my response carefully so I was telling the truth, so there was no reason for her to doubt me. After the incident with my Comforter the other day, I was being extra careful. Or at least trying to be. Talking to Cloud Spinner over dinner gave me the perfect excuse not to talk—I just made sure that I always had some food in my mouth; it gave me time to think about how to word my next response. I was more than relieved when I finally managed to—_hours_ later—make my way upstairs. The whole day had been emotionally exhausting. I wanted nothing more than to be alone.

I slumped down into the seat in front of Pet's dresser and carefully began removing the comb from my hair, pulling it free of the twist. I moved over quickly to the large, wooden chest of draws on the opposite side of the room, looking for something comfortable to wear to bed. The wooden draws were large and heavy—it took me a tries to open them enough to be able to get to the neatly folded clothes inside.

The doorbell rang downstairs.

I paused and looked over at the small digital clock beside my bed. It read 8:30pm.

That didn't seem right. It was too late for visitors—no Soul would call at this hour. Not unless it was an emergency.

Or a Seeker.

I froze, wondering if it was one of the Seekers that had brought me back here the night I was separated from Ian and the others—the Seekers who were investigating the statement I'd given my Comforter about Doc. My heart started to race, palms started to sweat. What if they'd found the irregularities in my story? What if they were here to try and make me lead them back to my humans? What would they do when I refused?—and I _would _refuse—Would they remove me and implant a Seeker? Was there _anything_ I could do to stop them?

What was I _going to do_?

I heard Cloud Spinner open the door.

Whoever it was, there was voice was too low for me to hear. I could only make out the vague murmurings of someone else's voice. Someone who definitely wasn't Cloud Spinner. I couldn't make my body move closer to the door. I couldn't even tell if the voice belonged to a female or a male. I started to tremble.

The murmuring stopped.

"Pet!" Cloud Spinner suddenly called out. I flinched in fright. "Someone's here to see you!"

Why wouldn't she say who it was?

I tried to pull myself together, tried to pick myself up off the floor, but I was shaking so hard by then that I couldn't stand up. I took a few deep breaths to level out my voice so I could call back down and ask who it was.

The door closed, and now I could hear _two _sets of footsteps making their way up the staircase. I was so tightly wound that I shrieked in terror; I was so scared that it came out as nothing more than a breathless little squeak.

"I'm so sorry this happened," I heard Cloud Spinner saying. "I'm sure she didn't mean to forget you were supposed to come by today. And I know she's forgotten, because she didn't tell me anything about it. She's been so wrapped up with this boy these past couple days…"

She knocked, her voice coming through the door. "Pet? You in there?"

What else could I say? She would open that door anyway, and there was nowhere for me to hide. No escape. I cleared my throat. "Y-yes," I stuttered.

She opened the door and looked right at me, a disapproving expression on her face. I sat frozen in the middle of the room; it was all I could do to return her gaze. "Honestly, Pet. What are you doing? And how could you forget that you'd organised for a friend of yours to come around for a sleepover today?"

In just a matter of seconds I went from being so terrified I couldn't move, to utterly confused. What? A friend? _Sleepover_?

"Honestly, Pet!" Cloud Spinner continued scolding me when I didn't reply. "I thought I'd raised you better than that."

"Please don't worry about it, Cloud Spinner," a horribly familiar voice urged in a gentle tone as they made their way into the room. "_Pet_ can be a little dense sometimes."

I just stared, too shocked to say anything. This couldn't be real. It had to be a dream.

"Hi, Pet." They smiled. "I've missed you so much. Did you miss me?"

It was a moment before I could speak. My whole body instantly relaxed, was flooded with relief. I smiled back, trying—and failing—not to cry.

"Mel…" I whispered.

* * *

**A/N: **And…_now_ things are going to get complicated, lol. Surprise! :D Or maybe I should say interesting. Hmmm…guess it depends on your perspective. We're getting into my favourite part of the story next chapter guys, because this is where all the serious stuff starts to unravel. I will say no more than that. ;D I know there was a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but it's essential for explaining what's about to happen. Burns has a big part in this story, so be on the lookout for more of him. :)

**Chapter 11**: _Explained _is already well under way, and will be posted as soon as I finish it.

Hope you're all enjoying the story so far! Any sort of feedback is very much appreciated.

-Warui-Usagi


End file.
